Parenting - where do I stand (im so desperate)

[drainedparent]

it would mean the world if I could have some help

im 23, son 4, ex 25 and his new gf 20

we spilt when son was a baby but still spent a lot of time together and co parenting was fine until March this year

ex has always smoked weed but outside the home address, I never asked much about it as I don’t understand drugs, I’ve never smoked or weed

this year my son has came home smelling of it, I’ve seen TikTok’s of her smoking joints upstairs (she claimed it wasn’t lit)

they met in end of March and introduced my son to her 6 weeks later and they live together after 2 months

my ex hasn’t been putting our son first. Cancelling days. He’s refusing to communicate with me.

he’s messaged his mum, after a month of not seeing our son, asking to have him this weekend. I don’t feel safe our son going since they both smoke weed Indoors. I was thinking of setting up supervised some how but I don’t know where to suggest or where I stand legally

I fear that a court would grant overnights and 50:50 as I can’t prove much that he smokes it indoors, and I always knew he smoked it. But he never put our son at risk until now. I keep having anxiety attacks. It’s so hard co parenting with a selfish narcissist. I’m so desperate for help where I do I start

i just want my son safe. Of course I want him to see his dad I just dunno how to go about it

You'll get the same answers as all the other threads you've started about this

Everyone is saying different and my head is too messed up to think about this. I need to know legally and not morally what is okay to do

You need to get legal advice then.

Posting the same thread again and again on Mumsnet won’t get you different answers

Withhold contact and wait for him to take you to court. Ask the court for supervision visits for a while then move to unsupervised. Pretty much what the court will agree on.
You could do a parenting agreement but that relies on him being decent.

Other people who have not seen it, may do. If you can’t help then you don’t need to comment. I’m clearly in need of help and sometimes there are no better people, than people who have been in the same experience

Thank you. Do you think it would work in my favour suggesting a supervised visit at his mums or my parents until mediation/court? I feel like I can never do right 😢 I feel so incredibly anxious tonight
its such a shame because he was somewhat decent until he met his girlfriend