Hello and thank you to anyone who is able to share some advice or personal experience. I'm aware I will need to also seek legal advice/representation buy just wanting to get an idea on options and where to start really.
Sorry background maybe a bit lengthy trying to avoid drip feeding.
I have a 3 year old. Thier father and I seperated (not married) when they were 6 months old. Parent moved around an hour away, contact was hit and miss a period where it would be weekly then would be long gap of a couple of months and start up again for 2 visits and then drop off. This went on until they were about 18 months old. The visit would take place at my home as they lived in surfer type hostels/shared houses which wasn't the best environment for a young child and my child was also very upset leaving thier own environment at the time,especially being away from thier 'safe people' such as myself or grandma. They were a difficult baby/child to settle and he never coped well when we were together always calling on other people to come take over when he was looking after them whilst I worked. So for my child comfort the visits were at my home. As I met someone else this became more difficult even though my now husband facilitated some of these visits himself if I was working. After another period of not seeing child I message saying that as the situation had become awkward then visits could take place at another family members house in a separate building(summer house) on certain days each week so he could arrange his shifts accordingly. He seemed happy with this agreement. This was in March last year. This offer was never acted on. He then saw my child when his mum was down visiting at the end of May last year. This was the last time he saw my child. No attempt at contact for months
A text message on thier birthday to say 'sorry had some mental shit going on when can I pick up child my mates want to see them' no Happy Birthday, hope they are ok etc. Then no communication again. No Christmas or birthday cards. Was paying maintainence sporadically, set out by CMS which was chased up on occasion but has now not paid since February.
My child has no memory of him. My hsuband has been in thier life since they was just under 1, they adore each other, they call him Daddy. They have bonded with his family also. On biological fathers side only his mum has bothered to make an effort, they live up country but send birthday and Xmas cards, however also hasn't seen that Grandma in over a year.
My child will be starting school next year. Nursery have allowed them to go by my married last name rather than that of my ex but we would like to make an official name change so they have same name as me, the man they see as thier Daddy and thier baby brother.
My husband would love to adopt them officially. We have also been offered the possibility to live and work abroad in the next couple of years. My ex is on birth certificate so my understanding is I need his permission for anything pretty much, to do with my child. However they have no idea who he is, no links to his family. I don't even know where he is living or working at the moment. Where do I even begin to go about adoption/name change. Can his parental rights be removed? What can we do if he objects to us moving? Can anything be done given he absent from childs life and shows no interest in them.Ny child has a strong sense of who thier family is, they know me and my hsuband thier brother and.older sisters, my parents, my hsubands parents and niece nephew. That's who they call thier family. I have given background on contact with biological father to show that I have not prevented contact. Just feel so frustrated that I have to seek permission from someone who is absent and wouldn't have childs best interest at heart.
Thanks if you made it this far. Also tried to not make my child's gender known to keep some anonymity but it may make reading more confusing sorry 🤣