Child arrangement

[LucyLeah]

I've just moved into the new house I bought for myself and my son. Before, for a year, my ex was coming after work from fri-sun and staying in my rented flat. Every time I told him that he is spending evening with me not really time with his son. And I don't want that. He always responded : I work most weekends I don't have a chance to see my son. I couldn't do anything because he was on the tenancy and I didn't want to sign a new contract. Now the house is mine and my son is living with me. My ex already said yesterday he will be coming every weekend , and I should give him the key as well. By the way, he is living with his parent. Now , what should I do, mediation? Or letter from solicitor saying I'm definitely not agreeing on him coming, I want him to take our son every 2nd weekend to his parents etc. I really don't want him here !!! What if he can't take him, he works almost every weekend? I will never agree on him living with me over weekends.

You are right say no and don’t ever let him in your house. Certainly don’t give him a key. Let him in once and it will become more frequent. You could do mediation to agree pick up drop off times and you would also have someone else there hearing he is not to use your house to look after your child. Him working weekends is not your issue to solve

Very simply tell him no. Does sound like he would be an arse though so would be looking at mediation/CAO. No judge is going to tell you your ex must see his child in your home.

Yes I think I will have to get a mediation. He already said if I don't agree on him coming to my house, it will be a problem! So i recon he will go to solicitor himself. He told me it's not going to be like I want.

Is alternate weekends the usual outcome ? Or he can get one day every weekend? I really want one full weekend with me.

Alternate weekends and one overnight in the week.

It's up to him to make it work.

How old is your son?

He is 4. That's what I want and I told him that but he still insists on coming every weekend. After work.

No judge is going to order you to let your ex see your child in your own home if you don't want him there. If he sees a solicitor I would hope they would tell him that sharpish.

Do you need mediation this early in discussions?

Just tell him this house is a fresh start and you don’t want him staying over. He should collect DS from school on Friday and go back to his parents.

Tell him that now that you have your own home, he needs a new plan for contact with his son, away from.your home. You suggest everyone second weekend and, if he wants, one night in the qeek but are open to alternative proposals within reason. Also say that you believe it is best of your son gets time with both parents individually which is why you suggest even second weekend.

Just remember - you do not need to let him into your house. Also, that he can threaten you all he likes but ultimately that is a hard line. Also, if you are offering fair options, yhe ball is in his court to offer alternatives and, if he really thinks you are being unreasonable, to take you to mediation or court.

Yes , first conversation ended him shouting and threatening. I will try again. I was thinking to send him an email with my proposal so I can avoid confrontation again. Then he decides what to do with that. I am very reasonable and open to swapping weekends days etc I do understand he works most weekends etc. Let's see what happens

You have already moved? Then yes, send him an email. Ask when he will be collecting ds (or if you want to avoid him.coming to yours, ask when he would like to drop him or meet you somewhere).

It sounds like he has been abusive and Controlling so try to avoid in person contact. If he comes over, don't lwt him in and be prepared to call the police if necessary.

You are imposing a perfectly reasonable boundary. You don't need to feel guilty or attempt to accommodate him and be forced into letting him into your house.

If he works weekends then extra time during school holidays might work better for everyone. (I’m assuming that he works 5 days a week)

There’s 13 weeks of school holidays so lots of weekdays he can have if he works weekends.

Have you given him your new address ? If he hasn’t got it then he can’t come to your house. He doesn’t have a right to know where you live as long as you facilitate drop offs etc to compensate.

Send him the email. Then it’s in writing that he’s been told you don’t want him in your house. Tell him straight that the previous house was rented under both of your names so he got a say and this house is soley yours and so he gets no say in this decision. Suggest a reasonable schedule and say you are open to his suggestions but be 100% clear that he contact will need to take place outside of your home. If he kicks off again you invite him to mediation and then if that fails/he won’t engage, you go to court. You should ask a solicitor, but I believe that if you come to an agreement in mediation then there’s a way to get it signed off my a family court judge so that your agreement becomes legally binding.

Alternating weekends will be seen as very reasonable legally as your son deserves chilling time with you plus the possibility of seeing your side of the family overnight if you wish.

Hold firm and use broken record technique to tell him repeatedly that he is not coming into your home. End the phone call as soon as he starts getting abusive.
Get a Ring door bell fitted if you can in case he starts showing up without permission.
Best of luck!