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Legal matters

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Elderly father's new girlfriend wants half his house

19 replies

Maxine2710 · 02/03/2024 22:08

My mother died just over a year ago. Dad 76 met F(81) on a holiday. Just over a week later he drove 4 hours to Liverpool picked her up and she moved in to live with him. I'd never met her. She owns two terraced houses in her home town in a rough area she lives in one of them, a son/his family lives in another. Dad lives in a lovely rural village in a detached bungalow. Within 3 weeks of her moving in he informed me she wants half the value of his house leaving to her in his will and the right to remain living in his bungalow until she dies, if he passes away first. She will then leave her two homes to both her sons. She also wants to be named on his house deeds. I have only met her twice since she moved in and I don't want anything to do with her, i just didn't take to her at all, perhaps also becasue he informed me she was using my deceased mother's perfumes and things that had been left on the dressing table, which broke my heart. Dad is besotted and regularly goes down to her home, paying for petrol every time, to see her family. He is also paying all the bills in his home for the two of them, she pays nothing towards utilities. She has been here about 2 months now and he is constantly trying to force her onto me, twice turning up at my home unannounced. I was civil but no more. Prior to her sudden arrival we were extremely close, but not now. I have not been to his home since she arrived. My mum said she thought he was starting with dementia about 18 months before she died. obviously this woman isn't aware of this. I have tried to tell him he needs to be very careful and suggested that if he is leaving her half his home, she should be doing the same, but he just gets very agressive with me and tells me I should be happy for him. I have even stopped ringing him now as everytime I did so, it had to be on speaker phone so I could not speak to him in private. He has started ringing me when she goes out, but I am treading on eggshells about what I say. I feel so helpless, he says he is happy, but why the need or all this financial talk so soon (3 weeks) into their relationship unless she is a gold digger. He says her family make him welcome in Liverpool, but they willd do - they stand to inheritate indirectly a great deal of money. I honestly don't know what to do, expect stand back and hope 😓 I miss my mother so much and wish I could talk to her.

OP posts:
ssd · 02/03/2024 22:44

This sounds so difficult

Newnamesameoldlurker · 02/03/2024 22:48

Oh my god OP you poor thing. I hope wise posters will be on soon with legal advice. My heart goes out to you having to cope with this awful situation on top of the fresh grief for your mum.

happinessischocolate · 02/03/2024 22:54

Him paying all the bills is good as it means she has no claim on his house. Has he made another will to include her? I'd probably push the doctors to see if you can get a dementia diagnosis.

You could befriend her and tell her how happy you are that she'll be looking after you dad as his dementia gets worse.as if he goes into a home they'll be no money left

AllEars112232 · 02/03/2024 22:56

She sounds vile, but to protect your father I’d remain in close contact with him and her! Pretend you like her, and try to minimise her influence.

This is such a difficult situation :(

Lyracappul · 02/03/2024 22:57

Would he give you power of attorney? Can you speak to a lawyer? If he has made a will and doesn’t change it, and if she interferes, you can argue the dementia issue.. oh and watch him for it and get a diagnosis.. Also Don’t lose your time with your Dad over her, even if you disagree with his decisions. Clearly his decisions are wrong, but try to find ways to socialise and see him for your relationship with him. I learnt this matters, with my Aunt, as I have no regrets now she has died about how we managed her care.. even though I’m not in her will and was instrumental in her care over the last 7 years.. I have peace now with her and her death as a result of that.. I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely mom.. new woman will never replace her.

Towerofsong · 02/03/2024 23:14

Can you contact all the solicitors in the area and alert them of the situation that you believe your vulnerable father is being coerced into changing his will?

GiantFootTinyHead · 03/03/2024 09:42

They say keep your friends close, your enemies closer.

In this situation you need to kill her with kindness. Visit often and be as involved in their lives as possible, just so you can keep an eye and so your DF feels able to discuss things with you freely. If you are estranged from him then she will likely end up with everything.

Scaffoldingisugly · 03/03/2024 09:45

You absolutely need to befriend her... Or you leave df wide open to scammers..

AnnaMagnani · 03/03/2024 09:53

You absolutely need to befriend her. You also need to get your DF his dementia diagnosis if he has it.

bornak · 03/03/2024 09:54

. Prior to her sudden arrival we were extremely close, but not now. I have not been to his home since she arrived.

I have even stopped ringing him now

These are choices you have made.

If you want to help you need to be closer, not cut contact.

About 2.5 years ago your mum said she was seeing signs of dementia yet you have done nothing or seen nothing and only now it's an issue?

Cosmosforbreakfast · 03/03/2024 10:08

Report to SS and Police your concern for your elderly father who may have dementia, who you believe is being coercively controlled and may be forced to make a new will in favour of a woman he has known a very short time who also is trying to get on the deeds of his house. You need to start a trail of evidence as unfortunately people like this women can be very very ruthless. Take this very seriously.

Coercive controllers try to isolate their victims so do not give up on phoning your father. When he puts you on speaker ask him clearly to take you off speaker as you want to have a conversation with him privately and ask very loudly indeed why this woman feels the need to supervise his conversation with you.

Try to get him to see his GP, you can make your concerns known to his GP in advance, while they won't discuss him with you they will then be aware of his situation and can arrange assessment for dementia. You can also make your concerns known to your father's solicitor. Put it in writing you are very worried that this woman is trying to force your father to make a new will in her favour and add her name to the deeds of his house.

If you can arrange for a Power of Attorney.

This woman knows what she's doing and your father will have been a target from the minute she met him.

Flowersinthewateringcan · 03/03/2024 10:12

Oh op this must be so heartbreaking for you, the fact she is using your dm things is beyond awful and shows what kind of person she is.

It really doesn’t seem as though your df is thinking straight, probably a combination of grief and possibly dementia.

Please talk to his GP and see if you can get him checked over for possible signs of dementia, if he doesn’t have mental capacity that changes everything (my mum has Alzheimer’s).

unsync · 03/03/2024 12:06

Don't abandon him, especially if you think he may have dementia. What arrangements did he and your mother make with regard to PoAs?

This woman has latched on when he is very vulnerable and will be love bombing him. It will only get worse. It does seem like there is a safeguarding issue, so you need to step up and protect him.

greengreengrass25 · 03/03/2024 12:30

So sorry Op

What an absolute nightmare

Yes she is a scammer by the sounds of things and it is so common

NoOrdinaryMorning · 03/03/2024 14:08

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TraitorsGate · 03/03/2024 14:19

Don't abandon him now when she is scamming him, I would visit and see her for yourself. Does he want to cut you out of his will and leave everything to her and her sons. He sounds bereaved and vulnerable.

Riverlee · 03/03/2024 14:23

if hes got dementia, then it’s too late to get a Power of Attorney. They have to have mental capacity to understand the process and sign the forms. However, if it’s already in place, then you may be able to start using it.

i woukd definitely get the dementia assessment done.

Riverlee · 03/03/2024 14:24

And I agree, don’t abandon him. Be a nuisance to her and get involved in his life.

Maneattraction · 03/03/2024 20:32

1 Befriend her. You will need to grit your teeth and just do it.

  1. Have you got an LPA in place for him?

3 LPA will be difficult to get if dementia is diagnosed, but get him seen and go from there.

  1. Take a look at this

https://www.gov.uk/report-abuse-of-older-person

Report abuse of an older person

Tell the council if you're worried that an older person is being neglected, threatened or being taken advantage of - also known as 'elder abuse'.

https://www.gov.uk/report-abuse-of-older-person

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