10 years after Social services involved what now?

[user1471475134]

So 10 years ago when pregnant childrens social care got involved due my dc dad. He had a history of violence and mental health issues and drug use, due to childhood trauma.

They put my unborn baby onto child protection (for potential future neglect) and then did a PLO 2 weeks after birth and said dad isn't allowed any unsupervised contact, supervision needed to be professional or they would take it to court for removal. Obviously I have stuck to this and so for the last 10 years I have raised dc myself with no involvement from dad. There was no supervised contact centre that would take us for a long term arrangement, therefore just no contact.

Dc is now very curious, and doesn't understand why they have no dad, I was never told what to say/do when dc got older.

Now as dc is getting older they will soon be at secondary school and have freedom and a phone, I think it is likely dc will seek out dad, what do I do? Will dc actually go into care if they manage to do this behind my back? Social services just said if they have contact I would be neglecting dc but this was 10 years ago and dc was a baby so obviously it would be my fault back then, but when older is it still?

If dad has changed does he go to social services or court to seek contact? Ideally I want them to know each other and stop my dc being so upset about this, I am thinking of checking in with the dad and seeing if he has turned his life around but what would we do if he has changed? Who decides? I have had messages over the years asking about DC which I have always ignored and blocked.

I have so much anxiety over this situation, I don't know who to get advice from?

I think a lot will depend on the issues their father had, whether they pose the same risk to a secondary age child as it would have done to a baby/toddler/young child, and what has happened in his life since that point.

Do you still have a poc with Social Services?

Are you still open with Social Services? Did the PLO ever actually go to any kind of order? AFIK, if there is no current Social Services involment or court order, then there is nothing technically stopping the contact. But, you need to be careful. What you should be doing is contacting Social Services and discussing it with them. They would probably want to do another assessment on dad to see what he is up to.

I also think you need to be realistic with your expectations. It's been ten years. If their dad really wanted to turn his life around and have contact with his child, he could have sorted this shit out and then gone to court for contact within that time. But he has not. Which IMO speaks volumes.

Tell your child the truth. Their dad had problems which meant he couldn't take care of his child and wasn't safe to be around without someone else there too.

The advice they gave you ten years ago doesn’t necessarily still stand; it all depends on the dads current situation and what he’s been doing for the last 10 years. People can change although people can also lie very convincingly that they’ve changed when they haven’t.
I’d get in touch with him but before you allow any contact have proof about the change - Clare’s law for a start.
Also tell your DS the truth; his dad had problems in the last and wasn’t always very nice to people and social workers were so worried they didn’t think him seeing his dad was a good idea unless supervised

Contact social services and ask them - get it in writing what they advise you to do and go from there.

its one do those situations where you should do nothing till they tell you how to proceed to protect yourself and your son

best of luck

I wouldn’t do anything till SA have given the go ahead. Initiating contact could be viewed negatively by them . I really think OP needs to first and foremost get professional advice direct from SS

SS not SA

Curlywurlycaz2 -No I haven't had any contact with SS since DC was about 9 months old. We had the PLO which was a room with me, social worker and their solicitor and we agreed i wouldn't allow unsupervised contact. After that child protection was dropped and then they left. I did go to court to get a residence order though, to make sure the police could help if I ever needed it.

I think your right, some kids made fun of DC about having no dad, DC was so upset and I just so wish I could fix this but if dad hasn't gone to court in 10 years he can't have changed can he, he was very troubled, part of it was he manipulated me, I tried desperately to "fix him" but its on him not me.

Rjahdhdvd that is pretty much exactly what I have said so I'm glad you all agree it's right it's so difficult to know the right thing.

Cleaningmyself thank you, I will be brave and contact SS at some point and get advice for when DC is older incase they seek out dad. I certainly would never allow contact between them myself without an order.

Thank you all, I haven't told anyone any of this before, it's like letting out a dark secret.