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What Should I Do?

11 replies

CheekyPombear · 23/05/2024 14:53

I have been married to someone 20 years older than me for almost 24 years now. im 44 in August.
He has always gone out to a pub every night since i have known him says he needs to to calm down because of the work he does long hours as a refrigeration engineer.
We never had any children he controlled this. He has two grown up kids from his first marriage.
He has never put me on the deeds and wont put my name on anything.
I am very depressed and have not worked for 18 years not because im lazy im not.
I havent seen my family properly in years. When my mum died 9 years ago he didnt even give me a hug. And the day she died he just went out for a drink as usual.
Every day he gets home from work eats then goes for a very long bath two hours or more with his phone. Gets dressed goes to pub comes home after midnight. im also sure he is taking something.
He told me if i try to divorce him he will put the house in his youngest brothers name and say he was paying him rent to live in it.
Also said he would have me and my family harmed if i did try to take any money if we did divorce.
He is very overweight and lost his front teeth a few years ago.
His family including his kids do not like me even though i have done nothing wrong to them.
What can i do?.
i feel really ill and dont want to live.

OP posts:
DeeplyMovingExperience · 23/05/2024 14:58

Please contact Women's Aid today.

You are in an abusive marriage. It doesn't matter about your name being on the deeds. You are entitled to 50% of the marital assets.

You need support and advice about leaving your marriage and staying safe.

Do not talk to your DH about leaving or about divorce until you have a full plan in place.

Please reach out to all the agencies who can advise and support you.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

I need help - information and support on domestic abuse

Not sure if you're experiencing abuse? Worried about someone else? If you or a friend need help, we are here. Learn more about our information and support.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

CleanShirt · 23/05/2024 14:58

You leave. The house is a martial asset. Get yourself some legal advice and get away from this hellish man.

CheekyPombear · 23/05/2024 15:04

DeeplyMovingExperience · 23/05/2024 14:58

Please contact Women's Aid today.

You are in an abusive marriage. It doesn't matter about your name being on the deeds. You are entitled to 50% of the marital assets.

You need support and advice about leaving your marriage and staying safe.

Do not talk to your DH about leaving or about divorce until you have a full plan in place.

Please reach out to all the agencies who can advise and support you.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Should i report it to the police?.
He has said if i try to get money if we split he will harm me and my family.

OP posts:
DeeplyMovingExperience · 23/05/2024 15:08

If he has made direct threats to you then yes, contact your local police. They will have a department that is trained in matters of domestic abuse and threats of violence.

If you are planning on leaving, do make sure that you have all your essential paperwork (things like passports, birth and marriage certificates, and information about bank accounts etc).

PoppingTomorrow · 23/05/2024 15:11

Excellent advice from @DeeplyMovingExperience

Bromptotoo · 23/05/2024 15:27

As others have said this has all the hallmarks of an abusive marriage.

Get advice now!!

needsomeadvice22 · 23/05/2024 15:54

Leave, go to womens aid.

Needanadultgapyear · 24/05/2024 06:30

Quietly get everything together, paperwork, evidence of backaches etc, get legal advice so a charge can be put on the house registering your marital rights and rave at the same tome as the charge is applied.
You will make a new life and you will be happier.

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 24/05/2024 07:16

Look into having a notice of interest placed on the land registry for your home, you are married so should be able to provide your marriage certificate of evidence of your right to that but speaking to a legal professional would be a good idea.

CleanShirt · 24/05/2024 07:30

CheekyPombear · 23/05/2024 15:04

Should i report it to the police?.
He has said if i try to get money if we split he will harm me and my family.

Police 100%. What a horrible bastard.

AgreeableDragon · 24/05/2024 11:10

OP this is awful. I'm so sorry you have been living like this.
You are still young and can move on. There is hope, really there is.
As already said, talk to Women's Aid. They are best placed to adv you on when to go to the police, when to move out etc. Speak to them and take their advice.
The most important thing is to keep yourself safe while you extract yourself from this abusive situation.

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