Should I go for child arrangement order?

[CloudSurfer10]

Need some advice as really torn. Ex and I broke up a year ago, have 2 DC. We agreed originally that before either of us introduces new people into DC lives, relationship must be serious and secure, i.e. 1 year together properly. Ex has moved out straight to another woman. The first 2 months he has been hiding he moved in with someone and was lousy parent, skipping on contact etc. Then he admitted he moved to hers and asked for DC to meet her. I have reminded him of our agreement particularly as DC were really struggling with this. He also pushed his family to meet her which they refused saying they don't want to be involved with someone he barely knows and might not be with and they don't want random women trailing through their home. Anyhow, he got engaged within 3 months and started to go even more awol. He started to shows symptoms of drug use and sure enough admitted to taking them. In fact he has admitted to taking them on daily basis as well as drink heavily. He is allowed to see DC but due to his mental state and drug use, both his family and I agree that he is not allowed to drive DC anywhere as its not safe ( consulted drug helpline and various agencies to learn how continued drug use can impact his capacity to drive and be safe). He has been causing enormous drama, shouting, swearing, storming out when he doesn't get his way. He has caused such bad situations, police was called twice and issue was logged. He barely see DC, plays the victims, turns up when he wants, leaves when he wants, notifies me last minute that he isn't going to make it, always later with payments. He doesn't get involved in anything school related, won't attend events, parent meetings, bday parties. Anything that's really child related apart from basic contact and going to the park.

I am seriously concerned for my DC safety and so are his family and wondering if I should go and get child arrangement order in place? I hear from people he has idea about moving away, about 2.5hrs drive. His partner is also on drugs and has been for many years.

What are the chances of me getting CAO and any protective measures? I'm tired of him skipping contact, causing arguments in front of DC and sucking them into conflict and being unable to look after them. Any advice?

I wouldn't. I'd say he can't see the DC unless his family supervise, and let him drift away. If he wants contact he can apply for the CAO.

Let him foot the bill and petition the court. If drugs are involved I would personally not allow any contact. Or if his parents could facilitate supervised contact. He will either agree or take you to court.

I took my ex to court, it was very costly and I paid the court fees because I took him to court.

@Drapion he only has contact at my house or his family's houses. I was wondering if I should go for it as he is saying he is trying to get help but I know his partner won't as she has been on it for over 10 years and has no intention of quitting. Social services was informed by the police but I haven't done anything further as not sure of the consequences if I do and what and how they will do. I just advised that for now I had it in hand.

The whole issue around serious relationship snd one year thing is a red herring.

the issue here is the safeguarding, and drug taking

i would simply state he can only have supervised contact at your home and if he’s not happy with that he’ll need to take you to court/ where you’ll apply for supervised contact only and clean drug testing

As PP's have advised you need to stick to supervised contact. Did social services call you? I had a similar situation with DD'd dad and they actually called me and said all contact must be supervised. Let him take you to court, cafcass will speak to both of you and from my experience if he's still taking drugs it would have to be supervised. My DD's dad has only gone to non supervised/supported after a year clean so don't worry that he will be given unsupervised because he won't x

Firstly, never let him into your home again. That is a safe place for you and the kids. (If you can, move and don’t give him the address.) Secondly, don’t apply for a custody order. Just stop his access. If his family are great then arrange to meet them elsewhere and explain that this is for your safety and for that of the kids. It sounds like they would understand why you don’t want him around the kids.
If he REALLY wants to see the kids then HE has to prove it. He can pay to see them at a contact centre. If he doesn’t make the appointment, you keep track of it. If he applies to the court for an access order he will have to pay for it. Not only is it unlikely that he would bother doing this or spending drug money on the courts, you will have a boatload of evidence to show why he is not safe to be around. Include dates of missed access, evidence of drug use and antisocial behaviour, witness statements from his family supporting your evidence, etc. It is likely that he will lose and be out of pocket.

Thank you all, really appreciate the advice. He has only supervised contact and I have tons of evidence already including recordings of him shouting and threatening which the police have heard. The reason for which I allow contact at mine as he gets time with his children alone whereas at his family's homes there are other people and DC voiced their opinion they want time with just their dad. I don't really want him around as he tried to control what I do in my time and demands to know where I go if I pop out even to the shop and gaslight me in front of the DC. I tried to go no contact but he keeps breaking it and tries to manipulate people around him saying he is seeking help with the drugs so people try to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's tough and I feel mentally and physically tired.