Civil Partnership then Marriage?

[Nam3chang384]

Me and my OH have been together for 15 years and have 3 kids. We were going to get married in 2020 but it got cancelled due to covid and as life has gotten increasingly busy we have not got round to it.

Our finances are becoming increasingly complicated and without going into unnecessary details, we would both be advised that we should be married to protect our interests and also to protect against a big IHT bill if one of us died.

My OH doesn't really want to have a small / quick wedding and I don't really want to get into organising a big wedding right now (we have a 6 month old and I have just gone back to work). He doesn't like the idea of getting married now in a registry office and having a 'wedding' sometime in the future when we have more time because he thinks that feels disingenuous. I suggested instead that we could register a civil partnership now and then get married in the future. I am aware that same sex couples can't convert their CP to a marriage so we would need to dissolve it in order to marry. Are there any drawbacks to dissolving a CP aside from the admin of doing it? Is this a terrible idea???

Dissolving it would come with the same requirement to agree a financial settlement and have it signed off (and all the associated costs) as ending a marriage. It’s an utterly bonkers idea to think about using civil partnership as a stop gap and then dissolve it to immediately get married just because you don’t like the idea of a registry office wedding. If it’s increasingly important for financial reasons then pick one, do it now, and have a big party to celebrate your first anniversary if you don’t want to arrange the big party now.

I don’t really get it.. you’ve three kids together and 15 years behind you but he doesn’t want a small or quick wedding ?? I get that viewpoint if he was a traditional man but he’s not is he?
I would just get married if you want to be married

And on a personal level it’s pretty duplicitous to your wedding guests. Attending a wedding is expensive for guests, with travel, accommodation, outfits, presents and possibly paying for childcare. But people attend because they acknowledge the importance of the commitment. I’d be pretty put out to find I’d put in a load of money and effort to attend a wedding which was just a showpiece for the couple to get their chance to receive cash and presents and have their “big day” and had purposely dissolved their existing perfectly fine legal civil partnership purely to have.

You could also marry, get divorced, and then get a civil partnership. It’s all really semantics at this point in time. Both give you the legal contract you need.

you are 3 children in already. You will always have bigger priorities than a big party. The contract is what really matters.

I don't see why you'd do this with a CP- you could just get married, get divorced, get married again with a party, maybe get divorced again and then get married again if you fancy another party...

Not being at all serious there. I just find it very annoying that someone would treat a CP as a sort of nothing- the whole point is that it's supposed to be a serious commitment, as serious as marriage, not a stop-gap because you want longer to choose the flowers. Just get married and have the party later, and tell your guests that that's what you are doing so that you don't mislead anyone. I don't see that entering into a CP in the knowledge that you're planning to dissolve it is any less disingenuous, to be honest.

If I was you I’d have a tiny civil ceremony right now and then commit to a big party with a celebrant led ceremony in a few years. Lots of people have to do the legal bit separately and you’d just be separating it a bit more! Went to a celebrant led ceremony recently and it was really wonderful - personal and meaningful

Does he want to get married?

I am aware that same sex couples can't convert their CP to a marriage so we would need to dissolve it in order to marry.

Same-sex couples CAN, but are you not an opposite-sex couple?

I agree with pp, do the practical bit now then have a set date for a celebration a year or so afterwards. Why not make it "marriage + 1 year"!

Isn’t this just essentially like getting married, getting divorced and then getting married again?! Seems bonkers. Not to mention expensive!!!

I suggest registry office now with two witnesses, then organise a “reaffirmation of vows” on the anniversary whenever you are ready for a big party and invite everyone to that.

@Pawtree you beat me to it😀😀

Sorry, yes, I mistyped!

That’s a nice idea

Yes but he wants to invite lots of people and he tends to be a bit ‘optimistic’ about how much organising things take (we’d probably do it at home with a marquee) . We have 3 kids (including a 6 month old), two holiday lets to run, I work full time (he’s on a sabbatical looking after the baby) and we’re in the process of buying a house which will be a massive project. It’s actually him who is more ‘at risk’ if we don’t get married as the house we’re buying will be in my name but he’ll be funding the renovation. I feel a bit uncomfortable him sinking a couple of hundred grand into a property he has no stake in if we’re not married which is why I’m keen to sort it out.

It seems my slightly harebrained scheme is being roundly rejected here though (and I do sort of see why) 😂

It’s not that I think a CP is less serious, just that it’s not a marriage. I take your point though.

I very much take on board everyone’s views and it seems unanimous that this is a terrible idea 😂 however, I won’t accept the assumption that our ‘big wedding’ would involve presents for requests for cash. We have enough stuff and enough money and we’ll accept neither from our guests when we get married. When I talk about a big wedding, I mean lots of people, I don’t mean a big do in an expensive venue. We’d have a marquee in the garden of one of our holiday lets, we’d provide all the food and the drink and lots of people would be given free accommodation.

Thanks everyone! So it seems the answer to my question “is this a terrible idea??” Is a resounding “yes” 😂

having read the replies I do see what you mean… thanks again