Sibling in house - how to stop before it starts

[thisoldchestnutyetagain]

Hope someone can advise on what could quickly become a difficult situation. This is all new and raw, have removed emotion and gone with facts best I can, and put only what I think is relevant information.

My mum died about five years ago. She left everything she had to my dad. He continued to live in their house (his name, mortgage free), joined quickly by my brother, who was pt working and eventually pt caring for our dad.

A few weeks ago, when dad became ill, DB and I went through finances in a moment of organisation. DF paid ALL house bills, paid for all house repairs, gave my brother a car. DB paid for food, petrol and some items like Netflix.

DF died on Saturday.

DB and I yesterday started on all the admin and he suddenly said a number of things: he would not move from the house in his lifetime, he could stay there and I could sell it when he dies (I’m older than him!) and also said he could try to buy me out. He’s in shock, as those are all quite different thoughts.

The will (we are the executors), says total estate is divided equally.

If he could stay here AND fulfil DF’s wishes that would be perfect.

The property is approx £700k (tbc) with monthly running costs of around £1.5k, of which DF was contributing £800, and DB would now suddenly have to find the extra.

DB is 50, pt worker, never had a mortgage, no savings, no pension, earns approx £15k a year. He would get approx £60k in cash from dad's savings. He would work more now DF has died. I also worry there is a possibility of inheritance tax.

Is there any possibility he could get a mortgage, finance the house, and I receive my half?

If we are in ‘have to sell’ territory, how on earth do I smooth this over with him before it even starts to gets difficult? I am happy for him to remain in the house while he finds his feet, but again, worry that will make it harder to leave again.

Thank you for reading, any more detail required, please ask. We see the solicitor on Friday morning, hence the slightly frantic request for options.

Very sorry for the loss of your dad.
Your brother has to think logically, he's likely not at present; he cannot afford to buy you out therefore the house will have to be sold; £350k will buy him another home/flat. I'm sure the solicitor will put him right.

Sorry about your dad 💐

It looks very unlikely he could raise enough via mortgage and savings to pay you your share. Regardless, it sounds like the house is expensive to keep, is it a large property?

I would suggest that he could get a lovely smaller property that is cheaper to run and easier to clean/maintain, it would save him from having to work more (if that is a motivator for him).

Unfortunately if he refuses to leave your choices are leave it (and your inheritance) or go to court to force a sale.

Agree wholeheartedly

Thank you. It does seem a very A or B choice. That’s a very good point about working. He would be working full time and more to afford it, and not even being here.

It is a very large, very old and unadapted house (no heating, no shower etc).

Realistically speaking your DB is in cloud cuckoo land and being very selfish.
He needs to understand that staying in the house even with your agreement isn't feasible as he does not earn enough now for the day to day expenses of running the house. Nor does he earn enough to buy you out by obtaining a mortgage.
Added to which it is quite unfair, that he is assuming that you will happily wait for your share of the inheritance until after he dies. Your needs and wants are not even being considered here whether you survive him or not.
You will both have a sizeable inheritance and your DB will be entirely able to purchase a new house from the his share and afford the outgoings associated with this.
Or if he is adamant that he is staying in the house - you put a spanner in the works and move in too!! He can't have it all his way.
But sadly stuff like this is always thrown up when people are dealing with bereavement. But practicalities have to be dealt with while emotions are running high.
You are being practical in asking for suggestions because you can note down suggestions and then approach your DB while in the presence of a solicitor. My condolences to you op at this difficult time.

I would leave it to a solicitor or someone not involved in your father's will to advise your brother that he has to sell. Youf brother is emotional at the moment, he has lost his father and will probably lose his home. Don't allow him to make you the bad guy throwing him out of 'his' home. You've got to keep things factual and follow the instructions in your fathers will as he wanted. I think you need to go to a solicitor and explore your brothers options. He's can't afford the house, but someone else telling him would be better. Don't allow him to make you the bad guy, always keep your fathers wishes first and foremost in your dealings with him.

Your DF just passed away. It's been 3 days.
You are no doubt all reeling and grieving. Your DB especially as he lived with your Dad.
Absolutely no one can think straight so soon after a death like this. So I think you should not set much store by what had been said to date.
Go and see the solicitor, the will is clear and the solicitor can basically explain what is fairly obvious ie that DB can't really stay in the house. It's probably better coming from the solicitor than you and in the meantime I'd just refrain from having too many future type convos and just allow yourselves a moment to grieve

Go and see the solicitor, let them break the news to your brother. The inheritance tax alone may well make the decision for you.

It's very early days, he's in shock, and of course his first feeling is that he doesn't want to lose his home.
I would be tempted to have a word with the solicitor before the meeting to give then a heads-up that this could become an issue and that it would be helpful if the solicitor could spell it out tactfully but very clearly when you meet.

Be very careful of employing a solicitor to take over probate - in this situation the solicitors could end up with more money than either of you! Applying for probate is generally straightforward and costs less that £100 if you do it yourself.
https://www.gov.uk/applying-for-probate/apply-for-probate

Martin Lewis’ Moneysavingexpert website also has a great forum for wills and probate.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/deaths-funerals-probate

First of all, you have to follow the Will. Which sounds like the estate is to be split 50/50. If the house is worth £700K and there is cash of £120k the total value is £850k, or £425k each. If you chose to take all of the cash, your DB would need a mortgage of £305k to pay you the remaining balance of your share. He won’t get that figure on his income.
You need to be very clear with him - ‘I expect to receive my share of Dad’s estate as soon as possible’. This will mean selling the house. Would your DB be able to buy a property outright with his share of the estate?

I’m so sorry for the loss of your Dad.

I agree with PPs, nobody will be thinking straight just now. You have both lost your father, your brother has also lost some of his routine and purpose (as a carer) and now faces the loss of his home. I would give him a little more time to digest, reflect and hear things from an impartial solicitor rather than you before trying to rush a decision, he may well feel differently when he has all the facts and a little more distance than either of you can have right now.

If he wants some time in the house to look for a new place slowly and pack up his life there, personally I would give him that. He has done a lovely thing for your Dad and probably saved him (and the estate) money for carers etc. His suggestion that he stays until he dies is clearly not fair or sensible, but if you were in a position to wait a few months (given your own finances, any inheritance tax etc) I think that would also be a kind thing to do and might make it all feel less daunting for your brother.

@thisoldchestnutyetagain unless there is a trust granting your brother a lifetime (or other period, say 5 years) interest where he can stay put (seek qualified legal advice - I am not qualified) you will need to agree when the house is to be sold between you. However, I would say I’ve seen this happen with family friends where the brother who lived there was still there 5 years later and I doubt you want to end up in that situation with the house being dilapidated. They thought they were being kind but it turned into a nightmare.

Agree on all. Very early, knee-jerk reactions all round.

I’m asking so early from a place of an abundance of caution - I really don’t want to fall out with my brother, and it’s the absolute last thing our father would want.

I’m asking so early from a place of an abundance of caution - I really don’t want to fall out with my brother, and it’s the absolute last thing our father would want.

But on the other hand, he cannot expect to have your inheritance as well as his. If this causes him to fall out with you, so be it - he would be unreasonable.
There will be inheritance tax to pay, so the property will have to be sold - unless he expects you to cough up for it?
It is a sizeable inheritance, and will leave him with enough to house himself.
'It has to be sold, because we owe xxx tax.' Should do it.
I am presuming your Father has not left him the house?

Sorry for your loss. People can get weird when money is involved. I’ve seen this after the death of my parents and my in laws. Family can become grabby and uncharacteristically greedy.
Speak to your solicitor first and then arrange a meeting in a few weeks when they can explain the options to your sibling and they can have all their questions answered. You don’t want the message to come from you but from an independent expert, as otherwise things can become awful.

If you struggle with doing the probate yourself
I used a company called Farewill who were excellent cost about 650 in 2022 and they got probate within 7 weeks

your both going to inherit a nice sum of money once the house is sold so you could encourage your brother to look at places that would be suitable for him to live in mortgage free maybe a small 2 bed house

flats are ok but often have large service fees and ground rent each month or year so if he isn’t a high earner that’s something to be taken into account that he will have to pay for

You may find no IH due as house has passed directly to you and your brother If Mums estate passed directly to your dad then its worth researching IH allowances. Check on Government site Very detailed information on what to do Nothing needs sorting in these early day. You are both so raw

This happened to me after my mum died last year. Sibling couldn't get a mortgage and the house is being sold, it's a case of him upping his hours for yhree months to the maximum then speaking to a mortgage advisor to see if he can get a mortgage. If he can he buys you out, if he can't it needs to be sold its as simple as that sadly for him.

You are my dh.

I will be a little vague about some details but essentially (not so dear) bil moved in with dfil around COVID time. They were both lonely and isolated and bil had lost his job as his employer closed his business (although he has an in demand skill and could easily go back to it) bil gave up his flat.
Fil wasnt in great health but didn't need a live in carer so it was mostly for company.
Fil died (fairly suddenly and unexpectedly) well over a year ago and left the will to be divided equally between siblings. Probate was done over 9 months ago too.
Bil has a low income as he has chosen not to go back to his original profession but while fil was alive fil covered nearly all the bills so is used to having all his money to spend as he likes.
He resisted any moves to discuss his future plans other than admitting he wanted to keep the house but could not afford to buy out the other share. It was agreed he could stay in the short term to look after the house while it was being cleared/having a few repairs ready to sell and would “think about his plans” and the estate would cover the bills in the short term. He cannot afford a mortgage or even the bills and didnt offer to pay any rent.
The house needs some basic repairs there is some damp and roof issues.
After months of tiptoeing round the issue he changed the locks and dh is having to take legal action to evict him. He might be out by Christmas unless he decides of his own accord to leave. And when he does the rest of the clearance and repairs will need doing so it will be next year before the house can be put on the market.

In hindsight dh says he wishes he had been much much firmer much much sooner.

Firstly, I'm very sorry for your loss .
Next you'll need to find money to pay for the inheritance tax.
If the estate is worth 820k, you'll be liable to pay 40% tax on £495,000 (approximate figures) (this is based on you being in England, where the current duties on an estate kick in after £325,000.
I can't remember how much time is given to raise the funds for tax, you'll need to check, but your solicitor should be able to tell you.
Whilst I can understand why your brother wants to stay in the family home, I think sadly realistically he's not in a position too, as after tax you'd both receive £315,000 (approximate figure). Your brother would need to find the £315,000 to give to you, and the tax due. (My calculations are very rough, but in his current position I don't see how he could raise the monies needed).

What you father wanted was for both of you to split his assets equally. Your brother has unilaterally decided he he gets to keep his and yours too. It is your brother that is going against what your father wanted.

This is no uncommon with inheritance unfortunately. People show their true colors. If you decide to let your brother keep your inheritance to keep the peace you may find that your relationship doesn't recover anyway, either because of your resentment of your brother or your brother's shame or lack of. Your fathers will was his last wish. Follow it.

There is an additional IHT allowance if house is left to immediate descendents. Get specialist advice.

You might not have any inheritance tax to pay as it’s likely that you father will have your mothers share to offset against tax.

A single house owner gets a personal allowance of £325,000 plus an additional £175,000 housing element ie £500,000. This amount is doubled for a widower so your dad’s estate will only be taxed if it is in excess of £1,000,000.

Lots of info on how to apply for probate and paying tax is available on line.

I would say this discussion is too early nobody has had time to digest anything or think of practicalities I'd wait until after the funeral.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, your brother is being delusional right now, and I wouldn't wait too long to have his bubble burst by a solicitor. The longer he believes he will be able to stay in your father's home, the harder this is going to be. Your brother simply cannot afford to stay in that home, and there is no way he would be able to buy you out of it. The sooner reality sets in, the better.