Do I need to be on the Deeds of our house?

[CinnamonTart]

Long story summarised but I owned a house in my 20s and 30s, which I then sold and put the money into our current home. Then married DH - 18 years ago now. DH has paid the mortgage over the years as my salary has been very low due to looking after our 2 kids and trying to get my own business up and running (which he’s supported)

But I’m not on the deeds of our house and he’s very resistant. I’m not sure why. Does it matter?

It definitely matters that he’s resistant. Given you are married I’m not sure it will matter if you split up.

Did he own the house before you came along or did you buy together, I’m not sure what you mean by you having ‘put the money into your current home’?

You pull your money into a house that you don't own?

If you end up divorcing it does not matter. The house will go into the pot to be split between you regardless of ownership.

If you die, it does make a difference in that the house will not be part of your estate.

Note that, if there is still a mortgage, you would need the mortgage lender's consent to be added to the deeds and there may be stamp duty to pay.

As you are married, it's not quite as important that your name isn't on the deeds, as the property would still be a marital asset.
However, I hope that you have documentation evidencing your earlier financial input, presumably onto the initial deposit.
I would be far more concerned as to why he doesn't want your name on the deeds.

If you’re married and got divorced, the house would be considered a joint asset. But I’d be far more concerned by the fact it sounds like you put a lot of money into the house, but didn’t have your name on the deeds at the time? And his attitude in general is really concerning. You need to be insistent, and I’d be seriously considering if you want to increase your own earnings and financial independence

Does he have a will? That's the bigggest risk here I think - that the house doesn't come to you should he die unexpectedly

Of be concerned about his resistance!! You clearly contributed to the house purchase, yet he doesn't want you to be a joint owner.
This is very odd. Ideally you should have insisted at the time, but you definitely should insist now.

In case of divorce it will be part of joint assets, if he dies it’s his to do what he wants with in his will, but if his will doesn’t provide for you well enough you can contest it.

But the other issue is that while it’s in his name and you are married, he can do (almost) what he likes with it. E.g. remortgage and give the money away or spend it on a hobby. This probably hasn’t occurred to him, but it’s a risk.

Have you suggested seeing a financial advisor and solicitor to get your affairs in order more generally, update wills, check pensions are on track, set up LPAs etc. Discussion there might make him realise his reluctance is ridiculous and potentially counter productive to what he actually wants. But that will depend on the reason for his reluctance.

Where are you, and are you legally wed?
Personally I wouldn't be happy living in someone else's house, but I'm aware I have a slight issue around home ownership (bought a complete dive in a shite area with no transport rather than rent as a young un) and also around equality.
The mortgage lender will probably be fine to add you, it gives them a second person to get their money from if they need to.

Why is he resistant? You are his wife, the mother of his children, you put money into the house and he doesn't think you should jointly own what should be considered a family asset? That's really very odd in my view.

Before marriage from the sounds of it. Madness.