Does this amount to sexual harassment and discrimination? Really need advice before Monday

[Marianus]

I am a mature student nurse at university.

There is a fellow student whose comments have made the environment uncomfortable for me. I am reporting it to the university but they've not been particularly proactive and I need to know where I stand from a legal point of view before I speak to them on Monday.

I have told them that a fellow student has made unsolicited sexual comments and discriminatory comments that have made me uncomfortable but I have not yet told them exactly what this person has said. They said they would send me an appointment to come in and discuss but then I heard nothing since.

Just as a bit of background and context, I have bipolar disorder.

I can't remember what precipitated this comment but they were completely unsolicited. I wasn't even in a conversation with him but he was sitting behind me. He leaned forward and told me and a male student that when he masturbated he watched himself in the mirror.

A second comment happened when we were carrying out group work. Again, completely unsolicited he told the group that he was attracted to a lecturer and said he would give her " a good pounding "

The 3rd comment took place in a lecture. He said that "people are getting diagnosed with bipolar because it is fashionable". As a person with bipolar disorder, this comment was really upsetting to me. It is made even worse because he is a mental health student nurse.

I know some people might just shake these comments off but they have made me feel so uncomfortable that I have become quite anxious.

The added complication is that he has autism.

Where do I stand from a legal perspective in terms of what I should expect from university?

Yes it’s inappropriate. Report it and take it from there. He may get a warning at first - I don’t know.

You had me convinced at the first comment. Totally disgusting. Sorry you're going through this.

@Marianus I think you posted about this a few weeks ago. Well done for taking it further with the university. When I was dealing with an issue about unwanted comments by a colleague, made in front of other people, the HR team told me that sexual harassment is attention of a sexual nature that is unwanted. So it probably is harassment, but not discrimination. However, the perpetrator needs to know the comments are unwanted.

The university's role is to support you in deciding how to make it clear that they are unwanted. To prepare, you might want to think about what a successful outcome would be for you eg a representative of the university speaks to him about the remarks and tells him he needs to stop. They may want to talk to other students to build up the evidence, so be prepared to give them the names of other people who were there.

Thank you for the replies.

I did post about this a few weeks ago asking if I should report to university. For some unknown reason I have found this really difficult but I am glad I have done it now. The whole thing has caused me so much anxiety and I'm worried about the come back.

I'm also worried about bringing other students into it, although there were a number of witnesses to all three comments.

It shouldn't be so difficult should it, but the truth is a feel really scared. He has already told us that his ex has a restraining order out against him and this makes me extra scared of the repercussions.

Thanks everyone for the support, I really appreciate it.

Definitely tell them what he told you about his ex too.

The university has a general duty of care for you, but additionally for a nursing course they should be convinced that he is fit to practice, which seems very questionable to me!

@Marianus he sounds like an unlikely nurse from your description. I wonder why he told you about the restraining order. I think you should pass this on too as he poses a potential risk to patient safety. I understand why you may be worried about bringing other students into the conversation but I am sure they will want to help and be glad you are taking action. You could request that you speak to them before they are approached by the University.

He will make a terrible nurse. I'm not even sure how he managed to get accepted onto the degree.

If I had met a mental health nurse like him when I was really ill it would have had devastating affect on me.

I am going to write everything down so that I don't forget anything when I talk to uni.

Its just such a nightmare, it has left me seriously considering leaving the course if uni don't take action because I don't know how I am supposed to face him after making a complaint.

@Marianus please don't leave the course. The uni will take action because not to do so could have a detrimental impact on their reputation. He will not know you have made a complaint against him. You have told us yourself that he has made the comments in front of multiple students.

I have had a long think about it and I won’t leave my degree. You’re right that he won’t necessarily know it was me.

I worked so hard to get on this course. I had to do an access course and maths and English functional skills.

I’ve felt really anxious about it for the past few weeks but today I’ve started to feel angry. I’m not going to let a man like him ruin my plans. Uni need to take it seriously and take action.

Can you imagine a man like that becoming a mental health nurse!

@Marianus in these circumstances, anger is good! I'm angry on your behalf because women still have to waste time and energy dealing with the dysfunctional behaviour of men when there are so many more interesting things to do.

Exactly. I can’t believe we still have to deal with this crap. I am even more angry today!

I’m feeling a bit stronger and less scared today and I’m going to go in all guns blazing.

Just to add , are there any particular laws that cover this in terms of universities legal responsibilities?

I want to go in with as much information as possible

Glad you are feeling less scared @Marianus

The university will have its own policies and procedures about this sort of thing. At a minimum, they should be following their own policies. As an example, here is the University of Manchester's info https://www.studentsupport.manchester.ac.uk/advice-and-response/

Hi OP, your student contract will specify your rights. Be prepared for the university to underplay the seriousness of this but you should be able to google their policies and complaints procedure.

I’ve printed out their policies about deal with sexual misconduct and I’ll take them with me when I meet with them.

Good luck OP. There will (or should) be a team whose remit is non-academic misconduct. They will deal with cases like yours (and, sadly more serious in the sense of violent assaults and similar). Please do pursue this with them.

I would also add that you should be clear about your concerns about come back, that you were very anxious about coming forward (particularly in the context of what you know about a restraining order) and would like to understand how they intend to proceed in a way that protects you. Hopefully their response will give you some reassurance.

I had a meeting at university this afternoon with the programme lead and a senior lecturer.

It honestly couldn’t have gone any better. They made it very easy to take about my concerns and they took them very seriously. They are both women and agreed with me that such misogynistic, inappropriate attitudes have no place in university and certainly not within the nursing profession.

I left the meeting feeling confident that they will take action.

I just have to write a statement and they will take it from there.

That’s excellent news OP. Well done.

Massive well done to you. Things like this are never easy. Thank you too for considering all the potential future patients that he may have impacted.

They also said that if he says anything to me about it they would class that as harassment and take further action.

Thank you for all the support. It has been a huge help x

Well done OP, that's great and takes guts 💐

@Marianus I'm so pleased that your meeting went well and that you feel positive about it.

I have confirmation from uni today that they have opened a formal investigation.

My anxiety is so bad I haven’t attended my nursing placement. It is a requirement of my degree and I am really worried I will be removed from the programme.

Does anyone know if they would be legally required to take into account the circumstances around my absence? It feels really unfair that I might be penalised because of this man’s behaviour.

Go and talk to your tutor to explain the reason for your absence. They can help you understand what to do.