I'm so sorry if I waffle but I honestly do not think I can do it anymore. I have no support, no family near by, just my toxic inlaws and I'm at my wits end with my partner.
We have been together for 11 years, cultural marriage not recognised in the UK, we didn't register the marriage.
We have two children 7 and 5. Both settled in school.
We jointly own our home worth £400k, equity of £200k in the house. The money to buy this house came from our previous home which was just in my name, previous home I paid deposit of 30k. Not ring fenced, I didn't know this was a thing.
We have 3 rental properties together. One in DPs name which he has had for 15 years and 2 in my name which we have had for a couple of years, all worth around £100k.
I earn £80k, DP is self employed, and earns around £40k. He manages the rental homes which bring in another £1.5k per month.
I think DP has mental health issues, I have supported him as much as I can, asked him to go to the doctors. Deep down he is a good person, helps around the house but recently been too eratic with his emotions, one minute I'm at fault for everything, next minute he loves me to death. He has closed off all his friends, he doesn't like them anymore for some reason. He barely sees his family. If I go to get some space and visit his family then I need to decide with him and get his permission although hes previously said he wants me to spend more time with his family.
He did start taking something for a hormone imbalance but ordered it himself online. I shared my concerns and he stopped taking it and how his mood is off again and now its all my fault again. When his in this mood he can't engage with the children either.
He doesn't see that the life we have built we did together but for some reason he is always unhappy with something and it's affecting my children now, especially my eldest.
I think becoming a parent has been hard for DP but who isn't it hard for? I thrive in motherhood. He loves spending time with DCs but lately its all been a bit much for him. I have asked him to spend time with friend to break up his routine, but he says he only wants to spend time with me and his children. I feel so trapped. If I take children out I feel like i need to rush home to have our family dinner together.
DP used to be so happy go lucky and I feel like I've lost everything. I now need to think what is best for my children. They love their dad but eldest lately has also said he seems different. Also to clarify there is no other woman, sometimes I wish there would be so he can find something to make him happy.
So what do I do? Fix this somehow for the kids? If we separate does he take half of everything because I am a higher earner? I'm not sure what to do or how I even ask him if he wants to part ways. I think he likes the thought of a stable family at home but I just find him too controlling now. I want the kids to stay with me, I think they would be scared to spend more than a day alone with him, not because of anything other than they find comfort in me, I am their mother, I know their needs, DP does do things for them but don't think he could cope having them alone for more than one day at a time.