Relocate after domestic abuse

[arabellacanella]

Hello all l,

This is my first time posting on here and looking for some support and advice please. I've been in an abusive relationship for almost 5 years. I was married when we met, had just come out of hospital and he was my mental health nurse so already an abuse of power. Throughout the relationship he was emotionally and physically abusive, controlling and scary. 6 weeks ago I finally called the police as he attacked me in front of our 2 year old daughter and scared the life out of my 11 year old from previous marriage. He was arrested and placed on bail. As soon as bail ended he came back and attacked me again. He was re arrested and currently on bail. Previously I didn't press charges as he is a nurse and I didn't want to ruin his career but now I am considering pressing charges although I know he will kicked off the nursing register.

Do you think this is fair given myself and children have been through?

I am a MARAC and been advised by the police to move area back home where my family are. I currently am isolated with only his family around and him. My IDVA is looking for a refuge close to home for us. My issue is that his family are going to obtain a prohibited steps order to stop the move. His Dad is a solicitor and his mum a health visitor so between the 3 of them I am f*cked. Given the circumstances do you think the courts will grant a prohibited steps order? If they do, under the circumstances eg having no home here by end of June, abuse, letter from police MARAC that I should move, do you think I could just go anyway and explain to the judge why I had to go? There is no way I can leave my 2 year old here with them.
I have family support where I am going, a school place for my 11 year old, my job is being transferred and hopefully I will have a refuge place soon. I don't know what to do about contact. At the moment his mother collects the 2 year old twice a week for a few hours. Since her birth, I have been the main care giver, he has changed the nappy a handful of times, never taken her out, never woke up in the night with her and everything else that comes with being a parent. She learnt to say the F word from hearing it from him and has witnessed him attacking me physically and verbally. Any support and guidance needed. Thank you for reading

Yes you leave. You tell them nothing at all . Don't tell them a thing.

Was there a merlin report from the police. And have social services contacted you.

Do not arrange for them to see your child.

How do they know about the move? Don not tell the grandparents anything.

The father would be the one who would have to apply, what jobs the grandparents hold is not relevant anyone can be abusive regardless of their profession.

As there is no order in place my advice would be get to a refuge ASAP. You will get support from them with regard to any legal applications.

Courts will or should take in to account the fact there is records of DV and MARAC involvement.

I'm assuming your not working? When you get to your new area register your 2 year old in a nursery claim the funding do NOT put his name down on the collection list put your family in tell them the full story get as many legal ties to the area as you can it reduces his ability to pull you back legally because "children are settled happy and thriving in the setting" are very powerful words on a report

Thank you both for replying, I appreciate it. They know as I was advised by a solicitor that I had a legal duty to tell them I am moving, so I did. There are currently no court orders in place either. Just me trying to be amicable and letting them see 2 year old. Social Services are involved and support a move. Not sure what a merlin report is but there was definitely a MARAC meeting and I have the supporting letter from them to move.

Thank you. I an working, I work from home and work have allowed me to continue working regardless of where I live in the country. They have been extremely supportive and I am very lucky. 2 year old currently attends the nursery for 15 hours. I have found a new nursery where I'd like to move and they have space for her to attend when we get there.

You do not have to tell him where you are. If your going to a refuge your not allowed to give the address out anyway.

Are you safe at the moment?

Reporting him is the way to make all of this much easier for yourself, OP, so yes, do. HE has put his job at risk. He shouldn't be working with vulnerable people Not that that's your responsibility. Your priority is your own safety and that of your children. He sounds dangerous. I really wish you all the best and hope you get as far away from him as possible.

You should definitely report his abuse, is there any way you could move now before they get the prohibited steps order and stay with family until you find somewhere?

Thank you everyone. I am still in our shared flat. He is on bail at his parents address. I am trying to do the right thing and not pull my 11 year old out from school she is already traumatised by all this. So I have agreed she can stay until the first week of July and then we will go. His bail conditions will still be in place then.

Don’t do this, an 11 year old doesn’t get to dictate a very adult scenario. Go asap and don’t tell anyone else you are going.

Your 11 year old will understand when older. They don’t know what's best at that age.

If you don’t press charges he will do this to the next patient he has. He absolutely shouldn’t be allowed near vulnerable women.

I can’t comment from a legal position, but please make sure your IDVA liaises with health/NHS regarding you and your children’s medical records, and if you go into a Refuge, the staff there liaise with local HV, GP, etc. Health Visitors have access to various systems. Yes, it would be a sackable offence for her to access these, but she could persuade someone else to/not care about this.

I'd go as soon as possible. I thought the police could press charges against him without your input if needed?