Long read but please advise...

[Damselindistres]

Ok, let me try to explain this..
when I am using the word psychopath that is not used lightly.
we are taking about a man who can be the most kind hearted man to children and one minute couldn’t do enough for you. Until something in his brain switches and the minute something doesn’t go his way; he switches against me and starts destroying property, screaming insults at me m and threatening to send explicit voice notes I sent him about a situation I once found myself in, to my family, including my mum and dad and ex. You’d think I was talking about a teenager but he is almost 50. He is the father of my son.

I am devastated to say I knew this would be the case but I wasn’t going to abort my son.

we split up a while back and he’s been begging for me back, I said no. I picked my child up from daycare today where she ate already. As he was babysitting I bought a meal deal in a rush for her to snack on while I was gone. It’s a hot day and a light snack and sandwich is all she needed for second tea today being hot me in a rush and of course a one off. I feed my kids healthy and well. He gave me abuse while I was leaving to go to an appointment (on text message) and so I went back to collect my kids as the mood he was in was volatile and I wouldn’t want my young kids around him like that (just in case - nothing ever happened before to harm the kids of course!!).
so because I went back and he wasn’t in control, he kicked all the inside of my car braking my indicator clean off, my gear stick ripped off completely and snapped my back window wiper. On top of this my phone was broke when we split up last time. Something he has never paid for.
here is the issue. When I said I am ringing the police for his volatile behaviour he has said he is sending a voice note to my family to humiliate me, where I have admitted to doing an intimate video call with a random person online a good while back before we met and told him details (he asked for me to tell him this other wise he would split up with me)! Yes it all sounds stupid but when someone is manipulating you they can make you do wild things and not question. He has also made threats against my family too. I do not know what to do. I truly believe this man would step his game up and cause so much violence and taument on my family if I were to report him to the police. WTF do I do?! I am trapped completely!!!

thank you for reading.

Call the police and tell them about his criminal damage, aggressive behaviour and blackmail.

At the risk of my family’s safety?

Totally agree with PP.
Call the police not only is he using abusive behaviour he's causing criminal damage, and black mailing you.

They will not pass any judgement, I'd imagine they've seen/heard more video, voice mails of this type than you'd ever believe, do not feel embarrassed.

I'd also imagine that they'll make your Ex delete the voice mail.

The police can't protect you if you don't report him.

You and your DC deserve to live in peace without fear.

Perhaps phone womens aid for advice - they've head similar stories a thousand times.

Be honest with the police and tell them what he’s holding over you. Blackmail is a criminal offence as is domestic abuse, hopefully they’ll take his phone off him and delete the voice note and warn him off the repercussions of sharing it.

Your family are not safe now!
The police are your only option, but make the report at a time that is not a crisis so your are calm and able to explain it all to them clearly.
You might find it easier to talk to a domestic abuse advisor first. They can support you making the police report.

Bite the bullet and tell your family - not going to be the nicest conversation but you then take back control. Then phone police and have your family prepared for threats and call 999.

1). I think you have to own your actions re the intimate video call. Nothing can be done about that now.

2). Start organising your life to remove what you see as a need for him. That starts with childcare. Find and make arrangements for something else. Your children are being damaged every time they see him. He is not a good provider.

3). Make notes.

5). Police. Report everything. Apply for a restraining order.

6). Stop believing him when he says anything.

7). When school goes back, make an appointment with the safeguarding officer. If your children have been witnessing the abuse and the results of his abuse, they will not be right in the head and need help.

I agree. Go nuclear and accuse him of everything and let the police sort it.

Long term, this is the only way to deal with dickheads like this.