What's the best approach

[christologymum]

Been separated from ex for almost 3 years, he met someone new 6 months ago. All agreed would sell the marital home next summer once the fixed rate ends or me buy him out. Divorce application currently in process.

Currently he has them eow, and that's at his new girlfriend's house which is tiny. But he's buying somewhere once the house is sold. He did have them 2 nights a week but wanted to change it not long ago, I think that was the new girlfriends doing as she'd told the kids that he spends too much time with them. But the kids go happily and seem to like her and her 13 year old son.

Earlier this year he mentioned that once he has a place he wants to give the kids a choice of where they live, (he's looking 45min- 1 hour away) I said I don't mind him asking the 12 and 15 year old as they are old enough to make a decision but the 8 year old I wasn't happy about, she has autism and tells him she wants to live there but tells me she doesn't, she tells us both what we want to hear and is not old and mature enough to make a decision and it wouldn't be fair, the conversation ended there. I did say I would take it to court if needs be.

They have been with him the last 2 days and the youngest has come back saying that his new girlfriend's son has been saying they are all moving there and she's really upset. Now I get that it's prob hot air but it's obviously been spoken about.

Do I just ignore it? I don't want to start an argument, logically I can't see his new girlfriend wanting them permanently so prob not come to much.

I just can't see how he could meet her needs he works 12 hour shifts days/nights, I work from home and have a good set up with after school that meets her needs. Surely a judge wouldn't give him custody?

Any advice welcome.

His gf prob doesn't want him paying cms. And he has prob told her you are a total bitch so is under the impression df of the year should have the dc to himself. Also deluded it would be him looking after them... Ask him how he intends to manage school runs and clubs and mates from the new address.

If he took you to court, your children's wishes and feelings would be listened to. However, your 8-year-old's views will carry very little weight. The courts would only agree to a move if he convinced them that it was in your daughter's best interests. On the information you've posted, that seems unlikely.

Yes that makes sense.

When he asked to change to eow his payments jumped up mainly because they weren't calculated right in first place and when he wanted to make changes I took that as an opportunity to change them which he wasn't impressed about as previously I'd not wanted to rock the boat.

But yes that will be the reason, as paying me £400 will have a big impact on affordability for a mortgage. No idea how he's going to get something to house 5 kids, as she hardly works and her son has significant learning disabilities.

Should I do something in the mean time in terms of getting legal advice? Or just sit it out. I would just refuse so he would need to go via the court if he did want to push it which honestly I can't see him doing, but then I never saw him sorting the divorce and he did. Seems he's worked out how to be an adult and deal with life admin now I'm not doing it all for him 🤣

One thing I'm def doing is making sure I keep records of everything incase he try's to throw any curveballs about my suitability to have them.

Like for example last time he had them he txt me on the sat morning to say 2 were ill and I must have known they were ill and shouldn't have sent them. I responded to say they were fine and had gone to school fine (he collected them from school) and said bring them home if you can't cope. He never responded but I hadn't realised that having them was conditional on them being 100% as if so he'll never have them, youngest has been coughing since sept. Dr just said it's normal. Clearly if they were really unwell I wouldn't send them if they wanted to be at home. How does he think I cope when they are unwell and with me, or I'm unwell I just manage.