Dv relationship and harassment

[Mamabird2022]

LONG POST
I was in a DV relationship with my ex and we have a child (18m) there has only been one physical alteration but it has predominately been mental and emotional abuse. We separated September last year and agreed a visitation schedule between us.
He was regularly late or changed things at a drop of a hat and when he couldn’t get his own way would threaten social and solicitors and court in an attempt to intimidate me to back down. He then wanted to try again and I stupidly took him back saying he had changed and wanted to be better for our child.
For three weeks it was great but then it went back to checking my phone and starting arguments over little things that I had spoken to my friends about. He also tried to stop me and our child going on a trip to see my family.

When I came back from my family visit he waited for the baby to go to sleep before starting an argument because I refused to sleep in bed with him and our child and slept in her bed which was in my room. He was calling me names like “slut and whore” and told me to kill myself. When our child woke up he shouted at her and dropped her on me because she wouldn’t go back to sleep.
This went on for almost an hour. He had taken my phone so I couldn’t call the police. (I did contact the police when he left)

Fast forward to now (this was a few weeks ago) he had contacted abuse services saying I had abused him, he has contacted my housing association, he has called me and text me saying he wants to see his child and then saying he doesn’t want anything to do with us. He has called the police in my parents borough to say I had “illegally” taken his child without his consent. Contacted social services and then today a message from mediation services.
All services have contacted me and it turned out he hasn’t told them the full story. I now have a solicitor and we are applying to the court for a residency order as he has threatened previous to take her and run.
Social and police have both told me that I’m safeguarding us both by not letting him have contact until court but solicitor said I have to offer some visitation with the residency order (supervised). Is there anything I can do about the harassment and does he have to have contact with her if he has caused her mental distress?

Hi OP hope you are coping okay because this sounds awful. ( worked in DV services for twenty some years.)

He sounds quite dangerous. You do not need to facilitate contact unless, or until the court decides that. Especially since the police and social services are supporting your position.

You say your solicitor is suggesting that when you ask the court that the child lives with you, that within that request your solicitor is saying that you should, also propose supervised contact.

You also seem to say that there is ongoing harassment, but do not describe it.

Am assuming i am correct in what I understand.

So i think your solicitor should also be applying for a non molestation order, which prohibits him bothering you, and a prohibitive steps order, which stops him kidnapping your child.

And furthermore asking that the court requires that he is assessed for his suitability for any contact.

I do not know the detail of your case but on face value, i would say you should change your solicitor for a DV expert.

@Karensalright hi, thank you for replying back. Yeah so within three weeks he has text me saying he will not contact me again and to do whatever I feel is right for our child. He has also called me from multiple other mobile numbers and turned up at my home and my local church thinking I would be at the service (has never attended church with us) all which has been reported to the police but say their hands are tied because the abuse has been mental and it’s hard to prove. Then he called my council about the tenancy which the council contacted me about. Then he called social services and said I had been having different men to the house around our child which is completely not true. Once social called him he then contacted the police to say I had illegally taken her which then I spent an hour on the phone with them and then tonight had a voicemail from a mediation company asking me to contact the office to organise an appointment with them in regards to visitation. Then another message today asking if he can see his daughter one last time for an afternoon and then he won’t bother us again. This is all within three weeks.
my solicitor said that the judges like to see some sort of contact with a residency order which may be in a contact centre and that if he continues to harass me then she will apply for an non mol order. I’m just confused because he was shouting and swearing at her and she’s not even 2 yet this is the second incident she has witnessed and when he is not around the change in her is massive

Hello again, sorry did not reply earlier.

Your post is very tumbled if you know what i mean.

I would really urge you to look up on google for the most local Women’s Aid service to you and talk to them because my sense is there is more to what is going on for you, than what you are saying here, which is totally understandable.

Mental abuse is called coercive control. It sounds like he is trying to use your child to get to you.

Which is common abusive behaviour.

Just try and ignore him, block his number, and seek independent support via Women’s Aid.

It is going to be hard for you, stick to your guns.