School “known as” name

[RoseNarene]

Hiya
DD is starting secondary in September. She wants her name to be double barrelled to both my name and her dad’s (we are divorced and I reverted to my maiden name, but her official surname is his). Ex is completely against any name changes, officially or otherwise.

Can she be known by the double barrelled name at school unofficially? School have said they can do this; so on all official documents she has her dad’s name, but on the register and on her books etc, she is double barrelled.

is this allowed? Can he fight me on this and force the school to change it back? Sadly we do have a court order that says she can’t be “known by” any other name without everyone’s consent. But it wasn’t sure if this applied to unofficial, informal changes.

thanks

Are the school aware of the court order?

Unfortunately if the court order says she can’t be known by any other name then that’s final, unless you take it back to court. When was that decided?

If the school become aware of the order stating that ( or her Dad complains) they likely will abide by it as that’s legally what they should do.

Honestly cannot recall if I mentioned the court order or not. I just wanted to know if the “known by” wording of the court order applies to informal changes. I thought it might only apply to legal, official changes, but obviously that’s not the case. It’s just very sad for her because I suspect he will say no and then she won’t be allowed to be known by the name of her choosing unless I take it to court, which I’m not keen on. I’ve had quite enough of going to court after he dragged me there almost every year until he was finally banned.

edit: the court order was originally made in 2017.

After the age of 16 a child can change their own name by deed poll, and a parent’s permission is not required.
Just thought I’d mention it as even if you can’t do it now, she can decide for herself in a few years.

If there's already a court order in place you'd be in breach of this order by allowing her to use an alternate name to the one agreed by the court, even in an unofficial capacity. There's literally no benefit to your DD using a different name than the one she'd have to go by for exams etc anyway.

If that’s the wording from the order; it covers “Known by”, so also covers unofficial changes, unfortunately.

we do have a court order that says she can’t be “known by” any other name without everyone’s consent

This is a problem that you can't overturn without going back to court or getting consent. Otherwise you are in contempt of court. However court would take your DD's views into account now given her age.

You have to tell the school about the court order.

You obviously know you can’t do this, and he will find out if he is at all involved with the school and then they are in hot water as well as you.

This isn’t a standard thing to have written into a court order, which means it’s been a contentious issue and has already been litigated. You lost.

You’ll both need to wait until she is old enough to change her own name.

That is incorrect. I didn’t even know it was in the court order until it was pointed out to me. It was not litigated. It was never mentioned.

So what happens if you do it? Does he need to take you to court to insist it is stopped? Why does he get to call the shots on this?

All he has to do is show the school the court order and they’ll have to use her legal name.

He won’t have to go to court. If he disagrees then the Op will have to go to court to try and get a new court order that supersedes the current one.

I guess if I do it, he calls the school and makes them change it back.

It is in fact standard wording in a child arrangements order.

In order to use a different name, a court order will be needed.

The courts may well agree, especially as the child wants it, and would likely be 12 by the time the court decides, so her views would be of interest, if not fully determinative.

Child can change her name when she's 16 of her own free will, still plenty of time for all her important exams (A levels, degree etc.) to be in the name of her choosing.

DD changed her known by name in year 9 and did it legally by Deed Poll on her 16th birthday so that exam certificates would be in her chosen name

no court order here though.

My DD has always been 'known as' at school so that we have the same name. Her legal name is on all legal docs, such as exam certificates, Dr, dentist, passport, etc. There is no court order.

To be honest if it's what your daughter wants, I'd support her to double barrel her name at school.

The problem for the Op is that schools have no choice but to use a child’s legal name if a party with PR objects, or as in this case there is a court order.

They don’t have any choice, even if it’s not what the child wants. They have to go with the law.

Do you know which actual law this is please? I’ve been trying to find it but can’t…

Children Act 1989 Section 13, I'm fairly sure.

I get on well with my ex and he’s actually signed all the forms for a name change (to my husbands name so a relatively contentious change!) but when DS requested this informally in year 7, school checked with us both that we were happy and said they needed it in writing. Just as a heads up that they may check through protocol, court order aside.

The school legally aren't allowed to do this though. They must defer to the court order.

If he says no, the school has to follow his instructions until they're taking name details for public exam entries. She can then do exactly what she wants which, with a father like that, could mean she changes her surname to yours alone...

Depending on how vengeful and mean he is, he could also file a motion to have you held in contempt of court. You'd have to choose whether to throw your child under the bus or face the penalty.

If your DD is very serious about this, it might be worth pursuing through the court. But she can't disregard the order and neither can you.

Be careful about this matter. Family courts are very keen to hop on any hint of parental alienation, and this could be construed as such.

If you have a completely 'clean' record of facilitating contact and being reasonable and flexible wrt his parenting, and this has only come up since you reverted to your maiden name, the charge of alienation would be hard to prove, but it would still be hard to predict how it would go.

Once there is a court order, the lives of all parties to a divorce and custody agreement are governed by that order. That is how divorce works.

The OP's solicitor should have gone through the order line by line to ensure she agreed to every single stipulation in it before she signed it and the court entered it.

I'm guessing this was a contentious divorce and a vindictive man. Beware of a charge of parental alienation.

Ask your child to hold off until she's 16. Research the steps she needs to take in order to change her own name, so she has hope.

Let me guess, you don't live in the UK do you?

I’ve been to the family court a lot because ex kept dragging me back to change the order (that he agreed to). He broke the court order several times, and the only time they cared was when I brought it up when HE took me back again. Having said that, I’m not saying I’ll be doing it anyway. I won’t. Just pointing out my experience.