Hi
my husband and me have a lot of issues
he didn’t want a baby last year and I pressured him promised him things I didn’t end up doing all the things I promised
baby born 7m ago he wasn’t the kindest after when I asked for help he held a lot of contempt and would raise his voice , snap easily , demand apologies , made fun of my epistiotomy,withold his help , the older kids would hear it. My mental health deteriorated I was on edge all the time lost 17kg weight.
he’s Arab been in the U.K. 10 years after a spouse visa
he says he treated me that way as I broke promises
i feel that in the past with the older kids he was also resentful of having to help too much and that’s his personality . He does help but it’s always on his terms “I’ll do it when I want”
he would refuse couples counselling and refuse to acknowledge the effect of his behaviour
over time my health visitor and other professionals documented I was feeling very low and referred to marac which suggested a legal remedy such as separation
I instructed a solicitor for divorce and the letter suggests he moves out. He may move out in the next few days and says I’m kicking him out
im rethinking if this was the right decision as I have back pain and rely on him for help
in September I’m supposed to be studying at uni for 4 years he’s not supportive said he wouldn’t want to stay with a doctor as my life will be stressful . It will be a 45 min commute for me and I’m not sure I want to do it or if I want the status to prove my worth to people.
regarding the house we have tried to sell it past few months with no interest lowered price
he’s refusing to sign the auction terms despite the reserve price being quite good until I sign a document that doesn’t restrict his access to the kids but he wouldn’t want a child arrangement order. So there would be a casual agreement between us that the kids live mainly with me and can visit him alternate weekends or when they choose.
he’s aware I’ve told professionals about him
he’s not aware of the marac
he says if I try to tell people during the divorce that he was emotionally abusive or try to keep him away from his kids (which he denies ) he will show videos from the past where I would scratch him after he would be emotionally immature towards me but he only records the parts that make him look the victim.
the kids like him they told social care that he raises his voices
we own house as tenants in common his share is 20% despite him paying in 16%. He said as he paid bills over the years he should get 50% of the profits as I verbally told him so once but he didn’t get that in writing and I would need more to rehouse me and the kidsZ
he says if I try to restrict his access to kids can try and get 50% of the house
so if we decide casually the child arrangement without court will solicitor accept that or is she legally required to tell a judge there were some concerns about abuse ?
i don’t want financial disclosure I currently get pip money , child benefit monthly so what would a financial agreement have to say to look fair
I have 50k savings he has 21k
can we write that we will each keep our savings and I may apply for benefits if I put my savings into my next house
I don’t want his pension it’s not big he will pay for child support.
he’s not aware kids get DLA payments as he doesn’t believe in autism and never supported emotionally he would just want that money for bills.
I just want to be happy but I can’t be happy when he takes the kids to his relatives house I will worry about them I have general anxiety about pollution , car traffic , I’d love to take them to Scotland and live on the islands for cleaner air but I doubt he’d give permission.
if we stay together he says I’d have to contribute to bills £300 a month and use up my savings as he says I’ve accumulated money while he’s been spending on bills
id also have to tell the health professionals that I lied to him by making him promises and that’s why he treated me that way
I don’t know what to do I’ve already paid about £2k for advice I can’t get legal aid
money for divorce could be used on the kids holidays I feel so guilty that it might end up costing 10k.
I could stay with him as he will always be the dad and even if pay money and divorce I’ll still see him weekends