Threatened with the Ministry of Defence and the House of Commons amongst others, what do I do

[BillieTheFish]

I write on women's issues related to history and planned a blog and podcast based on how communication in teenage romantic relationships has changed over the decades. I came into some letters recently from 50 years ago between a girl and her boyfriend but she had another boyfriend in the background who was away in the army. They were all 17 years old. I wanted to use some of the information but heavily disguised and no direct quotes and no identifying features. I contacted the parties to see if they would agree to this before I went ahead and gave my contact details.

The man who was in the army called me tonight and has threatened me with contacting my employer (this has nothing to do with my work, I write as a sideline) and said that he now has to go through all these official channels, that I have caused him untold stress and to his family too, and went on to tell me details about his army career and his life, that he will be taking legal advice and contacting all these agencies. I told him there was no intention to cause distress, but that I was seeking permission as I do with research. He went on to say I had no idea what his life was like and how much worry and anxiety this has caused his whole family, I've upset his wife, his daughter and other family members.

He is easily found online, which is what I did. I simply Googled him and contacted him through his email at his current workplace that is out there in cyberspace. He has a Wikipedia entry so he isn't under an assumed name. The name is the same as was written in these letters.

I told him I had no intention now of going ahead with this project and would be happy to confirm this with any of the agencies he mentioned. Reading between the lines, he seems to have suffered PTSD but I had no idea of any of this.

I have contacted the police, just to get this on record. I don't think he will harass me or anything like that, more it's that I seem to have dragged up issues that had nothing to do with the reason I called him. Perhaps he thinks I am not who I say I am.

Long saga but frankly I am terrified now.

You don't need to be. You asked what sounds from your description like a reasonable question and say you intend to listen to his answer. I work in an area where sometimes people issue threats like this. It very rarely comes to anything, especially when people threaten lawyers. All they are letting themselves in for is a large bill.

If it helps to have a case in point, a friend of ours recently had someone pay a lawyer to write what amounted to a cease and desist letter about some reasonable inquiries and demanding she write back to them abandoning her plans by x date. She didn't reply, and nothing came of it except that the police were involved and very helpful in intervening when in that case it became helpful for them to. She didn't hear from him again.

Thank you @JennyForeigner - I think there is more to this chap than meets the eye and he has some problems that I had no idea of. He is obviously terrified of something (he told me he had to move around several times - but why keep your name and state your past career online in that case?)

Also, the man is on Facebook, with his name, freely talking about his wedding anniversary and posting a picture of him with his wife at their anniversary party, talking about his children and grandchildren. I can't see what crime I have committed here. If anyone was after him, they could easily google him the way I did to ask him a simple question!

On the information you have posted you have not committed any crime. Threatening you with the MoD is bonkers, and threatening you with the House of Commons is unhinged. Ignore him.

Did he marry the 17-year-old girlfriend? Is it because you've uncovered infidelity early on in their relationship?

Am fascinated by your blog! How did you get hold of the letters?
You won't be in any kind of trouble, don't worry.

@JamesPringle No, the girlfriend married the other man but he recently died and his widow gave them to me. It's a fascinating slice of social history. Was anyway as I have now shredded them. The Army man met and married someone else 45 years ago and they haven't seen one another since 1977. There was no infidelity on army man's part, it was his fiancee who met someone else when he was away and she was bored on her own. I could have simply gone ahead and done this and changed names and left out identifying details which is what I would have done anyway and he would never have known. He was going on about what would happen if this popped up in the media. I found an online document written by this man which clearly details his entire career, so I would be exposing absolutely nothing. In the conversation yesterday he volunteered lots of irrelevant personal detail about his life that I am not interested in, do not need or want to know and was shocked he told me, actually.

Knowing of his career (which I found out about online in public documents) I was quite alarmed that someone who seemed as emotionally unsettled as he did in the phone call I had with him is holding such a post.

No, the girlfriend married the other man but he recently died and his widow gave them to me so the widow is the also-girlfriend of the army guy?

No sorry it is his second wife. He split from the first wife.

Ah so they're not actually her letters at all? Not written to or by her? I don't think she should be giving these out then.

I wonder if he served in NI and the gf was Irish or something, something about the relationship was perhaps not allowed by someone. Or he served in NI and has previously been questioned by police about his service there.

Her late husband wrote them. She inherited them. They are hers.

What a shame you've shredded them on the say so of someone somewhat unhinged

How can he have the letters he wrote and sent? Unless they were given back to him? Isn't they'll be the letters the other woman wrote to him? Am now confused as to why army man's upset, as why would letters from his ex to another man centre on him?

He hasn't got the letters. They were not from or to him, they were from his girlfriend to her other boyfriend. I had them, and I have now shredded them.

For ease of reference, Jane was engaged to John (army guy) and she couldn't cope with being on her own so started a relationship with Andy whilst John was away. The letters were from Jane to Andy but mentioning she was already engaged to John. She chose Andy and married him 47 years ago. Jane and Andy divorced after 20 years and Andy subsequently married Alison. Andy recently died and Alison gave me the letters.

The letters were Andy's, and then became Alison's after his death.

Names entirely fabricated for anonymity.

Why did you waste police time on this?

Because a man she doesn't know is threatening her, although she's done nothing wrong. She said she wanted his threats on record. Seems very sensible to me.
OP talks to man about research. Man freaks out. OP says ok no need to freak out I won't research this if it's going to upset you. OP shreds letters. OP reports threats/freak out to police just in case anything further transpires.

Exactly, thank you.

Pleasure.
I think it's a bit of a shame you caved in to him and shredded them though. Writers do get flak for writing about people other people have known, but there aren't any people who no-one has known unless you write purely historical long ago stuff and even fiction has elements of life so you have to regard things as your own material at some point. (I write.) I would have kept them and kept my powder dry for a bit. I totally understand why you did though. I wonder what he's so scared of?

He can report you to the Pope and the UN Security Council, if he wants. As you have not done anything wrong, it will make no difference.

Do not worry about these threats. However, I agree with PPs that he sounds unhinged, so you were right to report to the police.

Ha ha! I have a friend who is a military wife and I have arranged a Facetime with her tonight to see what she has to say about it, too. I also spoke to a solicitor friend briefly and she says he's being ridiculous and I have nothing to worry about too. I emailed my line manager who is currently on leave but she will see the message on Monday, in case he contacts my work. I'm just getting ammo in my arsenal (no pun intended) in case he comes back at me.

Why? He sounds stupid. I can tell anyone I’m reporting them to the police, to god, to Barney the bloody dinosaur it doesn’t matter?
You have to have done something wrong for their to be recourse. So what exactly would the legal action be for? For Contacting a person online that is online with their contact details public?
that’s not a criminal act.

you asked permission, he said no, you don’t do it. conversation over.

if you still want to publish get a lawyer and cover your back because actually I imagine you can still publish with all details changed as you planned anyway. But if you’re not publishing it I don’t see what argument he could have at all. He’s just yelling nonsense at you because he wants you to stop. I actually think you’re giving this too much time and respect.

He may have not told his wife about the previous relationship, or lied about how close it was, or how it ended, did she string him along and then dump him when it suited her? Some things remain raw forever. You may have unwittingly opened a can of worms for him all these years later.

He sounds unhinged but I also think that you have over reacted.
You should have just ignored him and carried on, perhaps seeking legal advice first if you were unsure but to shred the letters etc is a bit much

@Bumblebeeinatree She seemed to string both men along to start with, but they were kids of 17 and he is now 66, he told me. He must have met his wife a few years later. His happy marriage is plastered over Facebook. In my initial contact to him by email I didn't mention the relationship with his ex, just that he had appeared in a couple of letters written in 1976. He then told me I had upset his wife, before I explained the context of my research. Unwittingly is the keyword here.

@Hoppinggreen People may feel I have over-reacted but being threatened with the Official Secrets Act, contacting my employer etc as well as the other agencies he mentioned was initially alarming. He knew where I worked because he researched me online in the same way as I found him. I wasn't prepared to have people contacting me without anything to answer them with.

I am sure it was worrying and I dont blame you for panicking a bit but for a start you have presumably never signed the Official Secrets Act so thretening you with that alone should have told you what you were dealing with.
Whatever the truth this man sounds like he would be capable of harrassment as a minimum so its understandable that you dont want to proceed.
He has bullied you into doing what he wants, which would rankle me and make me want to do the opposite - but that might actually be a bit of a character flaw I need to work on 😀