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Original poster

Not asking for permission?

34 replies

NightTimeRain · 10/12/2023 11:16

My ex doesn’t see our children, I would like to move and was looking into it to be told by people if he has PR which he does even though he doesn’t see them and hasn’t properly for years I would need his permission to move? (Not abroad) surely l don’t need to seek his permission for this and it wouldn’t affect any contact time given he isn’t involved? Also apparently need permission to change school even though he knows nothing about them and has never been to their schools and my oldest is secondary school age! Totally get needing permission to move abroad. Aibu not asking for permission from someone I have no contact with and doesn’t see our children?

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 10/12/2023 11:17

I could be wrong but I don't think you need permission to move unless abroad. How far would you be moving?

WhateverMate · 10/12/2023 11:18

YANBU but is it going to cause you any problems?

I mean presumably he'd have to take you to court (if he's even aware you need his permission), and if he can't be arsed with his DC I can't see him being arsed with that.

But do you have to show permission to the school? I don't know how that bit works?

SutWytTi · 10/12/2023 11:19

He could seek to oppose it through the courts but with no track record of involvement he would struggle.

How many miles are you seeking to move?

SutWytTi · 10/12/2023 11:20

But do you have to show permission to the school? I don't know how that bit works? No. One parent can register.

Toooldtoworry · 10/12/2023 11:21

Unfortunately you may end up with your child being party to a prohibitive steps order. I'd get legal advice before you try and move just to be safe.

WhateverMate · 10/12/2023 11:21

Whereabouts are you in the UK?

Google is a bit sketchy but it seems to be saying you don't need permission if you're in England or Wales?

salamirose · 10/12/2023 11:21

I'd just do it all by the book. Let him take you to court if he really wants but if he doesn't even see them I doubt he'd be arsed and probably be pleased he won't risk bumping into you. He sounds like a useless father anyway so he's not going to worry if you moved.

Original poster
NightTimeRain · 10/12/2023 11:22

In England, no I’ve never needed permission from any school my children are in primary and secondary. I’ve told them he isn’t involved. Looking to move around 2 hours away from where I am now.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 10/12/2023 11:25

I’m surprised by these responses, why would you require permission to move house?? Even if he had court ordered access you’d still be allowed to move house without his ‘permission’.

TheBeatles · 10/12/2023 11:25

salamirose · 10/12/2023 11:21

I'd just do it all by the book. Let him take you to court if he really wants but if he doesn't even see them I doubt he'd be arsed and probably be pleased he won't risk bumping into you. He sounds like a useless father anyway so he's not going to worry if you moved.

Exactly this. It’s ridiculous of course but it was obviously set down with children’s best interests in mind.

My friend’s ex refused to give permission for them to get passports. Simply as a control thing, he was not worried about her moving abroad. She took him to court and the judge granted permission immediately (the ex didn’t even show up!) She was not in any way an abduction risk, she just wanted to take her children on their first international holiday 🤷‍♀️

TheBeatles · 10/12/2023 11:26

TeaKitten · 10/12/2023 11:25

I’m surprised by these responses, why would you require permission to move house?? Even if he had court ordered access you’d still be allowed to move house without his ‘permission’.

I think people are more referring to moving to a different area. Obviously you don’t require permission to simply move 20 minutes down the road.

SutWytTi · 10/12/2023 11:28

Toooldtoworry · 10/12/2023 11:21

Unfortunately you may end up with your child being party to a prohibitive steps order. I'd get legal advice before you try and move just to be safe.

Not if he doesn't see them now.

Why would he be granted this?

TeaKitten · 10/12/2023 11:28

TheBeatles · 10/12/2023 11:26

I think people are more referring to moving to a different area. Obviously you don’t require permission to simply move 20 minutes down the road.

Show quote history

You don’t require permission anyway. He can go for a prohibitive steps order if he doesn’t agree, but she doesn’t need to ask permission in the first instance.

PoisonMaple · 10/12/2023 11:28

SutWytTi · 10/12/2023 11:19

He could seek to oppose it through the courts but with no track record of involvement he would struggle.

How many miles are you seeking to move?

Why do people give such misinformed advice!? It's beyond ridiculous.

Yes, he can oppose the move, especially if it's a fair distance away.

No, he does not need regular contact to oppose. He has PR, meaning he has legal rights. He can file a C100 application in court, Prohibited Steps Order/Specific Issue Order - read up on these.

Contact a law firm, and get a letter written to him through the firm, stating what you're intending to do. Give a timeframe for a response, and then, depending on what and if he responds with, move. He can STILL oppose, though. At any time. He can demand contact, etc, through the courts.

Other posters, unless you're a family law solicitor, stop giving advice that is incorrect. It could really alter the course of a person's life.

Equally, the person looking for said advice, stop looking on the Internet and speak to a professional.

TeaKitten · 10/12/2023 11:30

PoisonMaple · 10/12/2023 11:28

Why do people give such misinformed advice!? It's beyond ridiculous.

Yes, he can oppose the move, especially if it's a fair distance away.

No, he does not need regular contact to oppose. He has PR, meaning he has legal rights. He can file a C100 application in court, Prohibited Steps Order/Specific Issue Order - read up on these.

Contact a law firm, and get a letter written to him through the firm, stating what you're intending to do. Give a timeframe for a response, and then, depending on what and if he responds with, move. He can STILL oppose, though. At any time. He can demand contact, etc, through the courts.

Other posters, unless you're a family law solicitor, stop giving advice that is incorrect. It could really alter the course of a person's life.

Equally, the person looking for said advice, stop looking on the Internet and speak to a professional.

Show quote history

Other posters, unless you're a family law solicitor, stop giving advice that is incorrect. It could really alter the course of a person's life.

Oh sod off. This isn’t a legal website, OP has asked for advice on an open forum. Not even if the legal section. You don’t get to decide who can and cannot post.

Original poster
NightTimeRain · 10/12/2023 11:31

I would personally not like to contact him he hasn’t bothered with the children for years and they don’t know him. So if we moved and settled somewhere I can’t see anyone ordering us back when my children don’t even know him?

OP posts:
Fiddlersgreen · 10/12/2023 11:33

Well I’ve moved house 3 times in the 15 years since my ex saw our children.
One of those included a school move.

He is on the birth certificate so does have PR but as I said, hasn’t been in touch for 15 years, kids are now 17 and 19.
I’ve never gotten permission or been told I needed permission.
i am aware that if he found out we moved, he could have tried to protest it but as he’s not involved, I don’t think he would have gotten anywhere with it

PoisonMaple · 10/12/2023 11:34

NightTimeRain · 10/12/2023 11:31

I would personally not like to contact him he hasn’t bothered with the children for years and they don’t know him. So if we moved and settled somewhere I can’t see anyone ordering us back when my children don’t even know him?

If I had £1 for every client that's ever had this view. And based on your thoughts, you have nothing to worry about then.

Crack on and move.

TheBeatles · 10/12/2023 11:34

I fail to see how telling someone to do everything by the book is “misinformed legal advice” 🤷‍♀️ Frankly I think abiding by the law is good advice in all areas of life. The onus is on the individual to seek professional legal advice to determine what the law actually is.

TeaKitten · 10/12/2023 11:35

NightTimeRain · 10/12/2023 11:31

I would personally not like to contact him he hasn’t bothered with the children for years and they don’t know him. So if we moved and settled somewhere I can’t see anyone ordering us back when my children don’t even know him?

I agree OP. Contacting him through a solicitor asking for ‘permission’ that you don’t 100% need is just asking for trouble if you don’t think he will care anyway. It might just provoke him into a response for the sake of it. If you thought he was likely to kick up a fuss then maybe I’d advise differently. Get legal advice if you want it obviously, but being realistic about it is he going to care?

TeaKitten · 10/12/2023 11:37

PoisonMaple · 10/12/2023 11:34

If I had £1 for every client that's ever had this view. And based on your thoughts, you have nothing to worry about then.

Crack on and move.

Show quote history

It’s really disingenuous to suggest OP would be ordered to move back to her original area when the guy has no interest in his kids, and doesn’t want to see them. Why would a court force her to move? If she does choose to seek legal advice hopefully she doesn’t end up with someone like you.

SutWytTi · 10/12/2023 11:39

PoisonMaple · 10/12/2023 11:28

Why do people give such misinformed advice!? It's beyond ridiculous.

Yes, he can oppose the move, especially if it's a fair distance away.

No, he does not need regular contact to oppose. He has PR, meaning he has legal rights. He can file a C100 application in court, Prohibited Steps Order/Specific Issue Order - read up on these.

Contact a law firm, and get a letter written to him through the firm, stating what you're intending to do. Give a timeframe for a response, and then, depending on what and if he responds with, move. He can STILL oppose, though. At any time. He can demand contact, etc, through the courts.

Other posters, unless you're a family law solicitor, stop giving advice that is incorrect. It could really alter the course of a person's life.

Equally, the person looking for said advice, stop looking on the Internet and speak to a professional.

Show quote history

It's not misinformed advice though is it - he could seek to block it, his lack of contact would make it difficult to evidence the move would damage their relationship.

Getting legal advice is always a good idea.

squeekychicken · 10/12/2023 11:39

If he doesn't have contact with your children then I'd move and not say anything. Delete his number from your phone and say you don't know how to contact him (if anyone ever asked).

SuspiciousSue · 10/12/2023 11:54

I have a child from my first marriage who my ex wasn’t bothered about. He didn’t notice we’d moved for three years, that’s how involved he was 🙄 He hadn’t seen our child for 1.5 years before the move and we were gone 3 years before he deigned to get in touch. I’d never changed my phone number or socials, he just couldn’t be arsed. His loss really. Just move.

Original poster
NightTimeRain · 10/12/2023 11:57

Thanks all, the thing I worry about “doing it by the book” and contacting him is that he will suddenly decide he wants contact when we are moving, see them for a few months then decide actually he can’t be bothered like he’s done ever since we split. He’s been out for a long time now and knows nothing about them so I don’t really want to waste any time with him playing games. I want to move before my other children start secondary school.

OP posts: