Occupation order advice please... completely stuck!

[Emsy999]

My situation is quite complicated and long winded so I'll try and narrow it down a little...

In the process of divorcing my husband. We separated 2 years ago and I moved out of the family home 14 months ago as it was such a toxic environment for myself and our two young children. I'm renting privately and the child arrangement is 60/40 with them spending the majority of their time with me. Before I moved out I arranged house valuations and estate agent photographers to come around so we could get the process started of putting the house on the market. My husband cancelled them all, refusing to put the house on the market, stating that he could afford to stay there and pay the mortgage. I have always felt guilty about leaving so I suppose I let him convince me that this was best for the children - at least they don't have to get used to two different houses.

I continued to pay half of the mortgage for 3 months (as well as my own rent) but just couldn't pay it any longer. Again I requested that we sold but he refused. Fast forward a few months and he wanted to remortgage to get a better rate as he was struggling so I agreed to this.

Fast forward a year, and two months ago I finally applied for child maintenance (a year after moving out). He'd always threaten to force 50/50 custody if I did it but I was getting into debt and having trouble staying afloat paying for all the expenses relating to the children so I finally plucked up the courage to do it (I know he should be contributing to his children but I was just scared and felt guilty). He completely lost his head and is now claiming that due to having to pay me child maintenance he can't afford to pay the mortgage on the family home. He stopped the direct debit with the lender (without even talking to them to try and negotiate a lower amount). He's always been a stickler for avoiding bad credit but his family are loaning him money to buy me out and pay off the existing mortgage so this won't affect him, only me and he knows it. He won't use the family money to pay the mortgage and is now refusing to pay anything towards the mortgage (not even half with me) unless I accept his unfair out of court financial offer. I switched to an interest only mortgage so I could at least try and pay it myself (on my credit card and as well as my own rent) but he cancelled it stating that the mortgage payments would increase for him once the interest only period is finished and he doesn't want that.

I am literally stuck between a rock and a hard place and don't know where to turn. I have filled in an income and expenditure form for the lender which clearly shows I'm incapable of paying the mortgage (unless I put it on my credit card). They have sent him one but haven't received anything back because he can obviously afford it (especially interest only) and he is just blackmailing me into accepting his offer. The lender has said that they can't chase him up about the income and expenditure form until he's missed a payment but then that means that that will go against my credit report. To be honest, the lender has been less than helpful.

I have looked into an occupation order and whether that would be an option. I know I moved out last year but I can afford the mortgage on my own (at least until our final financial hearing in September) and if he is saying he can't afford the mortgage (but is unwilling to also put the house on the market) why should he be allowed to stay there and ruin my credit rating in the process?

Does anyone have any experience of occupational orders please? How long do they take to go through? And what do people think my chances are of the court agreeing to this? As I said, we have the final financial hearing in September but that is another 4 months worth of mortgage I'm going to have to find as well as my own rent, whilst he lives there rent free.

If I was to go down that route I would pay for legal advice to give me the best chance but I'm in so much debt already with the endless to'ing and fro'ing from all his coercive control and emotional and physiological abuse, I'm broke.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks all x

Hi I’m not sure that order would be most appropriate as it tends to be used in domestic abuse cases as a way of removing someone from a property

my advice would be to speak to a family law solicitor urgently about all the financial issues. There are orders that be made in the financial divorce side of things.

if you go on the law society website you can find a solicitor through a postcode search Good luck

Thank you for your reply.

Yes, I realise that an occupation order is usually used in domestic abuse cases. The fact he's refusing to pay the mortgage so I either get into debt (by paying it on my credit card) or get bad credit (because I can't actually afford to pay it) is financial abuse surely? He's the only one residing in the property as well.

Women's Aid and other domestic abuse organisations have all said this is financial abuse (and his other behaviour amounts to emotional abuse and coercive control) so I'm thinking that an occupation order is hopefully the right way to go.

Is he offering to buy you out but you said no? Because you don't agree with what he is offering you to do so?

What's his offer?

His family are loaning him the money to buy me out and pay off the existing mortgage but he doesn't want to do that before the hearing because he says I will go for half the house value as opposed to half the equity in it at the moment. I've told him I wouldn't do this. He is the only one residing in the property. I am renting elsewhere.

So he has the money to pay the mortgage now (or at least half with me) but because I've applied for child maintenance he's saying he can't afford to pay the mortgage and is threatening that unless I stop the child maintenance he won't pay the mortgage. And I know he will go through with it as he's so stubborn. Even if I say ok, I'll stop the maintenance for the time being I still think he'll refuse to pay the mortgage because he's so hell bent on me accepting his offer. It's all about control (he has tried to control me extensively using child arrangements since we separated so it's not new).

His offer isn't fair and my solicitor and the law clinic have both said so but they haven't told me why exactly or what I should be suggesting (solicitor just wants me to spend more telling me I suppose).

He is offering me 50% of the equity and he is deducting 50% of the difference in our pensions (mine was £8k higher last year but he's received a promotion so his pension has gone up significantly and will have overtaken mine if we go to court). He hasn't taken into effect the fact that he earns more (around £10k per year), I have the children 60% of the time, my earning potential going ahead will be less, my mortgage capacity will be very low as I'm PT (he will be mortgage free and paying back a very small amount to his Mum and is living in the family home alone). Also my debt is considerably more and a huge portion of that debt is a matrimonial debt as he wouldn't allow me to take anything from the house when I left).

I know his offer isn't fair and his awful behaviour trying to get me to accept his offer shows he's somewhat desperate to agree out of court. The fact he will be mortgage free just makes it easier for him to blackmail me into accepting his offer as well. He knows I'll need a mortgage going ahead to home myself and our children and can't get bad credit but it won't affect him as he won't need this because of his family's help so he's forcing me into more debt to pay his mortgage. He's just awful.

Have divorce proceedings been issued? If so, I think you need to start the financial
proceedings and make an application for maintenance pending suit, with the amount needed from him being at least the amount of the mortgage payment.

Divorce proceedings started a year ago and we've had our first financial hearing where the judge tried to get us to negotiate and come to an agreement ourselves. The problem is is that he will NOT negotiate and will only accept what he wants and feels is right (I'm having the same issue with him for the childcare arrangements). With his offer he is only concentrating on and including what the judge said HE 'may ' be entitled to and not what the judge said I 'may' be entitled to as well.

I haven't heard about a maintenance pending suit but I'll look into it. Thank you so much x