Solicitor for SIL - custody of children issue in court soon

[Alltheyearround]

My SIL and her DH separated acrimoniously a while back due to various things, but his sexual behaviour was a major factor (wanted an open marriage but really what this meant is I want to shag all our friends behind your back and push you into encounters you're not happy with and have a get out clause).

He has a job with £££££ she has a reasonable wage but he earns much more and has spent money on a legal team over who gets custody of the 2 young teens who are their DC. She has buried her head in the sand a bit and tried to deal with court paperwork at last minute. Judge has told her she has 3 weeks to get someone from the legal profession to do it properly otherwise she can't submit it.

She has custody currently. One child not keen on being with dad at all, the other is torn between mum and dad. Not sure if this is taken into account at all?

Dad is self-serving and seems more interested in party drugs and seeing various women (noisy shagging when kids used to stay over at weekends and not prioritising them at all, interested in the girlfriends).

It feels like he's doing this just to 'win' one over her. She's no angel, but I do think she has the better interests for her children. I am not sure what he'd do if he won full custody. He lives in a small flat, she has the larger marital house.
He sees the kids through an access centre = supervised contact.

Anyway - does anyone have details of a legal professional or team who could help support and advise?

She's so stressed about the fact that he has a legal team and she is fighting by herself. It's just not working.

Could he win full custody? What does he need to do to prove he is more suitable? Or is 50/50 more likely. What if the 14 yr old doesn't want to see him?

SIL has shared a lot of detail with her (personally I find this quite manipulative and unsuitable material for a child to be hearing about parental sex lives).

I suspect both their sexual histories and minor drug use will come up as they may mud sling.

Where in the country are you?

Doh. That's a key point I missed out @ChocoChocoLatte . London, North.

My recommendation no use to you geographically, so sorry.

Hopefully someone along soon to help

solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk

She must have messed up the paperwork as it's not unusual for people to represent themselves in family court?

Has the Carcass report been done yet? The children's views at that age will be important.

If she is mentioning 'custody' she needs to stop, it's residency.

If he only has supervised contact, there's a reason. She needs to talk about what is best for the children while avoiding tit for tat mud slinging.

This doesn't make a lot of sense. There is no chance a father will get a court order stating the children have to live with him if they are teenagers and they don't want to.

Can't help with a lawyer.

No he won't get full residency. The most he'd get is 50/50.

But if he's currently only allowed supervised contact that is pretty unlikely.

Court will take the DC's views into account. Especially considering their ages.

Oh that's good. Someone told me they had stopped children expressing their views so they didn't later have regrets about choosing one parent over another.

TBH I haven't got massively involved with it all. I have enough going on with a SEND child and a mother in an abusive relationship which has ramped up again this week. She's 76 and he's very ill. Threw a jug of pee all over her just a few days ago in a fit of anger. LA social worker says its her choice to be there, nothing we can do. I am scared he is going to somehow take her with him (he has stage 4 cancer, but don't pity him he is as vile as they come). Either she will have heart attack, mental breakdown or he will do something physical to her. He threw his walking frame across the room this week too. It scares me and I have no idea what to do. So, hence keeping a little distance from SIL's situation. DH has been supporting her loads though.

I think she would like kids to be NC.

https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/public/for-public-visitors/find-a-solicitor

I suspect SIL has put a lot of emotion (he said, she said) instead of facts into her court submission. The judge will only deal with facts and will not be interested in their sex life or why the marriage broke down. A solicitor will be able to cut through it all and condense it. She might only need a one off consultation so she needs to be very clear when she calls/emails them to find out how much and if they provide that service (and what information they need from her).

I’ve PMd you OP. I have an incredible solicitor! I self represented for a long time but hired my solicitor when things got too complex for me to handle alone. He’s the best. Seriously, he is.

How old are the DC? They seem old enough for their wishes to carry notable weight.

And I’m so sorry that life has handed you the shitshow card from the deck. I feel your plight immensely!

“This too shall pass!”
”The only way out is through!” and all that good stuff (that doesn’t work but… it tries to. It tries! We try.).

I hope time is kind to you and life itself especially. It will all calm down eventually. The pee throwing will have its own ending. But it’s so hard for you. So hard to carry these worries and anxieties. 💐

If she can't afford a solicitor does she get any benefits eg UC as she may be entitled to legal aid. Maybe get urgent appointment with citizens advice. There must be a reason for only having supervised contact at a contact centre so it's unlikely to go to full custody from that. Also the children's views will be taken into account if they are teenagers.

I suspect both their sexual histories and minor drug use will come up as they may mud sling

Ah. That’s a bit problematic. She really needs legal advice. She shouldn’t do this alone if he’ll play ugly. It can break a person. That said, I’ve self represented twice (with mud!) and I can advise on this. PM any questions you might have. I am happy to help!!

@SerenityNowInsanityLater would you mind please PM'ing your solicitor too? I'm going through a really challenging divorce and could do with some help.

Legal aid is only available in cases of documented DV within the past 6 months. It hasn't been generally available for about a decade.

@SerenityNowInsanityLater have sent details of solicitor.

Thanks everyone, input has been useful.

I mean I have sent DH the details to give to her. Fingers crossed it all gets resolved soon. I do feel for the kids.

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