Mediation for child arrangement

[LucyLeah]

I'm going to invite my ex to the mediation. We tried discussions but he is bullying me into agreeing on him staying with me in my property ( i just bought a little house), from mon-sun (3 nights) so he can have a contact with his son. He works most weekends. Son is starting school this year. I want 100% him to have contact with child, alternate weekends , day in a week , i am very open for discussions and happy to accomodate needs etc etc but he is then shouting and discussion ends. My question is: if mediation fails and we will go to the court, who will pay for it? Him or me? My friend said if I take him to court i have to pay? How does it work? Advice pls!

Your friend is wrong. The default position is that you share the costs of mediation between you.

Her friend is right, if she takes him to court, she has to pay the application fee. It's £255 - but fee remission is available for those on low incomes/benefits.

Mediation on the other hand, may be free in that legal aid is sometimes available.

I took the OP as asking who pays for mediation rather than who pays the court fees.

You do not have to accept him into your home. And I really wouldn't do that in the majority of cases.

You need to facilitate contact but you don't need tonhave the contact in your house. If he doesn't have anywhere to have contact then he can use a contact centre.

If you are worried about being bullied in mediation then you need to write down your thoughts in advance and try to just repeat them all the time. In theory the mediator should help.

So for example

• you can't stay over in my house
• I am happy for you to have access to DS for overnights but not by staying in my house
• It is my house and I need to be able have full use of it all the time
• it is my house and it is not appropriate for you to stay there

Stay strong OP. You don't have to put up with this

I think that going to mediation will be an excellent way of showing the courts what you’ve attempted to do and how your ex responds. Insisting on staying in your home is just batshit! No court in the land would sanction this. Please do not let him bully you into something as crazy as this - have you spoken to a women’s refuge?

Whoever applies pays the court fees, but they are low compared to the fees of legal representation, which you would each pay your own.

Mediators are actually very good and they do persevere.

If he wants overnight contact and doesn't live close by then he books a Premier Inn or stays at a family members house, or moves closer those are his options, he can't bully you into letting him stay at your house you just say "No". I wouldn't let him cross the threshold, do all handovers at the door or a neutral place.

The initial cost of applying to court isn't that much, you don't need a solicitor just outline the reasonable contact that you feel is in the best interest of the child and the court is likely to go along with it. No court is going to dictate he has access to your home

Yes I understood that, which is why I highlighted the bit where she said 'take him to court'.