Separation when not married

[Slightlyboredandseverlyconfused]

Hoping for a bit of legal advice for my friend as I’m a bit worried she’s about to get financially messed up.

She has primary DC with her long term partner. They are not married but been together for twenty odd years. Lived together for most of that in rented in the early years.

She has a good career and has been the main breadwinner. She works full time - lots of it WFH. Prior to kids she funded him and supported him to train as a plumber. He passed the course and does very occasional jobs but hasn’t really got things up and running so earns very little. He has a regular minimum wage job that he does in the school term three mornings a week.

She has always paid the full mortgage, she paid the deposit, the house is in her name.

He has only recently started to contribute a small amount per month to bills as she realised that he was buying lots of stuff he didn’t need and going to lots of costly sporting events whilst she was paying all the bills. He pays for his car that he inherited and some of the food shops. He now pays roughly 1/5 of the household bills. Nothing towards mortgage.

So he does school drop offs and pick ups (20 mins each time), runs the Hoover around each week. Does some basic pizza in the oven type cooking a couple of times a week. Will wash up some pots each day. Watches the kids (by watching TV with them and taking them to the cinema) and will do some of the getting them dressed and teeth cleaned etc. He has been very involved with PTA and so looks like a very involved parent from the outside. He goes away for several weekends a year to sporting events.

She cooks proper food more often than he cooks and washes up a few pots each day. she does the bulk of the cleaning. They both do gardening and DIY and laundry.

She is flat out busy all the time. He reads books for pleasure during the day.

They are separating and he is saying to the mediator that he does all the childcare and domestic stuff. This isn’t true (I remember in lockdown her having to do the home Ed whilst working because he wouldn’t and then cooking at the end of her working day).

Her worst fear is they have to sell the house, uproot the kids, she will be saddled with a massive mortgage on a new, smaller house and that he’ll get full residency because it looks like he is the main parent.

The reality is that he is verbally abusive (hence she needs to separate from him) and doesn’t actually do much parenting. He’s pretty hopeless and just shouts at them if they don’t do as they are told. Doesn’t do much with them. Whereas she sets up and takes them to activities and organised trips and outings. Takes them for walks. Taught them to ride their bikes etc.

He has been told he can get legal aid. She can’t but doesn’t have much money. I think she’ll get one session of legal advice through the mediation.

Any advice very much appreciated. It would be so unfair if he takes half of what she’s built. He’s been so awful to her for so long.

Thanks so much in advance.

A bit of a 'starter for 10'here:

https://www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-jan-apr-2017/rights-to-property-after-separation/

She needs proper legal advice even if she has to pay for an hour or so with a solicitor but tbh I don't think he's got much of a claim.

If they aren't married then he won't get any rights to her house. He can't demand she sell it gain any of the assets in her name. A possible exception would be if her can price that he has made a significant contribution to the house in some way such as paying for an extension or new kitchen which has raised the value of the property. She could in that case just pay him off

If his income is so low it seems unlikely he will be able to afford a home to house the children decently anyway.

It's unlikely he will get more then 50/50 with kids. If he doesn't have adequate housing possibly less.

They're not married so he's very unlikely to get half. Agree with pp that it would be worth her paying for a solicitor.

So there are two situations where he might be able to claim some of her assets:

They are married

He has paid towards them or improved them in some way.

Neither of these apply so he is extremely unlikely to be able to take any if her house, money, pension, etc.

Can't comment re child residence.

No marriage = no split of assets due.

I'm assuming mediation is in relation to custody?

Are they in Scotland?

If so, he will have cohabitants rights under a section 28 claim in family courts & could potentially make a claim.

I don't see the need for medication in this situation - is there any reason for it?

Thank you so so much.

They are not in Scotland.

He is a very tricky character. Mediation was her call as he was ignoring her requests to move out and she wants it to be as amicable as possible for the DC.

He hasn’t done any major work to the house. A bit of tiling and a few bits of DIY but she’s paid contractors for any significant work.

If he says he is the main caregiver and she works full time could he go for full residency? She could absolutely manage on her own with no help from him. He will want DC full time.

Reassuring to know he can’t take a big share of her assets.

I just had a look at that. Thank you. Really helpful. Only unclear thing is that it says it’s different for cohabiting couples if they have children. Do you happen to know how that changes the division of assets please?

How old are the children?

If any of them are secondary age with no SEN they can decide which parent they live with.

If they are primary age 9r have SEN then he can argue for 50/50 but then he needs to provide somewhere for them to live.

As he hasn't contributed to the house and they aren't married this would be solely on him to prove them with a place to live.

As there is a shortage of social housing and the children can live with mum, he would struggle to get on any waiting lists.

He won't get legal aid unless he can prove that she has been abusive and he has absolutely no income. The last person I know who got some legal aid was on maternity leave but when it was discovered she was lying about the abuse, it was swiftly withdrawn.

No SEN. Year 6 and year 7 so one is in secondary school but only just.

DC will want to stay with her but might feel bad for him and say differently as he won’t hold back telling them how awful she is. He is verbally abusive to her in front of them already.

He is verbally abusive to her in front of them already.

This type of behaviour and worse is common when couples split.

Do you happen to know how that changes the division of assets please?

The children are not infant school age or younger, so what is his excuse for not being able to work full-time or nearly full-time?

Like women who split up with their partner or spouse he would be expected to maximise his income by working full-time.

If the children have gone to holiday clubs in the past then that means they have sorted out adequate childcare between them so they should both be able to work full-time.

If he argues he looks after the younger one after school as a tradesman it would not stop him from working as some tradesmen clock off between 3-4pm to pick up their kids.

Your friend can negate these arguments by simply putting the younger one in after school club and holiday clubs. (Keeping emails.) However to be honest if he drags it to Court the younger child will be nearly in secondary school by the time it is heard.

He basically needs to be a provide a place for his kids to live without her help.

If he manages to get 50/50 he may get maintenance from her to help pay for the children when they are with him but the CMS amounts are crap.

He is not entitled to assets in her name. That includes the house, bank accounts and her pension. It sounds to me like he is blackmailing her into trying to get assets by saying he is the primary caregiver.

Id suggest that she holds firm and goes for 50-50 care. If she gives him more than he is entitled to of the assets on the basis that he has the kids then it is likely that within a year they will be back with her full time and she will be providing for them with less assets. He needs to support himself and accept the consequences of the dd idiom he has made not to get married

Starting point for the DC is 50:50 these days!

He's screwed, he knows it so is fighting dirty.

Well that’s all very reassuring. Thank you all.

He absolutely could work school hours or more. She paid for his training and supported him so much through it and he’s done very little with it. Does the odd job for friends at ‘mates rates’ but that is probably every couple of months at most. His other job is less than three days a week and only term time so he has all summer with no work really. He gets to sit around reading books. My friend can’t remember the last time she sat reading a book in the day. She got ill she was working so hard and he was stressing her out so much. I’m ranting now.

But thank you so much. It sounds like he’s unlikely to get her assets. The risk is that his family member has offered to pay his legal fees so it could get messy but by
it sounds like if she gets a good lawyer she’d be ok.

They are not married, nothing is in his name. All she has to do is let him know when she wants him out by. Changing the locks also a good idea.

I'm confused as to why either party needs a lawyer. He needs to leave the house - it's hers. I would suggest custody arrangements could be agreed at mediation but as PP, he needs a suitable home to accommodate overnight stays and he doesn't have one.

hopefully it won’t come to that.

Checking it out in a chat bot AI length of relationship and the individuals housing needs sometimes get taken into account. Any one know anything about this?

Again, that is if they are married - a short marriage (less than 2 years) means that spouses have less claim on each other’s assets.

They certainly get taken into account for marriages in the U.K.

Other countries have different rules about cohabitation so I wouldn't necessarily trust the AI to be U.K. specific.

It is taken into account in other countries for example Australia and New Zealand.

Mediation can offer a session with the children, on their own potentially, so they can express their wish and get support from the mediator to heel safe telling their parents.

If he agree to 50/50 he could claim CB for one at least and UC accordingly. He might be able to get a council home.

Mediation is about them seeing the reality of the situation for both and consider the children's needs first. Hop fully they'll agree to a compromise that suits everyone.

Going to court is likely to result in 50/50 unless the children express a clear preference.