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Separation with child - moving out

4 replies

Hedgetwig · 13/07/2024 10:19

If me and my partner separated as we’re having continuous arguments at the moment and really not getting on well. What would the legally and morally right thing to do be for our child? I would want to move out as I currently live with my partner at his mums house which is planned to be sold in two years in her divorce. I would go home to my mums home (15 minutes down the road) with our daughter and save up to move out on my own or apply for social housing to move out locally. I would not want to stop the father seeing his daughter and I would want to make a visitation plan so she has routine and we both see her as much as possible jobs permitting. He works between 5-6 days a week, I’m on maternity until next year but when I return to work I’ll be working 3 days a week. I earn more financially and I can drive. I currently am the main person who looks after our daughter.

When we’ve discussed Separation before he said he wanted to be primary carer as he is more capable as a parent than myself and she lives in his mums house which is stability for her. But as I say there’s plans for the house to be sold in his mums divorce. I am just as capable as a parent, he may be more experienced as he has had a son in a prior relationship, but the son does not live with us and he does not currently see him due to financial issues. There is a court order in place that he can see his son with a professional third party but cannot currently afford it due to paying for previous court hearings, which I helped fund. He says he wouldn’t stop me from seeing her which I’m sceptical about as he has listed numerous things he has issues with in regards to my parenting but then doesn’t intervene or try to change anything I’m doing.

I don’t want to hurt or upset him and I never want to take his daughter away from him but I feel she would have a more stable, financially and emotionally stable home with me being primary carer with regular visitation and overnight stays with her dad. But he would not agree to this. If I was to leave can I literally just move out and take her with me? Can he stop me from taking her to live at my mums? Would I need to see a solicitor before visitation could start? What happens the day you decide to leave or move out if the other person wants to be the child’s primary carer? He said he’d want me to live here but we’d still have the same problems and he said he’d want to move on and meet someone else which he can do but I don’t really want to stay in his house if he’s out doing that.

OP posts:
JustAnotherLawyer2 · 13/07/2024 13:16

Men are not given supervised contact on an ongoing basis for no reason.

He doesn't see his son for 'financial reasons' - so clearly cannot afford the professional supervised contact he has ordered.

What on earth makes him think a court would leave a baby in his care.

Stop hesitating, pack up and move you and your baby to your mother's house now.

If he doesn't agree with the child arrangements, he can arrange for mediation and then court if necessary.

RandomMess · 13/07/2024 13:23

You are currently primary cater for your DC so move out with her.

He can ask for 50:50, you can also ask for right of first refusal so that if he isn't the one caring for your DC he has to offer you the opportunity to care for her. This means he can't offload it onto his Mum whilst claiming to do 50:50.

Presumably he'd have to use childcare to work anyway!

PiggieWig · 13/07/2024 13:28

The court order for his other child stating contact must be supervised suggests there’s more going on here.

On the face of it, yes you can just leave and go to your mum’s but if there are concerns over his parenting (which the previous order suggests) you’d be wise to take advice before allowing unsupervised contact.

I’d speak to your HV for advice here tbh.

Meadowfinch · 13/07/2024 13:32

So he already has to be supervised while seeing his other child.....Stop procrastinating and move to your mum's with your dd.

Offer him ongoing access immediately. Stop asking for permission, just get on with it.

He won't take you to court, he can't afford it and he would likely lose anyway. Just offer him plenty of access.

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