To marry or not

[UnmarriedMum]

Hi.

As the title suggests I'm unsure whether to get married yet or not. I have a 7 month old with my partner, and we live together.

I'm trying to understand all the benefits to being married versus what I can put in place.

Current situation:

I'm a SAHM, I have my own money/finances
My partner owns the house we live in (mortgage and all bills are in his name and he pays all of them)
We both have parental responsibility as both on the birth certificate
I'm named as the inheritor on partners workplace pension

So my question is what benefits if any do I get for marrying my partner?

The property is something I have no interest in - not inheriting it would not be a problem (would be preferable)
We maintain separate finances
I haven't neglected my career as I've been retraining and qualify this September into a job role straight away
We don't have any shared assets (own cars etc)
Baby has own bank account which we both pay in to

So can someone explain in simple terms whether I would benefit from the legal protections of marriage?

If you split up, do you have alternative accommodation, or enough finance to provide accommodation for yourself?

@Littlefish

Yes. I would move in with my parents short term (as previously agreed) and I have a small nest egg with which I could either rent or buy with depending of course on my mortgage affordability.

I have no concerns regarding somewhere to live.

Inheritance tax

@bakewellbride

Hmm. I don't see this worth being married that's for sure. I don't stand to inherit vast sums should anything happen. Bar the pension there is ideally nothing to inherit. I suppose if we were older and the amount was over £300,000 I'd be more concerned.

I really don't understand inheritance tax however. So I could be completely misunderstanding it.

With inheriting his pension, it's not really secure if you're not married. The details could be changed in an instant whereas with marriage stuff like that is more secure.

You're also not in ideal territory if you're a sahm but unmarried and house etc in his name.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5033291-is-marriage-necessary-in-our-case

Quite a few comments here discussing the practicalities.

It has implications like not being each other's next of kin as well and you should have wills.

^I'm a SAHM, I have my own money/finances
My partner owns the house we live in (mortgage and all bills are in his name and he pays all of them)^

You are in a precarious situation.

He could get his head turned in the office or anywhere else.

Would he do the right thing by you?

Could you cope on your own? Of course you will. I did it. So can you.

@bakewellbride

Thank you. It's interesting to consider. I suppose I'm not so worried financially, but important to know that the details regarding his pension could change.

Again with the house I'm not worried as I don't want it, and have sufficient means otherwise. However it does help as I should really know what would happen to the property if something did happen and it's not something I considered prior to our baby being born.

@sakura06

Thank you. We do have wills in place, got them set up after baby was born.

Unfortunately unmarried women have far fewer rights than married ones. Inheritance tax. Getting your fair share if you were to divorce. Financially it makes sense to be married

@MariaLuna

I have no concerns regarding his head being turned, but should it happen I'm prepared.

As I say, whilst I live with him, I do have a nest egg should anything happen. Financially I can afford it should we break up.

I suppose I'm looking for reasons legally as to why we should get married. We're both happy in the situation we're in, and want to get married but I would like to wait a few years until baby is older and I have grown my career a little. Seeing that there are a few legal things to consider but mostly it's financial I have no concerns waiting.

@UnmarriedMum

Sounds like you have your stuff together. Good for you.

My DC is 32 now, going on 33. Did it all alone after 6 months.

No matter what happens, it always works out.

Blessings.

all the benefits to being married versus what I can put in place.

Two key benefits of marriage for the financially weaker (or financially impacted by motherhood and childcare) partner are

Wills and everything else put in place can be turned up and replaced at the whim of that person. Not so marriage.

This is a benefit to the financially weather but not to the financially stronger partner.

No tax on transfers between spouses so no inheritance tax to pay on death of first partner. Double the allowances available as assets can be transferred between the partners.

NOK stuff. If he had a stroke tomorrow (God forbid) who would have the say in what happened medically?

@FinallyHere

Thank you! That's very useful to consider regarding wills and that they can change. I know both our wills are geared towards our child inheriting. I would hope neither of us would change that. I don't suppose marriage would change that either.

I know it's terrible but I can't wrap my head around inheritance tax! (Not fiscally minded). If anything happened to either of us the intention is all money/assets etc go to our child (and if under 18 will be held in a trust)

I'm not sure how inheritance tax affects that ... not sure I'll ever understand it embarrassingly.

@Dacadactyl

Thankfully we have meetings to set up Lasting Power for Health and Welfare so that should cover the NOK.

It seems like we have all the legal protections in place that we can without getting married which is reassuring.

Now just to make sure everything really is going to baby!

I don't know why you've asked to be honest. If you're happy as you are: crack on.

Just ensure that the financial hit of having the baby is fully shared equally. Childcare costs, days off for baby appointments, sickness etc should all be 50/50.

You sound quite naive.

@OhamIreally

I ask because I have seen/heard several people suggest that unless you're married then having a child is a huge mistake etc. I wanted to see if there were any other things I'd missed that meant I and my child weren't protected.

Thankfully I don't have to pay childcare yet, but when we do my partner is paying for that, and we are pretty 50/50 for most other things where appropriate.

I'm not sure how or why I sound naive. I was merely asking if I have any benefit doing a legal service now if it protects us more. Since we have separate finances etc it doesn't seem to offer much additional safety.

No need to call me naive for that.

If you split for any reason, he can change who gets his workplace pension instantly. If you split, your need to house yourself and a child long term will make you a lot more interested in half of any equity in the house, regardless of whether you can stay with your parents short term. You are legally protected for the long term if married, not if just cohabiting.

At the moment, you don't believe you will split. Most people don't. They also put off getting married because it doesn't seem important until the day it is.

All the planning has to be for the worst case happening, not the sunshine and roses version.

@ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie

If those are the reasons for the legal part then I'm happy to wait. I don't need half of any equity, as I will be an able to buy elsewhere if necessary. Additionally the work place pension would be nice should something happen, but isn't essential. I have financially prepared for the worst case scenario.

I was assuming there were additional concerns but they all appear to be financial (bar next of kin) and since we have plans for the LPA that should do the job.

Since I have no financial concerns should we split then I'm happy to wait to get married.

I brought a house for £34K if I staying living in that property it would now be worth £180K

A nest egg of £34K would not buy me a £180K house.

If you don’t want to be married and don’t want the house you need to consider buying a rental.

If the property is left to his parents or the dogs home, you will have weeks no move out - if you were married you can take your time.

He could also ask you to leave at any point and you won’t have any say in the matter.

As you are not next of kin you have no say in his care or funeral.

If you want equal amounts and share childcare getting married gives you stability.

“I'm named as the inheritor on partners workplace pension”

And this does not mean they will pay you anything, sadly. People fill these forms in, in good faith as your dp has, and they think that they have covered it. My mum’s dp has just died. She had been named on his pension documents for the past 25 years. Since she is not a spouse, they are now saying she either gets a lesser dependent’s pension or nothing at all. It’s been over 3 months since he died and they haven’t paid her a penny and they might never - they haven’t reached a decision. He had another smaller pension from a previous job and they have said unmarried = get nothing. All these schemes have different rules from different times etc etc.

if one of you dies, unmarried, in a lot of dealings, the unmarried spouse is literally considered to be “nobody”. At the hospital when he was dying, since I had PoA, decisions were all down to me - my mum’s opinion and feelings were irrelevant.

be very careful. People think being unmarried is just the same as being married. My mum has found out the hard way that it absolutely isn’t. The solicitor helping us with mum’s dp’s death said she always recommends marriage.

I can’t really think of any more stuff. But there is so much more to marriage than people think and there are unexpected occasions where it bites you in the ass.

@Scarletttulips

Whilst I appreciate the sentiment, I have no financial concerns. Plus, I don't feel I want the additional work of owning a rental, and like knowing that the finances I have a secure and ready should I need them.

Again no concerns re the property and should I have to leave I would buy elsewhere.

Either of our funerals our covered within our wills and health-wise, I believe LPA would allow us to make health decisions where necessary.

Again it all seems to be focused on financial, so from what I can read in the responses I would not benefit from doing a quick legal ceremony now as I won't gain anything that I need per se.

If you know you don’t want to get married & convinced yourself it’s not financially worth it regardless of others opinion. Why ask the question? Lol