SAHM, inheritance and divorce

[cheeseloiuse]

Desperately need some legal views on this. I will speak to a solicitor but have very little money so need to be sure I'm asking the right questions.

Currently going through divorce from husband of 25 years (together 32). 3 DC but only one still a minor (16).

Upon mutual consent I gave up my reasonably well paid career 12 years ago to become a SAHM to support him in setting up his own business.

No pension provision was made for me although I was officially an employee. As it stands there is approx £40k difference between my previous life pension and his current pension.

3 years ago it was increasingly clear the business was failing and I immediately went back to work full time albeit minimum wage as my skillset was so out of date.

The business has been wound up and he is also now working for basic wage. His choice, he could very easily get a senior role elsewhere but says he doesn't want that pressure again.

Last summer I received a £100k inheritance from my DM's estate. £20k paid off joint debts, the rest cleared a big chunk of our mortgage. I did that in good faith, had no reason to think we would split. With hindsight, a stupid thing to do and I should have kept the gift separate.

The only asset we have is our house which is currently being sold.

We originally verbally agreed 50/50 split of assets. Upon reflection I think I was naive and as per most of our marriage, bulldozed into doing what he wants. We also agreed to mediation and have had our separate meetings.

I went back to him and said I at least want my inheritance ring-fenced to which I got a barrage of abuse. When he calmed down he offered £10k pension transfer, to which I said no. He has come back again and offered £20k.
This equates to roughly a 52/48% split of a

If I held out for the full £80k it would be nearer 60/40%.
In my view that division goes some way to offset the inequality between pensions and earning capacity but would really appreciate views on whether it is a realistic battle to have. He is also trying to bully me into making a decision immediately as the consent order is due any day and we have the joint mediation scheduled for end of the month.

A 60/40% split would still enable us to both
buy somewhere modest but likely I could buy without a mortgage whereas he would need a small one.

Do you mean the conditional order is due any day?

Maybe communicate through the mediator only.

You can ask for the split but l don't think your inheritance will be viewed as only yours unfortunately.

The inheritance is a joint marital asset,

you can’t just decide you want it ring fenced for you only.

Image if his business was successful and he wanted to ring fence the profits….

It’s much more complicated than ‘inheritance is part of marital assets’.
The issue here is that you’ve used some of it to pay debts and mortgage.

Sorry yes meant conditional order

I made the same mistake as you and used my inheritance to pay off some of the mortgage and for other family costs, so it became classed as family money. You can't undo this. You can offset the difference in pension though so you get more of the house equity, rather than taking a transfer which probably isn't worth it with the values involved. It's not usually £for£ with pension as it'll be worth less in the future.

Maybe I can't get my inheritance back per se but I do wonder if it's worth exploring what I have lost out on by being a SAHM.

You were not a SAHM- you were an employee of his company (unless I am missing something)

Go for 50:50 of everything as a minimum plus a little bit more if you are still housing all 3 DC and he isn't?

He can't keep more of his pension but wants 50% of everything else.

These days solicitors try and keep the inheritance with the person it's left to. However there has to be parity so money will go between the parties to make sure they have the same. I'm divorcing and ex h has had to give me a lump sum and I'm getting more than 50% of the house sale and more than 75% of his pension

Did you come to this agreement via mediation or solicitors?

I need to consider the cost benefit analysis financially and emotionally of fighting for more

You’ve likely lost out a not inconsiderable sum. However, you chose to do so without making arrangements to ensure you didn’t lose out, by for example starting a private pension. In reality, your decision to not take up paid employment for 12 years has impacted both of you in terms of reducing joint saving capacity, reducing the ability to pay off a mortgage earlier etc.

Yes I stupidly assumed we were a team and would never in a million years separate - that we would share everything

Solicitors. We had a four way meeting but I was in a different room and he said no to everything I asked for. Wanted another meeting. I didn't see the point. Eventually he gave in.

edited to add. In the future he'll have a lot more than me as he will inherit from a parent six figures and he has more investments that if they do well will give him very high five figures if not very high six whereas my share will be only five. But I've got the cash in my account now and that's guaranteed.

FYI when you do have an agreement it goes before a judge to say yes or no.

Not stupid. That's the whole point of being married.

I also stayed at home with our children and he never wanted me to go back to work. TBH I was happy at home but it would have been good for me to work and I will look for something once I've moved and have my animals all settled.

Spoken to solicitor who confirmed as long as needs are met of both parties and DC it is likely my inheritance would be ringfenced.
Was reassured by his view as he didn't push his services though and just encouraged resolution via mediation.

So 50/50 was ok when you had no money and he was running a business but now you’ve put some money in 50/50 isn’t ok?

Why would that be ok?

It does come across rather as if you want all assets to be joint except the ones that were "yours".

You say that you became a SAHP but you also say that you were "officially" an employee of his company. So I'm not clear as to whether you were a SAHP or whether you were working? Or did he just fraudulently list you as an employee to fiddle the taxes?

If you were "officially an employee", I'm not sure how far you will get arguing the case that you gave up your career to be a SAHP?

If that was a response to my question, 50/50 is ok but it’s not really ok to change the goal posts just because you’ve now put money in to split

It wasn’t a stupid thing to pay off your debts and your mortgage, it was prudent to where you were at the time. I don’t know- you were a sahm and his wages would have kept you all afloat, I don’t think now you’re splitting you can take away what you put in and not expect him to be pissed off- shoe on the other foot would you not be calling him every name under the sun?

But op was an employee not a sahm or have I misunderstood? Surely this means she had an income the whole time.