Divorce - how can I get in a good position to keep the house?

[DustyLee123]

I want to divorce my DH, but the only thing stopping me is that I want to keep the house. No mortgage on the house, DH has inheritance money and a big pension, I have a tiny pension due to bringing up the kids. All kids over 18 now.
I think he might fight me for the house, or force its sale, just to be a pain as he won’t want divorce.
How can I get in a good position to keep it?

It’s irrelevant. Exclude his inheritance, you need to simply do the maths, get the valuations, do the split and then buy him out for his half value of the house.

to be clear no you are not in a better position due to this. You can only buy him out if you have enough money to buy his half of the house.

No one can advise you unless you answer this question .

Also it depends on what your husband has done with the inheritance. Eg Did it use it to buy part of your marital home or put it in the joint bank account? Or did he buy a property in his own name which he rents out and keeps the money.

Are you asking if a judge would look favourably on you buying him out?

I think you just need to get three valuations and make your ex an offer.

I am no expert.

aren't you supposed to do quick mental arithmetic and add everything together then divide by 2 to know where you stand?

value of property say 400K
your small pension say 40K
his large pension say 140K

then total: 580k divided by 2 = 290k.

that means, yo need to find 110K to buy him out. if you can't find that sum by raising a mortgage on your own, borrowing from relatives, you can keep the house.

if inheritance needs to be added, then it is still same exercise of whole pot divided by 2.

why can't you divorce and buy yourself a smaller house? and will you really remain married if you cannot keep the house? just curious.

In England and Wales (I don’t know about Scotland or Northern Ireland), Inheritance is NOT automatically a marital asset and is usually excluded from the marital pot during divorce unless:

1. It has been combined with the marital pot / mixed into the family finances e.g. used as a deposit on the family home etc.
2. There is not enough money in the family pot to go around and provide for everyone’s NEEDS (not wants) adequately without* *it being included i.e. someone will be left homeless / on the street without it

From the information you’ve given, it seems the inheritance has been kept separate to the family finances and there is enough money in the marital pot to house you adequately (with no dependents you only need a 1 bed) so since neither option applies to you, you need to forget about the inheritance as you’re not entitled to it.

With regard to his pension, you absolutely are entitled to a share of it so if you really want to keep the house, you could use it as leverage to negotiate a bigger share of the house by saying he can have more of the pension etc.

The first step is get the house valued (average of 3 valuations) and both your pensions valued as well; even though yours is small, it will still have to be included. Once you know what you’re working with in terms of figures, you can go from there BUT keep in mind that a* pension £ is worth less *than an equity / cash £ therefore it won’t be a straight forward £ to £ trade off between the two.

Beyond that, other factors that can influence a settlement include earnings, ages, savings, debts, other assets (such as cars or significant jewellery), health etc.

As always, definitely get legal advice though.

You really just need to get a solicitor and ideally a barrister to give you advice.

Inheritance - there are no fixed rules in England & Wales. In my divorce my (non-mingled) cash inheritance was taken into the marital pot. The value of ExH's chattel inheritance (expensive antiques and furniture) wasn't.

House - you just have to buy him out, as in you will physically give him cash to the value of the amount deemed to make the split fair. We got the marital house valued, then I had to pay my exH just under half the value of the equity in the house so I could keep living there with 3 DC.

Don't bank of getting more than 50% of anything. I didn't even with 3 DC, and two are disabled, living with me full time. The only thing the court considered was if I could look after the DCs needs with a 50/50 split. As I could, that was deemed to be a fair split.

No, I don’t believe you are in a better position to keep the house if your DH also says he wants to keep it. What you’re entitled to is an agreed percentage of the marital assets, not specific assets.

Op can he afford to buy you out? How old are you both, can either raise a mortgage? As you only talk about pensions and his inheritance, is there no joint savings?

could he buy you out with his inheritance. The truth is op, if you don’t have the money to buy half of it, you can’t have it. If he does. He can.

things like he’s a good pension and inheritance so you get the house just don’t happen. It is simply a solit of thr marital assets, and if after this either of you habe enough money to buy the other out. They can. If neither can, or both can and can’t agree it will need to be sold.

the only way to get yourself in a better position is if you can raise half the value of the house and buy him out.

If his pension is worth the same as the equity in the house and your pension in theory he can decide to sign the house over to you and keep his own pension. Or he could say he wants his half of the equity now and give you half of his pension which you can access at pensionable age

No I can’t raise all the money to buy him out, I was hoping he’d keep his (big) pension and that’s how I’d buy him out, but if £10,000 of pension isn’t worth £10,000 of house, then I can’t see how I can do it.

It sounds like being hellbent on keeping the house would be a huge mistake.

Your lifestyle is going to take a significant hit when you divorce. That is inevitable. If you give up any shared pension to gain enough equity to keep the house, you are unlikely to be able to afford to run it and will be looking at a difficult and cash-strapped old age.

Women often get fixated on keeping the house in divorce and it rarely turns out to be a good move. Let the house go, take some pension to cover you when you can't work, and buy somewhere smaller.

How much is his 'big' pension that you keep mentioning? Half of that, considering yours is small may well be worth more in the long run than his half of the house. Without the exact details, no one can really answer any of this, which is why you need a proper conversation with a solicitor.

Are you saying you think you deserve the house because he has a better pension and has inherited ?

I was mid 40's with youngish DC and the house has 'opportunity' which is why I fought to keep the house plus my ex didn't have much pension.

If my DC were adults and I was over 50 and I didn't have much pension, I would not want to keep the house over a bigger pension unless you couldn't get a smaller house in the area or I could monetize the house to fund an income (renting rooms etc).

Why cant you get a mortgage to buy him out?

No.

It's generally excluded unless it's been commingled with marital assets, such as by putting it into a joint account or making improvements to the family home.

The money was left to him, not you as a couple, unless the will specifically says it's to both of you.

Do you know what type of pension he has? Do you know if it's a Defined contribution or defined benefit pension? If it's the latter, current interest rates will be playing a part in how they "value" the pension for transferring/divorce purposes.

More accurately, the courts will try to exclude it if it hasn't been comingled with martial assets. However, they will dip into the inheritance regardless if it is the only way to meet everyone's reasonable needs.

Why do you want the house? Your kids are adults, you're divorcing. You don't need a big family home for yourself.

You have a tiny pension, you can try to say you keep your pension and I'll have the house but then what are you going to live off at retirement?

You could buy somewhere smaller, with smaller running costs, start really investing in your pension etc.

I desperately wanted to keep my house too and was very upset when I couldn’t buy him out. Six months later I bought a smaller house in the next town. I now realise that I much prefer my new home. I know you want to keep yours but please be aware that you may still end up happy if you have to move.

My kids are adults, but I never said that they didn’t live with me.

I'm amazed that you want the house instead of some of the pension tbh. I would spend a long time getting advice about that.

Work out all your assets and liabilities, timeliness with work, time off for kids, when inheritance received etc and see a lawyer even just for an hour which should give you a more accurate idea then this. Inheritance it really depends on things like when he got it, what if anything it was used for, if it went into a joint bank account or joint asset or straight into something only he owns. It's not straightforward, so I wouldn't count on it being included, but it's not a definite no without more information. Needs of adult kids won't count unless disablity or SEN means they can't live independently. Even then hard to get it counted. I was hoping my XH would want to keep his pension intact too, but he wanted a chunk of the equity and was willing to break-up the pension and not really anything you can do then.