Financial settlement in divorce

[Bluebeanbag]

I'll try to keep it brief whilst not drip feeding.

Relationship with my ex lasted 18 years. Married for 13 years. Two DC, 11 and 15. History of ex being emotionally and psychologically abusive for the entirety of the relationship. Finally separated July 2022 but was forced to continue living with him until the house was sold. During that time the abuse escalated and he put me under huge pressure to agree to all his financial demands regarding the split.

We are in the process of finalising Consent Order and D81 before lodging at Court. House was sold in May 2023 and we have both now bought our own properties. I was forced to agree to the terms of the financial settlement despite my solicitor's advice because he said he would refuse to sell the house. Financial settlement is grossly weighted in his favour: he has 60% of the house proceeds, his pension pot is significantly larger than mine, CM payments have been reduced to 0 due to him now not working (is claiming some kind of benefit), he has the DC staying with him 1 day per week and a few extras in the school holidays.

We were waiting for him to disclose his pension figure as he had put an estimate on the first draft of the D81. Turns out to be double his estimate so on that basis my solicitor wrote to his saying we would like to renegotiate the terms as circumstances have now changed (pension pot, now not working, no CM etc).

His solicitor wrote to mine on 29th Nov saying they would not renegotiate and that they will file an application to show cause if I don't file the CO and D81 immediately. My solicitor informed me of all this 2 days ago and has now advised that I need to apply for a financial remedy and to seek Counsel's opinion as I am already bound to the agreement. They have quote a figure of between £5 and £10k for this. I am ready to throw in the towel because any amount I could potentially secure will likely be offset by the costs of pursuing it. Equally I feel sick that he has manipulated his way out of it again and is financially abandoning his kids because he wants to get back at me. I would appreciate any thoughts.

I am sorry you are going through this, it must be very hard on you all. Personally, I would rather just get on with your new life as you could be looking at another year or so of ongoing discussions/Court appearances etc., but depends how much you need the extra money.

Why didn’t you go to court in the first place? I’m amazed your solicitor advised you to settle without getting a barrister involved. I do think your settlement looks one sided. However if you don’t want to pay the costs of court because it’s not worth it, what sums of money are you talking about? I would have thought a pension was worth it in the long run. I would also ask about what should happen if ex has hidden assets. Not sure your solicitor gave you the best advice.

It will be going to court but hasn't reached that stage yet, which is why I don't really understand why this agreement already seems to be binding. I was under the impression from my solicitor that this was all very much still a work in progress.

@Mindymomo I am very tempted to just get on with my life but he pays nothing for our DC and I feel that is so unfair on them. That's the only thing making me feel like I should fight for something, but if it's not going to be worth it then I'll happily walk away.

@TizerorFizz his total capital is around £690k. Mine is £440k. This includes pensions and proceeds from house sale. I imagine he also has hidden assets given what I know of his ongoing behaviour.

The solicitor or barrister can ask for a forensic search for additional financial assets. I really am not sure at what stage your financial settlement is as you have sold up and both acquired new homes. Others might know if going to court is possible now but if the financial disclosure was not truthful, I believe it’s open to challenge in court. Therefore I’m assuming your solicitor is looking at the settlement being challenged because it was based on false info.

There are a lot of things missing in your post about income and needs.

As you do say, he is not working. Why is that and if he did work what would he earn compared to you? This is going to be the biggest determinant behind how the equity was split. Because you have bundled assets together it’s difficult to see what the balance of equity and pension savings are.

How material is the undervaluation of his pension pot. There is a huge difference between declaring 50k when it is 100k and declaring 500k when it is 1m.

No matter what you do the CMS figure isn’t going to change. If the material benefit is a few tens of thousands and the cost (with forensic accountant) is at least 10k you are right to question whether it is worth it.

Whether you are emotionally better off is another question that only you can answer. Winning this might be a huge boost to your self esteem. Fighting might be dispiriting and draining.

@LemonTT to try and answer some of those questions:

With regard to his working status - all I know is he said that he was 'being signed off' by his GP and is now claiming state benefits (as confirmed by the CMS). I know that he has recently been diagnosed with arthritis and was told that he would need to take a less manual job than his previous one. He was earning £3k+ per month (take home) but as soon as we separated he reduced his hours to almost zero (he is self-employed). I take home about £2k per month.

His original estimated pension value was £80k but the confirmed value is £180k.

As you say, I imagine that the material benefit will be tens of thousands and therefore probably not worth it.

He was still earning £3k+ after the arthitis diagnosis and actually took on a job with more manual labour following that.