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Original poster

Divorce where only one party owns home

97 replies

Tearingmyhairout82 · 08/12/2023 15:39

DB bought a house in 2017 for him and SIL to live in. The house is in his name and he pays the mortgage. DB and SIL married in 2019 and separated in Jan 23. They have two DS, 9 and 5. SIL stays in the home currently and has a charge against the property. DB initially wanted her out and didn't see why he should have to give her anything, SIL wanted to stay in the house till DS2 turned 18. DB has now offered SIL 20% of the increased value of the home since it was purchased (about £20,000) and SIL is still adamant that she should live there till DS2 is 18 as she is self employed and doesn't think she will be able to buy a house in the area they currently live.

I suspect they are both being unreasonable. DB can't afford anything, buy or rent, while he is paying the mortgage on his house and I doubt SIL could buy on her own with only £20,000 for a deposit.

They have reached a stalemate. DB currently lives with me and my nephews stay 4 nights in 14. Its not sustainable and I am tearing my hair out as neither will come to compromise and there is no end in sight to my current living situation.

Looking for advice/opinions from other people who have been in either DB or SIL situation. What agreement did you come to? Any solicitors out there who can give me an idea of what DB needs to offer in order to break the stalemate without crippling himself?

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 09/12/2023 18:11

@Enko Many men work hours that aren’t compatible with looking after children. It’s simply a fact and recognised by courts. It’s not saying they don’t love them. It’s practicalities. Of course some women don’t have parental responsibility. It’s absolutely not necessary to have 50/50 and then think anything else is not showing love and care. It’s not depressing either.

Enko · 09/12/2023 18:50

@TizerorFizz. Read the replies on here.

Where does your brother thinks his two children are going to live if he boots his wife out..

Is your brother using a layyer?Remind your brother that it's better that money goes to the ex and children than solicitor and barristers

Why should his wife find somewhere to rent?

And wrap around child care exist many parents male and female use them. You will notice I also said they are both unreasonable.

However the fact she is the mother doesn't equal she is better able to look after the children. As an adult she has equal responsibility to house her children she wants her x to fund this 100% (She can't afford the mortgage and he clearly can't afford to do double or he would not be living with his sister)

Him using money on a solicitor is imo well spent he already realised he has to offer her something. What is her offer? Imo that IS looking after his children better than mum is.

Clar45 · 09/12/2023 18:55

Surely it’s 50/50???? WTH,did he not realise that when they married??

Original poster
Tearingmyhairout82 · 09/12/2023 19:01

Clar45 · 09/12/2023 18:55

Surely it’s 50/50???? WTH,did he not realise that when they married??

I don't really know. He inherited money that meant he could buy a home, and he bought it on his own mainly because he could buy solo. They weren't married and it's always been a bit of a rocky relationship (side note I do wonder if a woman buying a house on her own for her, DH and the kids to live in in order to protect her money and ensure she would always have a home for her children would be looked upon very favorably on here. But a man doing this is trying to cheat his children and wife).

But yes I do see he will need to give her something, no doubt more than he wants.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tearingmyhairout82 · 09/12/2023 19:03

Also, and I am being petty here, she is not a saint. She is happy to go 50/50 as she wants her free time and has openly said that she is looking forward to the kids being older so she can 'get her life back'. And she introduced her boyfriend to the kids two months after their dad moved out.

I have had a glass of wine and am feeling salty. It's fucking mayhem here.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 09/12/2023 19:14

rwalker · 09/12/2023 11:12

Short marriage and 50/50
he’d be better selling house then they both have to look for somewhere to live wether that’s rented or buying
Take his initial deposit off and split the rest 50/50
you brother can’t pay a mortgage and rent somewhere whilst she lives rent free for 18 years

Totally incorrect advice.

The full length of relationship will be counted
She is more likely to get 60/40 of all assets including the house.

TizerorFizz · 09/12/2023 19:15

I guess your brother wants his life back too and has left.

@Enko The equal responsibility is getting 50% of the family home. They do not have to have equal responsibility with dc regarding parenting unless they want it. Many many parents cannot do 50/50 and agreements in court clearly demonstrate this. Money only goes so far and equity in a house split two ways often is not enough so there has to be compromise. It’s inevitable.

Clar45 · 09/12/2023 19:35

Tearingmyhairout82 · 09/12/2023 19:01

I don't really know. He inherited money that meant he could buy a home, and he bought it on his own mainly because he could buy solo. They weren't married and it's always been a bit of a rocky relationship (side note I do wonder if a woman buying a house on her own for her, DH and the kids to live in in order to protect her money and ensure she would always have a home for her children would be looked upon very favorably on here. But a man doing this is trying to cheat his children and wife).

But yes I do see he will need to give her something, no doubt more than he wants.

Show quote history

I know women in this position and is the primary reason they have decided not to marry their new partner as they don’t want to risk. That’s surely what you sign up to when you get married, that everything you both own or come into fortune with belongs to you jointly?

Windmill34 · 09/12/2023 19:41

I think DB should move back in , why has she been allowed to have her BF stay over on a house your DB is paying the mortgage
I too would be pissed off

If he moves back in (tell her he can’t stay at yours any longer)
Was he does go back, he tells her NO boyfriend comes round to the house.
It may get them both talking and find a solution

what about getting house valued,
he gets his deposit back
from the remaining, take of outstanding mortgage
then divide 50-50
Surely she would be entitled to UC benefit

Although thinking about how easy she has it now she’s hardly going to say yes
rent free for next xxxx years, meanwhile house prices may go up
boyfriend staying over

Enko · 09/12/2023 20:03

TizerorFizz · 09/12/2023 19:15

I guess your brother wants his life back too and has left.

@Enko The equal responsibility is getting 50% of the family home. They do not have to have equal responsibility with dc regarding parenting unless they want it. Many many parents cannot do 50/50 and agreements in court clearly demonstrate this. Money only goes so far and equity in a house split two ways often is not enough so there has to be compromise. It’s inevitable.

Where in ops posts have you seen the x do any compromising?

This is what I find so depressing. Simply because she is a woman she doesn't automatically retain the right to live in the home. (Nor does he because he is the man).

In this case I suspect the reality is they will both end up in rented accommodation. Him living in a single room is not sustainable.

TizerorFizz · 09/12/2023 20:39

?What is the X? You mean the wife? She will have to. This divorce has only just started.

I’ve suggested they compromise and the house is sold. It’s likely both won’t afford homes to buy but she’s the lower earner, so potentially her and dc are vulnerable. Her new boyfriend might earn well of course but there’s insufficient money in the house for them both to get what they want.

Enko · 10/12/2023 00:49

TizerorFizz · 09/12/2023 20:39

?What is the X? You mean the wife? She will have to. This divorce has only just started.

I’ve suggested they compromise and the house is sold. It’s likely both won’t afford homes to buy but she’s the lower earner, so potentially her and dc are vulnerable. Her new boyfriend might earn well of course but there’s insufficient money in the house for them both to get what they want.

If you had read my initial post you would have seen I suggested just this. That he offers her half the equity.

My issue and depression comment was with regards to the posters who assume because she is the female she has more right to children and home and is better able than he is as a male. I disagree there. Thankfully as the post has carried on others have said more even posts.

TizerorFizz · 10/12/2023 08:09

@Enko If you had read any of mine, you would have seen exactly the same. The house is an asset. She might get more than 50:50 but who is the resident parent might depend on a number of things but in reality, it’s usually mums. That’s just the way the majority work out responsibilities post divorce and dc are with their mum right now. So she’s likely to continue with that arrangement,

Enko · 10/12/2023 08:37

@TizerorFizz I've read all your posts . I stand by my original comment that it is depressing to see posters assume the mothe somehow as entitlement that the father.doesnt.

CombatBarbie · 10/12/2023 09:46

She can call the police all she wants, as long as theirs no violence etc, it's his house too. He has every right to move back in, just in the same way it's banged out on here to never leave the marital home.

She can't have it both ways.

CombatBarbie · 10/12/2023 09:47

Also are yous in England because Scotland has different rules....

TizerorFizz · 10/12/2023 11:22

I don’t see it as entitlement. It’s what each party can expect when there are children to consider and who is going to be the resident parent. Assets will probably be 50:50. I don’t see that as entitlement by the wife either. It’s pretty straightforward. .

rwalker · 10/12/2023 19:26

TizerorFizz · 10/12/2023 11:22

I don’t see it as entitlement. It’s what each party can expect when there are children to consider and who is going to be the resident parent. Assets will probably be 50:50. I don’t see that as entitlement by the wife either. It’s pretty straightforward. .

Think it’s just a shame for OP brother that she didn’t shag someone else before he got his inheritance

he in the last few years received an inheritance nothing to do with her then his wife shags someone and fucks off with potentially 1/2 of it

TizerorFizz · 10/12/2023 20:18

If there’s only £140,000 total equity he’s had to get a mortgage. So he’s spent money to house his family but didn’t ring fence it or agree a pre nup. Not that they are binding but do show what the parties wanted in the event of divorcing. He just put the house in his name and presumably thought this was good enough.

Do we know what his track record is on other women? Don’t think we do. He could be a serial cheat for all we know!

Original poster
Tearingmyhairout82 · 10/12/2023 20:28

He is not a serial cheat (not to my knowledge anyways) and to be fair to her I don't think she cheated either. The boyfriend was on the seen very quickly, but a friend had told DB he had spotted her on Tinder just after the split. So I don't think it was an overlap.

I think if they had already been married he would have ring fenced the deposit. Didn't occur to him to do anything when they got married as I think he assumed they wouldn't be divorcing three years later.

OP posts:
Ardith · 10/12/2023 21:13

SheilaFentiman · 08/12/2023 16:54

Ah, OK. I know that anyone (creepily!) can registered to be told if a property changes hands, I didn't realise it was possible to register a right to live somewhere without consent of the LR owner.

Show quote history

Amazing how few people on this thread understand what marriage is, legally.

Any spouse can register their spousal right (aka ‘charge’) to live in the spousal home and, if they do, then it can’t be mortgaged or sold without notice to them. That applies even where the home is not in their name and they paid nothing towards it. This was created back in the days when it was standard for all matrimonial property to be in the husband’s name, and it prevented the husband selling the house without telling his wife and kids, or remortgaging it and running off with his mistress and all the money, etc.

If you are married and do not own the home you live in then I encourage you to register a charge at the Land Registry to protect your legal rights.

madaboutmad · 11/12/2023 22:32

DivorcedDiva · 08/12/2023 17:28

I know they have only been married for 4 years...but if they have a 9 year old then their relationship is at least 10 years and your DB bought whilst they were together and had children. I wonder if this would impact on how the courts would see the equity split and be more inclined to 50/50 as when I was getting divorced I was asked how long the relationship was prior to divorce and my ex got half of assets earned prior to being with them.

Case law certainly suggests it does. The cohabitation period is added to marriage years and so the DB would seem to have been in a long marriage.

OP he is going to drop £30-50k arguing this if he’s not careful. He owes her half the house, possibly more, he needs to get a grip and speak to a lawyer.

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