Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Finacial abuse?

17 replies

Nicky566 · 21/05/2024 03:35

I am new to the process of divorce here in the UK.
Currently I earn £600-£800 a month, my husband earns £2700 per month. I do not earn as much as I look after our two young children, financially it made sense to support his job. The cost of childcare would be the same as what I currently earn, there would be hardly any profit in paying for it.
Our joint disposable income after bills is £1600-£1800 a month. Now we are divorcing he will only agree to give me an allowance of £300, keeping the rest for himself. I feel this is unfair, as I am looking after the children to support his job. It is not that I am lazy and just not working.
Please can anyone advise? I contribute to the bills. It's making me feel vulnerable and resentful.

Thank you

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 21/05/2024 06:51

Get a solicitor

DustyLee123 · 21/05/2024 06:52

Also contact CMS, and get any child benefit paid into your own account ( don’t ask him, just do it)

thanKyouaIMee · 21/05/2024 07:10

Go back to work full time and make childcare a bill that you split 50/50.

Loopylambs · 21/05/2024 07:17

Get a solicitor, you may be able to stay in the house, will be entitled to UC and the amount of maintenance he pays will be agreed.

EasterRose24 · 21/05/2024 12:16

Agree with others, you need legal advice.
You could start by contacting your local Citizens Advice, they can advise you further and might have details of a local solicitor who offers a first free appointment.

Original poster
Nicky566 · 21/05/2024 12:20

The problem is, what we would spend on childcare is basically the same as what I would earn. So essentially they negate each other.
Thank you so much for all replying though!

OP posts:
EasterRose24 · 21/05/2024 12:22

Nicky566 · 21/05/2024 12:20

The problem is, what we would spend on childcare is basically the same as what I would earn. So essentially they negate each other.
Thank you so much for all replying though!

For now, concentrate on getting professional advice rather than worry about working more hours

mrsbyers · 21/05/2024 12:23

Nicky566 · 21/05/2024 12:20

The problem is, what we would spend on childcare is basically the same as what I would earn. So essentially they negate each other.
Thank you so much for all replying though!

There is no we if you divorce , you need to start looking at your income and outgoings as a single parent and going back to work full time and splitting childcare costs is a good option

wast542 · 21/05/2024 12:25

Why would you support his job now you are divorcing? Go back to work full time then split the cost of the childcare

wast542 · 21/05/2024 12:26

Nicky566 · 21/05/2024 12:20

The problem is, what we would spend on childcare is basically the same as what I would earn. So essentially they negate each other.
Thank you so much for all replying though!

That's only in h the short term though. What will you do when you still earn low wages in the future. You need to look after yourself and your future and your pension etc.

JJathome · 21/05/2024 12:32

On divorce it is likely to just be child maintenance, check the calculator on line but as he’s not a high earner that would seem about right.

im sorry but once you split you’re not entitled to his money. Likely child maintenance unless he has them 50 percent. Depending on age you can likely get free hours. How old are they?

you will be expected to work by the judge and also the goverment when you claim benefits.

Ponderingwindow · 21/05/2024 12:36

Nicky566 · 21/05/2024 12:20

The problem is, what we would spend on childcare is basically the same as what I would earn. So essentially they negate each other.
Thank you so much for all replying though!

If you are divorcing, that equation no longer works. You can not look at the net household gain of a parent working or not working. There is no larger household anymore. There is only you.

you need a job, you need a solicitor, and you need to apply for every benefit you are entitled.

When discussing custody, you should keep the cost of childcare in mind. You also can’t subsidize his career anymore. If he has a parenting day, it needs to be 100% his day and leave you free to work.

JJathome · 21/05/2024 12:40

And it’s not financial abuse op. You’re to all intents and purposes single, you need to provide for you the whole time and your kids for half the time, he doesn’t need to provide a penny to you, onky child maintenance if it’s due, and you are no longer looking after the kids to support his job. And as a pp said there is no more we when it comes to childcare. You’re seperated. You’re now individuals.

judges like clean breaks now, you need to get on line and start claiming benefits, and looking for jobs and child care.

LemonTT · 21/05/2024 14:28

Let’s assume you have split up. He earns 2700 and depending on the time you both have taking care of the children he is obliged to pay child support. £300 sounds ok, but you may be entitled to a bit more.

If you are separated you can claim benefits even if not working. This will bolster your income. claim UC.

If he is taking 50% responsibility for the children then child support won’t be payable but he will need to fund 50% of their costs including childcare. But you can then go back to work.

Bub1765 · 23/05/2024 21:11

Loopylambs · 21/05/2024 07:17

Get a solicitor, you may be able to stay in the house, will be entitled to UC and the amount of maintenance he pays will be agreed.

Unlikely.

CMS and house sold more likely (plus claim UC and CB) but only a solicitor will be able to give decent advice based on all the facts.

Bub1765 · 23/05/2024 23:29

Nicky566 · 21/05/2024 12:20

The problem is, what we would spend on childcare is basically the same as what I would earn. So essentially they negate each other.
Thank you so much for all replying though!

If you're only earning £800 a month and have two children you will be eligible for UC. This also means you are eligible for 85% of childcare costs to be covered by UC as long as it is with an approved provider.

So you can probably earn a fair bit more before you lose this benefit altogether.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page