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Original poster

Ex Changes Job

13 replies

Unique1234 · 30/08/2024 00:28

Hi, my ex has just lost his job and he had my Son every Tuesday and Wednesday night (From Tuesday am to Thursday pm). This worked perfect as my husband worked around this having every Monday and Friday as his rest days from work to look after him enabling me to work full time from home Monday to Friday during office hours. My ex would have our son from Tuesdays at 9am and return him on Thursdays at 6pm enabling him to do the school run on Tuesdays to Thursdays and my husband on the Monday and Friday. My ex did work every Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesdays (in between the school run). My son has autism and is use to the routine etc and the routine has been like this for the last nine years.
Now he has lost his job he has found a new one working Monday to Friday and he is demanding to see his son every other weekend etc and now cannot look after him during the week at all Due to this change this Is forcing me to lose my job to look after our sin on the days he use to have him. There is no talking to this bloke as long as he is ok he is not bothered about me losing the job I love and the income we need, I cannot afford to go through the courts. Help.

OP posts:
violetsparkle · 30/08/2024 06:59

Have you mentioned to him is maintenance payments will increase? That may spur him into reconsidering.

ChaChaChaChanges · 30/08/2024 07:12

But if your ex has lost his old job and the new job is the only one he can get, what other choice does he have but to take it?

As you're in an established job, it's actually more likely that you'll be able to work flexibly around school runs, certainly more so than someone going into a brand new role.

I'm sorry that change has come, i know it's not easy for anyone, but I think you're going to have to do what you can to make it work.

MissRachelismycoparent · 30/08/2024 07:14

I see why you're frustrated. It's not really his problem though, if he's been offered a job and needs work then you take what you can. What about wrap around care etc?

Collaborate · 30/08/2024 07:16

violetsparkle · 30/08/2024 06:59

Have you mentioned to him is maintenance payments will increase? That may spur him into reconsidering.

Reconsider what? Remaining unemployed is an option for him?

Hectorscalling · 30/08/2024 07:16

Why is it forcing you to lose your job?

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 30/08/2024 07:17

MissRachelismycoparent · 30/08/2024 07:14

I see why you're frustrated. It's not really his problem though, if he's been offered a job and needs work then you take what you can. What about wrap around care etc?

Why isn't it his problem? He finds the care for the days he has his child on the days he's working. Why does he get to change everything because he's a man??

2Old2Tango · 30/08/2024 07:20

I can see it's inconvenient but you can't take him to court for getting a new job. It would be incredibly difficult to find another position that would allow him to work a 4 day fri-mon week.

How old is your son? You say 'past 9 years' so he's at least 9, possibly older. Will your job allow a little flexibility to be able to drop him off in the mornings? Do they do wrap around care if it's a primary?

arewegoingtosaintmalo · 30/08/2024 07:20

It’s good he’s found a new job (even though this is causing major disruption to your routine and plans).

Don’t quit your job - there are solutions. Can your husband flex his rest days? Can your ex work 7-3 and you work 9-5 so you drop at school and he picks up? Can you ask for a temporary period of reduced hours or parental leave (legal entitlement) until you have a solution/to settle your son into after school childcare? Does your ex have parents who could do some school runs in his stead?

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 30/08/2024 07:22

Can your job not accommodate the school run on a Tuesday so you can take your son to school? After that your ex makes arrangements for wrap around care and the school run for Wednesday & Thursday and has his son on the normal days. His change of job shouldn't affect his care arrangement any more than your changing job would.

Whaleandsnail6 · 30/08/2024 07:25

I'd say your ex needs to be the one to find childcare for these days...these are his contact days therefore its him that needs to sort childcare, not automatically putting the issue onto you.

Nothing wrong with him now wanting everu other weekend , especially if he now has weekends off but I think that needs to be in addition to Tuesday and Wednesday not instead of.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 30/08/2024 09:58

circumstances change, unfortunately your ex new employment hours means he can chance his contact schedule, contact is what best for the child not the parents working hrs even if that negatively impact the parent with RP.

Can you request to change your working hours? Work flexibility, seek childcare for your son, have you looked into your options that than automatically thinking you will need to put your notice in?

pinkfleece · 30/08/2024 10:00

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 30/08/2024 07:17

Why isn't it his problem? He finds the care for the days he has his child on the days he's working. Why does he get to change everything because he's a man??

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SonicTheHodgeheg · 30/08/2024 10:19

It sounds like you need to use the increased maintenance to buy some sort of paid childcare or wrap around (I assume that you son goes to school)

Court wouldn’t help as they rightly can’t and don’t force parents to have their child more than they want to.

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