Child arrangements and drug use

[Jellybaby12345]

Hi, does anyone have any experience with going to court for child arrangements when the other parent uses drugs and the children don’t really want contact as he scares them?

No insights here, sorry, but as I understand it the kid's preferences get taken seriously as they get older, and I cannot imagine courts' favourite fathers are the scary drug using ones.

Sorry I can't help, good luck.

How old are the children? If over 11/12 then judge will let them choose.

The family court should ask the drug taking parent to submit a hair sample to test for drugs/ alcohol. Btw, it is not always the father that is the drug user.

Good spot! And very fair. My sexist assumption was even more unreasonable given I have a friend who is going through a divorce, and the wild, drinking, drug-taking, not-coming-home-from-a-night-out half of the couple is not the man!

Thank you. I appreciate the message. And in this case it is the dad that’s using drugs!

They are 10 and 13 so hopefully they will take their wishes into account.

My ex was violent and he took a lot of drugs! They never tested him! I asked them too! But they did listen to the children’s wishes! The children saw their Dad supervised by his parents as the children were scared up until my ex got bored and stopped seeing them. His parents still see the kids for his weekend! With child arrangements it all depends on the judge x

Well no. The OP says "he scares them" so you didn't make an assumption.

That is what I am hoping for. He has recently been stopped for drug driving. Does anyone know if the court could get that information from the police as evidence?

Your solicitor should be able to get the information about the drug driving from the police and present it to the judge. Also, you should inform cafcass .

The court doesn't investigate. It simply decides on the evidence presented. If you want drug driving to be taken into account, you need to present evidence.

Your children's wishes and feelings will definitely be part of the decision. There is no hard and fast age at which their views are decisive, but the older they are the more weight their views will carry.

If the judge will appoint a barrister on behalf of the children a much thorough investigation into evidence and the children’s wishes will happen x Nothing to do with courts is quick and it always depends on the judge. I think you always need to be seen to promote safe contact. If contact is not safe you need to evidence why but still promote supervised contact, telephone contact, letters etc. if you’re seen to for 1 second look like you’ll stop contact or you’re alienating the other parent a judge will hate you from the start x

Oh no that doesn’t give me much confidence in the court system then. How does it work with speaking to the children about their wishes? I’m worried my children will be too scared to tell the truth as they worry about their dad getting mad at them and being even worse with them.

The children have a choice whether they want to contact their dad or not. I don’t promote or deny it. He hasn’t arranged any supervised contact and I won’t do it due to domestic abuse. Will this go against me?

The court should always listen to the children! Your children aren’t babies and they know how they feel x The court should appoint someone to talk to them and you will get your say, as will he x Judges are not stupid!! They will get the measure of your ex pretty quick! If your ex has been offered supervised contact and done nothing about it that’s on him. Leave the ball in his court and have the mindset that you want your children listened to and any contact should be safe!

Has anyone perhaps been in or heard of a similar situation…
Mum has always raised the kids no issues. Dads there at weekends but with Mum, maybe takes them to a park or for an hour or so by himself. Now splitting up Dad wants 50/50 and will use mums cannabis use against her to get it. Is that an issue for the court as it has never affected the children before.
Dad has also accused domestic violence, however this has been both ways, only mum did not contact the police and eventually when she fought back, he contacted them to get her arrested.