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Original poster

How can I protect children’s inheritance?

51 replies

SouI · 27/01/2024 19:34

Hello,

DH has repeatedly refused to say he won’t remarry if I were to die unexpectedly. I don’t mind him having another relationship if something were to happen to me. That being said I would never remarry.

I’m worried because if he were to remarry he would effectively disinherit our children. This happened to me when my father remarried. I’ve asked him and asked him but he won’t say he won’t remarry and disinherit the kids.

I’ve worked very hard to ensure the house is paid off and if nothing else I want make sure my children inherit my half.

What steps can I take to ensure this? We are currently joint owners, but I understand I ought to change this to tenants in common. Does this affect my rights to the house at all? I’m worried DH would take a loan out against his half of the house or something and it could be repossessed (he’s tried to do this before but I refused). He is also resistant to changing to tenants in common but as I understand it I don’t actually need his permission.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

OP posts:
Neriah · 27/01/2024 19:36

If you trust him so little, why are you married to him?

Octavia64 · 27/01/2024 19:39

You can sever the tenancy so instead of both of you owning all of it each of you owns half.

You can then write a will splitting your assets among your children.

My parents did this. For a different reason. It is fairly simple as legal stuff goes.

LIZS · 27/01/2024 19:40

Make a will in favour of dc? If he gets your assets by default he can do as he chooses, even f he did not remarry.

Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 19:40

@Neriah Apathy. I do love him but I am not in love with him.

We’ve been together so long neither of us want a divorce. We do care for each other though. I love my house and it’s not worth the financial headache if we split up. We also take care of our disabled adult son together.

OP posts:
Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 19:42

@Octavia64 Thanks for the advice. Do you know what happens if one of us dies? Would the survivor still be allowed to stay in the house or would it have to be sold? Thanks again

OP posts:
Peakypolly · 27/01/2024 19:42

We have built a 'totty clause' into our will (called this by our financial advisor) such that the surviving spouse can live the rest of their life in our home but, when they die 50% of the assets go to our joint DC. Should spouse sell up, the joint DC will relieve 50% of the house value at that point.
Investments were slightly different but it sounds like the house is your main asset.

Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 19:43

@LIZS My understanding is a will makes no difference if you are married. It defaults to the spouse regardless.

OP posts:
Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 19:45

@Peakypolly That sounds exactly like what I’d like to do. DH is very resistant though. I will probably have to just tell him it’s what I’m doing and there is nothing he can do about it. House is by far our main asset. He has lots of assets (art work) of his own though, I have a bit of cash.

OP posts:
Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 19:47

@Peakypolly Are you joint owners by the way? Or tenants in common? I believe a will has no bearing on the land registry deeds. It will automatically go to the joint owner if one spouse dies.

OP posts:
Zampa · 27/01/2024 19:48

SouI · 27/01/2024 19:43

@LIZS My understanding is a will makes no difference if you are married. It defaults to the spouse regardless.

DH and I have mirror wills that hold everything in trust for the children if one of us dies first, protecting it from any future spouse. Get some legal advice and write your wills and you'll be ok.

KnottyKnitting · 27/01/2024 19:49

I would make your own will and make sure you have specific instructions making sure your children have what you wish for them.

My aunt didn't do this and, after passing away quite unexpectedly, her nasty weasel of a second husband changed the will and left all of the estate to his own DS.

The great majority of this was hers-she owned the house they lived in and had a good pot of money which he had spent the whole of her married life sponging off ( he was unemployed)

He told my cousins not to worry and promised that his DS would ensure he shared it with them - the apple didn't fall far from the tree as the DS snaffled the lot, leaving my cousins with nothing. Odious little man and his odious little DS.

WaitingfortheTardis · 27/01/2024 19:50

Yes we are doing the same as @Zampa and are in the middle of working out a trust will.

onetwothreeee · 27/01/2024 19:54

Not quite Soul

I was literally at the solicitors just yesterday with my DH re-doing our will and P.O.A etc.

If my DH dies his brother gets something of his, as per his will. Not me even though I am married to my husband.

(we are clearly all ok with this as is the solicitor but we can all leave what we have to whoever we want if we want to)

LIZS · 27/01/2024 19:57

SouI · 27/01/2024 19:43

@LIZS My understanding is a will makes no difference if you are married. It defaults to the spouse regardless.

Not true , see pp. if you have no will it goes to spouse first and dependants.

TwigTheWonderKid · 27/01/2024 19:58

I have this dilemma as I have stage 4 cancer and I am actively encouraging DH to remarry in due course.

There is no easy answer to this. A remarriage will invalidate any will and whilst I absolutely trust DH to do the right thing, I still have this niggling worry that he could be taken advantage of and at his age it's still possible he could have a second family.

@Peakypolly that clause could make life difficult for the surviving spouse which is why our solicitor advised us against it. Imagine if the surviving spouse wanted or needed to move house and didn't want to buy a smaller or cheaper house, unless they have access to cash of the equivalent of half the value of the house it could potentially put them in a difficult position.

@soulI think you need to see a good solicitor, especially as you also need to ensure your son who has a disability is properly protected. Have you made provision for him for when both you and your husband are gone?

MrsDoubtfire123 · 27/01/2024 19:58

You can be tenants in common. Then you can leave your half (or whatever % is yours) to whoever. Please , please , please do not rely on ANYONES word (even your loyal husband - in life) … because in death , things can change. Just read what happened to Linda Bellingham’s boys ! She trusted her husband (their stepfather) would take care of her boys , so she left all her wealth to her husband. After her death , he did not keep his word and her boys were left with nothing. She would be so sad to think that happened. The only person , who can take care of your children is YOU. No matter how much you trust your spouse. Money does strange things to people , they can be manipulated and things can change. You need legal advice and have mirrored Wills - if you choose. You need to protect your children’s inheritance and your husband should do the same.

Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 19:59

@LIZS@onetwothreeee @Zampa Thanks all for the replies. I agree you are correct about other assets but I was pretty sure in the case of a property, if you are joint owners, whatever you say in a will makes no difference. Is this not the case?

OP posts:
Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 19:59

The reason I ask is because I feel guilty going against his wishes in changing the deeds. But I will do whatever I need to ensure my kids get my half.

OP posts:
Throwawayme · 27/01/2024 20:04

It's a bit unfair to ask someone to promise they won't remarry if you die :-/ but also strange if he won't promise not to disinherit your kids. I think they are two separate things. Even if he did make you that promise though, if he met someone else and remarried, you'd be dead and would never know. I think seek some legal advice re your share and your kids.

prh47bridge · 27/01/2024 20:04

SouI · 27/01/2024 19:43

@LIZS My understanding is a will makes no difference if you are married. It defaults to the spouse regardless.

This is not true. Your will does make a difference. Your estate (including your portion of the house if you sever the joint tenancy) will be distributed in accordance with your will. However, if you disinherit your husband completely, he will have a claim against your estate.

You need to sever the joint tenancy (you are correct that you don't need his agreement to do this) then make a will leaving him a life interest in your share of the property with it passing to your children on his death. Severing the joint tenancy makes no difference to your rights to the house. Even if he takes out a loan secured on his half of the house and fails to repay it, you won't lose your half of the house.

Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 20:05

@TwigTheWonderKid I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot begin to imagine how stressful and heartrending your situation is.

The reason I am so concerned is because my father inadvertently disinherited me. My mother did the same as I have done - worked to pay off the house and my father was devoted to her until the day she died. In his grief he ended up remarrying. It was very unhappy and when he died she got everything including my mother's house even though that was not what he intended.

OP posts:
migigo · 27/01/2024 20:06

Switch the ownership to tenants in common but with lifetime residency. Also you need to be careful with you disabled dc inheriting if they cannot work

prh47bridge · 27/01/2024 20:07

SouI · 27/01/2024 20:05

@TwigTheWonderKid I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot begin to imagine how stressful and heartrending your situation is.

The reason I am so concerned is because my father inadvertently disinherited me. My mother did the same as I have done - worked to pay off the house and my father was devoted to her until the day she died. In his grief he ended up remarrying. It was very unhappy and when he died she got everything including my mother's house even though that was not what he intended.

It sounds like he failed to make a new will after remarrying. Unfortunately, some people make that mistake and end up unintentionally disinheriting their children.

Original poster
SouI · 27/01/2024 20:08

@Throwawayme I have no issue with him having a new relationship. What I think (fear) will happened is he will quickly marry a young woman who is only interested in his money and thus the kids will be disinherited. He almost did this once during our marriage - fell for a young Russian woman who only had eyes on his money and a visa but he thought it was love. When he broke it off her true vicious gold digger nature was exposed. I think he will do similar if I were to die tomorrow but I won't be around to talk reason to him.

OP posts:
TwigTheWonderKid · 27/01/2024 20:10

SouI · 27/01/2024 20:05

@TwigTheWonderKid I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot begin to imagine how stressful and heartrending your situation is.

The reason I am so concerned is because my father inadvertently disinherited me. My mother did the same as I have done - worked to pay off the house and my father was devoted to her until the day she died. In his grief he ended up remarrying. It was very unhappy and when he died she got everything including my mother's house even though that was not what he intended.

@soul,I totally understand, especially as this happened to a friend of mine. The trouble is it's impossible to know what will happen and leaving half the house to my sons now, who are only 14 and 18, could have unforseen and unintended consequences for my husband. It's an almost an impossible situation..