Husbands ex

[ozzie33]

Hi everyone I'm hoping someone has been through similar and can give a bit of advice, my husbands ex is being very nasty towards me and has been telling their kids not to speak to me( they do obviously when we have them but if they give me a kiss and hug and day love you then follow it with "shhh don't tell mummy" if you ask why they say cos she will get mad, they arent allowed to say my name in their house or tell her anything we do"days out ect" she has also started to dem what times he collects them and drops them off( she will not drop off,pick up or even meet half way) she makes him either go to hers or her new boyfriends house for them but refuses to come here, he works 7 days then has 4 off and on his days off we have them, she says he has to collect them at 8 am and do school drop off and then they arent to go back till 6 pm on the Monday evening(if it falls on a weekend or a Thursday if it's through the week) she doesn't work Fridays but still he has to collect them early morning, he pays maintenance but she's just taken him to child maintenance expecting more but has been told its less (so obviously that hasn't gone down well) she's also decided she's taking him to court to have it put in writing that he HAS to have them at these times and days ect do my question is can she do this?? He's done nothing wrong apart from asking her to meet half way or drop off/pick up sometimes and if he can do school drop off on the last day and she collects them bit she point blank refuses :/

Let her take him to Court, I doubt it will help with drop off and collection, but he certainly does his share of parenting. Normally it’s every other weekend and one night mid week, so he’s covered there. When he tells Court his working set up, you would expect the Court will say current arrangements are fine and she’s going to have to pay Court fees.

Thanks for your reply, yes he has them more than most do, he doesn't get a day off to himself and he's now shredding about a court order changing him seeing them or agreeing with her demands

Why is she the ex? What did he do?

@SwordToFlamethrower
Why the assumption he's at fault? plenty of women are at fault for marriages ending and often the come to a natural end.
Horrible comment.

Eh? Bit of a reach.

They just weren't happy, always arguing around the kids, she didn't want him going out apart from to work his job was to look after the kids while she did her sports n went out with mates and he just couldn't take anymore, he lost all his mates cos she didn't like them, it was a bit controlling and he just fell out of love with her

Keep a note of everything she says and does. Make sure he communicates with her only via electronic means so that you have a record. Take all this to the hearing once she files, and if they are empty threats to file I think you should. Its all
about control.

That’s just what he has told you

Well I'd she behaved anything like this when they were still together, I'm not surprised it didn't last! Good for him

And no, she definitely 100% can't force your partner to have the kids at set times.

Even if the court did grant a child arrangements order, with that split mum would be the resident parent and dad would be non-resident parent. How the courts write the orders in such cases is along the lines of "the mother must make the children available to spend time with father between days X and Y". The crucial thing to note here is that the onus is on the mother to make the children available, and if she doesn't, she's breaking the order. If the dad doesn't come and pick the kids at that time, he's not breaking the order, as it's not him who has been ordered to do something. So he will not be bound to do anything.

So don't stress. If it does go to court I recommend getting some help from a McKenzie friend (call few and check their level of experience), and join families need fathers forum, plenty of advice there.

In general don't waste your time on playing games with her, try and go grey rock with her. She's toxic and will do anything to mess up with you and your husband, the kids are just pawns to her. You need boundaries!

No that isn't just what he's told me at all we we've been friends for years so ive seen it happening!!
Thank you to the others for the advice we have changed fridays times from 8am to 3 pm so both kids are collected at school times since it's her day off, she isn't happy about it as she wants to be off doing stuff but as far as I'm concerned he is entitled to a day off too, she's going down the court route now so we will have to see how it pans out u suppose

Good - stand your ground. When it comes to people like her, they'll take as much as you let them - and then some. It doesn't matter how much you try to please and appease, they'll constantly push the goalposts and test your boundaries, nothing is ever good enough. If you give her a little finger, next she'll come grabbing for your kidneys. No joke.

Courts are not fun, let me tell you, but don't let that put you off. I don't regret being in court with my stepchilden's mother. We may have not got all we want, and it may have been difficult and stressful, but going through the process has ensured that we can live peacefully ever after, and she can't mess us about. The only way to keep a narcissist at bay is to have a judge impose some rules on their behaviour.

While you wait for court papers to arrive, communicate with her only in writing. Ensure you don't write anything that you wouldn't want a judge to see, and all decisions you make always justify from the perspective of the children and why it's best for them. Don't get sucked into tit for tat if she tries to start an argument.

My best advise - read about grey rock / yellow rock methods; read Say Goodbye to Crazy; and join families need fathers.

Best of luck!

@Pearlyb thank you so much! I'm hoping once it's all over we can just carry on with our lived in peace