Sorry - a divorce one

[FrankTurnersCat]

I've posted this in divorce / separation too but wondered if anyone here could help too as I'm so muddled right now.

After a long time waiting, I told H I wanted a divorce this morning (waited for DD to finish GCSE'S). Reasons - gaslighting narc who leans toward rascism & homophobia.

I saw a solicitor in April who confirmed my thought of me keeping the house & him keeping his pensions (equity in house = pension value) was valid & the quickest, cheapest route.

He's refused this as it leaves him with nothing immediately and I now agree. He's 55 in Oct '25 so can access pensions then.
His counter offer is I buy him out AND he keeps his pension... somehow I feel that this is somehow wrong? He then very generously said hed sign a clean break so wouldnt come after the inheritance i'd be due from my mum / step dad (mum died 2 years ago). I now know that future inheritance won't count in the joint pot.

I will be calling the solicitor for an appointment on Monday but I just wondered what MN thought.

Am I going mad? Whilst tempted to agree just to get him gone, it just feels very very wrong.

I saw a solicitor in April who confirmed my thought of me keeping the house & him keeping his pensions (equity in house = pension value) was valid & the quickest, cheapest route.

His counter offer is I buy him out AND he keeps his pension...

these two things are very much not the same.

Also the inheritance - 1 inheritance is never guaranteed as people can change their will or circumstances change.
Also if you are divorced before this comes through he isn’t entitled to any I would think.

Definitely get some legal advice

Sorry- additional facts
Him - age 53, currently £18k pa due to previous custodial sentence 2010 - 2013. £220k in pensions
Me - 44, currently £38 pa. £12k in pensions due to part time work & home stay when he was away.
Kids - 17 & 16
House - £300k value, £105k mortgage. Equal contributions into this & previous mortgages thanks inheritance from my father when DS born in 2006.

So pension is actually potentially £20-25k more than equity in house?

I'm not really understanding his counter offer. He wants you to buy him out so half the equity? AND he keeps all his pension?

Why would he think this was something you would agree to?

I'd say no then, I'll take half your pension thanks

And let's give loads of money to the solicitors while we're at it

If you buy him out you are essentially splitting the equity in the house, I assume 50/50. Therefore, if you do this, you should also split the pensions 50/50 when they mature.

Don't even consider agreeing to this. It's not a fair deal

Definitely agree with the other comments, his counter offer makes no sense. I’d say if you want me to buy you out, we go 50/50 on your pensions too. Or stick to your original plan if you keep the house and he gets the pensions.

Let your solicitor make a recommendation- at least it will be viable

Pensions may not be shared equally. You are younger than him so he should have more than you at his age. Pensions can be split other than 50/50. A split based on need would see him with more than you.

Also £1 in a pension is worth less than £1 in a house. You have to wait years before you expect to access it and it gets taxed on receipt. It is always discounted.