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Historical child abuse help!

4 replies

Twinboymum2010 · 16/01/2024 23:58

Long story short I was abused (not sexually) by my father for 2 decades. Very serious abuse including beatings with shoes, belts etc and he almost killed me on more than one occasion
My sister was also a victim of abuse but not quite to the extent I was. Anyway she confronted him end of 2022 and he basically said we were awful children (we werent) and that we deserved it. I am currently going through what feels like my 100th round of counselling and I think maybe I need closure in the form of someone in power such as police or court judge to tell him that what he did was immoral, illegal, abnormal, cruel and unwarranted
My question is has anyone gone to the police years after the abuse ended? Will anything come of it?
I have filed a police report today but I’m convinced that nothing will come of it and I’m dragging it all up for no reason

thanks in advance!

OP posts:
Stillnormal · 17/01/2024 00:02

sorry you’re going through this it’s very hard. Different stories completely but I did go to the police. Closure might likely not be prosecution but there is something cathartic about getting it off your chest. Please please please contact victim support for support before you start and stay strong and do speak your truth x

Rocksonabeach · 17/01/2024 00:21

Well done for filing a report.

I can’t tell you what the police or a court might do. He might plead guilty or might deny it and therefore it will rely on multiple factors such as medical records, statements and both the likelihood of a conviction and the potential of what that might mean.

You say you have a sister. Is she also willing to make a statement? Any witnesses?

I’m 50 and despite experiencing violence from my parents and so on as a child. I never have made a police report - he’s now 85 and in poor health. Money wise he will be far more able to defend himself - he is a millionaire.

Years of counselling and boundaries have meant he hasn’t spoken to me in 3 years. I will never get an acknowledgment or an apology - apologies when they do come are said in a way such as ‘right ok you’ve upset your mother so I’m sorry ok I’m sorry you’re so sensitive and emotional. There you go just leave it now I’ve apologised and that’s the end of it’ and then a refusal to let me speak - that was 5 years ago. Hardly an apology is it?

I longed for loving parents, still do - that’s natural and like you have had years of therapy.

I long for him to be ‘taken down’ or develop a nasty illness or even just die at times. He is and was my abuser and destroyed my life.

But he has no power over me or my children now. I saw him a year ago and he had no power over me, a pathetic 85 year old man with no friends and no life. He has no contact through their choice with my children who loathe him and have told him why they do - he lost his power over the next generation. One day he will be dust, no one will come to his funeral or remember him. This time in 20 year he will be dust. He lives sad and alone with his millions and my mother.

I wish you every success with your journey and I totally get why you want it - want someone to say ‘listen mate you are a totally nasty bastard and it wasn’t her - it was you’ -for me even if a top judge told my father this - he would blame anyone -,the system, me whatever rather than believe that.

For me my father is a tiny man and for years used his fists to control me and his words. I have wished at times I could cause him pain, hit him for all those times he hit me etc and sometimes I wish I could just tell him for closure ‘you are fucking bastard and the world is better off with you dead’. But for him he would not accept it from me or anyone.

I wish you every success and support with your journey.

Twinboymum2010 · 17/01/2024 08:18

In all honesty I did the report in my freezer time while at work yesterday and I ended up breaking down in tears at work because of it
I was always so terrified to call the police or childline when I was little because he went through the phonebill with a fine tooth comb so I was terrified it would expose me and then I guess I was just so relieved to be out of that situation that I just thought there was no point in doing anything about it now that I’m free
Thank you I will look at victim support, I am a civil servant and therenis some support available that I’m going to have a look at today if I get the chance to
The relationship between me and my sister has been turbulent to say the least but we are the closest we have ever been and I worry that she wont want to do anything about it. He never did the abuse in front of anyone apart from my sister. Family and friends say they knew he absolutely hated me and would do interventions to try to talk to him about it but it never worked. Noone knew about the physical side of it, only the psychological side of it
My father is also a wealthy man but I honestly think he’s so confident that was he did wasnt abuse that he would probably admit what he did but wouldnt accept that it was unreasonable
I have longed for the day he dies for so many years now but alas he keeps going. We live in the same area so I’m still basically on edge all the time that I will bump into him
Luckily when my mum found out about the abuse she left him, she is now so angry that she threatens to go and beat him up ha but that wouldnt solve anything
I still feel like he has power over me. That if I bump into him he knows I am absolutely terrified of him

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 17/01/2024 10:02

A friend of mine reported that she had been abused as a child, years after the abuse ended. She gave evidence in court against her father which resulted in him being imprisoned. So yes, something may come of it. It depends on whether there is sufficient evidence for a prosecution.

Well done for reporting this.

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