Worried about marriage / protecting wealth

[gulf89]

Hi all,

Name change. I have been engaged for the past year to my partner of 5 years. We aim to get married within the next year or so. We earn a similar amount, are not home owners (both currently looking to be, together, with a house that we can both afford based off our income) but the difference is I stand to inherit a considerable sum of circa 7 figures in the next few years. He has a small amount of savings.

I have recently started to question the idea of getting married, in part due to our at-times tumultuous relationship. With work stress, recently we have been getting under each other's skin an increasing amount and he flippantly, in an argument, said we should call the engagement off. He since apologised and says he does want to marry me but this has filled me with dread and anxiety about how conflict might arise when married and how I could stand to lose a lot.

Is there any way that I can mitigate this risk, or is getting married under these circumstances just setting myself up for big trouble down the line?

We do not have any children, yet. For what it's worth.

I mean I wouldn’t be even considering marriage or a mortgage with someone who suggests splitting up over arguments. Don’t bother.

No, definitely don't get married. It should be ok now, not loads of drama. Not a chance this will end well.

What does being married mean to you? Why do you want to marry each other? Do you really believe you can promise to be legally (and financially) bound to him till death parts you? Would you choose him to be father of your children?

Yep this. If you’re not willing and confident to be legally, financially, a married couple then it’s a no go.

I do not come from the most stable of families, my parents were not married and I never had a strong family unit. That is what appeals to me about marriage. I am concerned that my inheritance (from a relative, who mainly raised me) would become mine once already married, and that by default half of that would be his - when he so flippantly suggested calling the engagement off.

Do not marry him. Marry someone who is calm, caring, has sense of humour, values you and even if divorce even then, at least you would have had some good time.

But how strong a family unit is a marriage with this man going to be when he’s already suggested calling the engagement off?

A piece of paper doesn’t make him any more committed to you OP, it just allows him to walk away with half of your inheritance next time you fall out.

Leave this one behind and find someone who also values marriage as a strong unity the way you say you do.

You have two separate issues. Assuming you're in the UK, your inheritance is ringfenced unless it's put into the family pot, ie to buy property.

The other issue is you're already having doubts about the relationship, so listen to your gut.

Not true. Inheritance received during the marriage can and often is absolutely considered matrimonial asset for divorce.

A man would only threaten to break up with me once.

It's manipulative.

It is possible with the right legal advice to hold and use the inheritance outside of the marriage. But it limits what you can do with it to enhance your married and family life because it cannot be used to enhance that life without risking making it a marital assets. You probably need a prenup as well.

I don’t see the point of inheriting 7 figures and then not using it to enhance your life with the person you want to live your life with.

don't marry someone that you have already started arguing with.

Well, too issues.
Don't marry someone you have reservations about. Just no.

Would it be at all possible for your relative to adjust the Will to form a Trust with you (and any future children) as the sole beneficiaries?

There are two ways you could protect your inheritance.

One is not to get married, the other is to get a pre-nuptial agreement. You will frequently find people on here saying that pre-nups are not legally binding, but the reality is that the courts will uphold them if they are properly drawn up, there was full financial disclosure, both parties took independent legal advice, and neither party was placed under undue pressure to sign.