50/50 custody

[Sophiaandme]

Does anybody have any experience of going to court with a dad asking for 50/50 custody. My ex partner works away 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. He is threatening me with court saying he wants our daughter the 2 weeks he is home and I have her the other 2 weeks. I also work full time shift work in the nhs. I am concerned that this would be granted and the time I get with my daughter would be bare minimum. The impact this would have on her going from seeing him 4 nights per month I can’t even bare to imagine. She is a mummys girl and stuck to me like glue. It is written in an email that this is to spite me and he has the money to do so. There is no concern for the welfare of our daughter, just a very spiteful man with a superiority complex. Any advice would be appreciated as I’m at my wits end trying to communicate with him.

The starting point will be similar to your current set up. I don’t think they would pull a child away from their primary parent for 2 full weeks. That’s on your ex to change his job if he wants to see your DD more often. He may be awarded more than 4 nights but extremely unlikely he’d get 14 nights. Also how old is your DD as depending on her age, she will get a say.

I had this, (without the job element), he didn’t want it at all it was just to scare me.
Do you think he really would carry it through?
in our case Cafcass officer did a mini mediation session at the courts and he agreed to what we’d suggested which was two nights a week.
This was in 2013 however, 50/50 was much less common than it seems to be now.
yes, age of your Dd is quite important here.

She is almost 4. I know he doesn’t really want it, he wouldn’t cope ! It is just purely to upset me but I know he would go through with it. I have him saying as much on emails but I know they’re not interested in the parents arguments. We had mediation and she told him he was being unrealistic because he lived a distance away but now he is buying a home closer I’m worried that will change it.

Is your shift pattern fixed in a weekly or biweekly rotation? Could you make up a counter offer for 50/50 where he would be scheduled to have her for all your shifts and you would have her all the time you’re not working? Obviously it’s nonsense because of his work pattern but it might show a mediator that he’s being ridiculous. Then you could offer more contact than he’s currently getting but still reasonable - like increasing his weeks to run from Thursday evening til Monday morning (6 nights a month instead of 4) or adding a weekday over night on the weeks he is around.

4 nights a month is nothing really so I can see why he would want some increase on that.

It would be good for your daughter and him to build up the time that he has her especially if he is moving closer.

I agree going 50/50 2 weeks on/off straight away would be too much for a 4 year old who has not spent that long away from you but I think there should be a mediation to discuss gradually increasing and you should be able to put a different suggestion in that works vetter for your daughter

Yes I work a 2 week rota so I always know what I am working. I did offer for him to have her whilst I was at work and I have her on my days off which would have been 10 nights per month for him, but he wouldn’t agree to it. Initially he was having her one weekend per month, so I offered the 2 weekends which he also rejected because ‘he has a life’. The mediator told him he was being ridiculous and demanding so we never came to an agreement, he eventually emailed me to ask for the 2 weekend situation. He’s never been interested in more contact, I’ve never stopped him. This is down to me meeting a new partner. I just know how much this will upset my daughter, just for him to feel he has upset me. The whole situation is pathetic really but unfortunately this is what he is threatening me with.

I would ask him to send you a detailed schedule of how he feels this would work. Presumably dd is at school. Tell him you are willing to take a good look at the plan. And await his response... Once on paper you can take it to a solicitor..

I've been here! Agree to it, tell him you've reconsidered and you feel it will be good for her to split her time and make a big deal that it gives you an opportunity to have a social life as currently you never get to go out as you've always got her.. it won't happen. You don't go from 4 days a month to 2 weeks on. It's all to spite you.. so let him spite you by taking away your social life!
Worked with my narcissist ex!

Thank you ! I think I’ll try this and call his bluff, I know he won’t last with it deep down, it’s just unnecessary stress and worry. But you have got him exactly right, as soon as he thinks he is giving me free time, he won’t like it. Thank you all for your replies I think I just needed to vent and it’s helped ❤️