Other parent on holiday, I had no idea

[nakarz]

Hi

My child's father has gone on holiday. We have a shared care arrangement with a joint Lives With order. He has got a friend to live in the house, take child to and from school instead of informing me and allowing me to provide that care.

What is the legal standpoint on this? Surely it flies in the face of the court order?

How old is the child?

I'd be picking my child up from the house or from school, absolutely no chance this is acceptable.

Legally I think this is allowed

Even if it is, I'd still go and get my child as what can the ex do then?? He's on holiday 🤷

Also, why are the school releasing the child to what is presumably a stranger not already on the pick up list? They can't just release children to anyone. Our school won't add anyone to the pick up list without both parents agreeing to it although not sure if that's the same everywhere

How old is the chuld and who have they been left with? If it's a grandparent anf a teenager then that's v different to a toddler with a random adult

Did you ask for the right of first refusal in your CAO?

I raised this in court, and was told in no uncertain terms that it was entirely up to the father, what he did with the children in his time.

(Although when he wanted me to collect the children from him when they were sick on "his" days, and I was working, I was also in the wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️.)

It's so shitty that it works like this though, as so many blokes deliberately go for 50/50 care but then the kids are shoved off to be looked after by grandparents/new partners etc half the time they have them rather than the kids being allowed to go back to their mum. I don't think that's in the best interests of the kids but the courts do seem to disagree.

Yep, 100% agreed, it’s terrible the way the courts look at this. Very much depends on the age of the child I guess but surely they will be more comfortable with you. I feel for you, if your child is not happy I hope you’re allowed to collect. I have actually ended up taking my child off school premises for lunch when things like this has happened so at least he could see me as separation from both myself and his father was making him anxious

Child is 6. I only found out because my child mentioned it and I was able to verify it's truth. I feel deceived.

As some other posters have said, it is entirely up to him what he does with your child when s/he is with him. In the same way, he has no say in what you do when your child is with you.

Shouldn't the school know who to contact in an emergency? Shouldn't I know who to contact if my child is in their care? Shared care is only achievable with communication.

Op does your child arrangement state about this situation? In ours we have a first refusal so if the other parent is unable to care for the child for more than 24 hours they have to let the other one know to allow them to take over if they want. If you don't have this in place you need to get it put in there, and I'd be speaking to the school about who is on the pick up list and emergency contact etc. Your child is 6 so not even like you can text or ring him, it's not right for your ex to leave him with a friend and not even let you know while he's on holiday, it's disgraceful!

Exactly. Where does it end? Him telling you which child are you can use?

I'd be interested to know if either of you have been in a position with an ex who does this with your young child. Because I am and it's fucking horrible, child unsettled and unhappy because they are palmed off on other people and not allowed to be with their mum because it's on 'the dad's time'. It's shit. How anyone can think it's reasonable to go on holiday and leave a 6 year old with a friend and not even tell the mother is beyond me.

@Shiningout take it to court and get a CAO that includes the right of first refusal as mentioned above.

Like it or not, this is how the courts look at these things.

If one parent is permanently putting the child in the care of third parties it may be possible to reduce contact. If there are genuine safeguarding concerns they will also be taken into account. But, in general, what the other parent does with your child whilst your child is in their care is up to them.