Can I contest a D50k (application for enforcement)?

[Rae80]

My ex has issued me with a D50k which I want to contest as it means I have to declare all my finances to him AND it's added toxicity to our kids.

We have just been through a toxic 3 year divorce which has been heavy on all of us, especially our kids who have been damaged with this. Primarily it took so long due to our complex financial situation (and covid of course). We share 3 kids 50/50 but my wage is SIGNIFICANTLY higher than his (of which he has completely used against me and made unfair demands despite the fact that I have always paid for everything throughout our marriage and enabled him to be supported in every career move and/ or being a stay at home dad for a while). My high salary has definitely been a cause for resentment, I have tried to keep things fair but he's not happy unless I continue paying for his luxury lifestyle - yes, we were married and had kids, but it didn't work and is it too much to ask to be financially severed from him? We have a massively toxic relationship, we literally just don't talk (only via email) which is hard with 50/50 child care! The divorce was finally completed - he was awarded 80% of all our assets as well as me having to pay a monthly global maintenance. While I would much rather have been able to draw a line under my financial obligations to him, I absolutely accept the courts decision and was just happy it was all over and we could start rebuilding our lives.

The family home was in my name so court ordered him to make arrangements to take over the mortgage by September. He also had a sum of money that he had to pay me by a specific date (all clearly defined in the order), if he was late with arranging mortgage or paying back my money then he would have to repay my losses as well as 8% interest rate. Of course, he held on to my money longer than allowed despite me reminding him that late payment would accrue interest, and he delayed arranging the mortgage (he was bitter that he needs to start paying mortgage when I've been paying it this whole time). I knew that he wouldn't repay me for my additional mortgage payments and he even denied owing me interest despite me clearly highlighting this in the order. I knew that I would need to take him to court if I wanted him to comply with the order, of which I'm just too exhausted AND I had told the kids that the divorce is over as wanted to give them hope that things would improve. So I offered for him to either pay me what he owes or I will simply withhold my payments to him until the debt is repaid, clearly stating that I am absolutely willing to pay the global maintenance, but that I'm withholding it to repay my additional payments and losses, then I will pay him each month as stated in the order. I was clearly communicating everything via email so have all the evidence to show that I was trying to fairly resolve the issue.

Now I'm finally in the process of buying a house for myself, which is a crazy sized mortgage because we live near London, I need enough bedrooms for my kids as well and I'm now 50yo so less flexibility with a mortgage, also I have very little savings after the depletion from a long divorce and him having 80% of everything. However, I am on a good wage so am lucky I can afford the crazy sized mortgage, it doesn't leave me very affluent after paying £thousands every month but I can definitely make it work now that I'm not paying for his lifestyle too.

Now he's applied for a child maintenance tribunal to try get more money from me each month, but also this D50k whereby they are asking me to declare all my finances to him and attend a court hearing. He has clearly made no reference to the money he owes me, just the missed global maintenance payments, so seems massively unfair that we need to go through all this again just because he's not accepted my reason for withheld payments. I don't want him to know my exact finances again as am sure it will fuel his resentment and he'll bad mouth me to the kids again, which is obviously SO damaging!

Can I argue this and avoid putting us all through it again? Like I said, I have the evidence to show I offered him to pay me or I would withhold payments to this sum.

Can he really keep dragging me through court and have the power to see my finances each time he does? The decree absolute was done but I just can't see him ever letting go of this pursuit for more money.

What does your solicitor advise about this situation?

Hi FlemishHorse

I do not currently have a solicitor. I have used solicitors previously but unfortunately not found them particularly helpful in my case for the cost that I spent. I would use a solicitor again (especially as this would hopefully be less complex than my 3 year divorce) but am ambivalent due to my previous experience. As much as I am indeed on a good wage, I have been paying for his mortgage, plus my rent, plus all the kids costs, plus normal bills etc, so over the last 3 years I have not had much excess funds to continue with a solicitor. I am now about to start paying an excessively high mortgage from end of Dec, so again, will not have affluent funds to spend out on solicitors if they are not successfully saving me money.

I was hoping I could get some advice from here prior to deciding on what to do next. It's worth mentioning that I do feel there has been some additional hindrances due to my high wage. People see a big salary and just assume I have excess funds, however, after I get stung for high tax and for the last 3 years I have been paying for 2 properties plus kids costs, means there's not a lot left and I can't get any additional support as people only see the big wage. I'm extremely grateful and blessed to be in this privileged position, but am struggling to get on with my life due to his ongoing demand for more and more money, I'm genuinely exhausted.

You're not contesting the D50k, you are simply informing the court of what you have said here.

The global maintenance is not unpaid, it's being used to pay his debt to you and once that is paid, payments will resume.

You're not saving money by not using a solicitor - though I do question why he got 80% of the assets if childcare is 50/50.

Hi JustAnotherLawyer2

Thanks for your response. Are you a lawyer? If so, I'd really appreciate your advise for how best to inform the court of what I have said here. Is there something I can do to avoid this whole process? As I said, I REALLY don't want to share my intimate financial situation with him again and can't see why I should, we are divorced now so should be none of his business what my finances look like! The only thing I can think of is to attend the hearing and say it all there, but they want me to submit my finances to them and him prior to the hearing, therefore I was going to request that this E1 form not be shared with him - but I think the law changed recently and he gets access to the finance info just for submitting a D50k.

If anyone can think of any other options for not sharing my finances with him (and ideally avoiding this whole hearing as well) then these would be gratefully received.

Not really sure what you meant by "You're not saving money by not using a solicitor - though I do question why he got 80% of the assets if childcare is 50/50"... I probably shouldn't have used the term 'saving money', I just meant they are costly and my experience of using them got me very limited results when I did, I simply couldn't afford to use solicitors throughout the whole 3 years. And the rationale for him getting 80% assets was due to mortgage capacity (not based on percentage of childcare at all, solely down to both of us having access to properties that enables kids to continue their current lifestyles). As I said, my wage enables me to enter into a mortgage with higher monthly costs, whereas his wage would not enable this. Like I said, the finances were complex and I think the it was a fair decision for him to have 80% assets to enable him to have provisions to be comfortable and not in financial stress! Just upset that I'm trying to get life back on track after a horrific and unsettled 3 years, yet he just keeps coming at me for more money and always uses manipulative means to do it, I just want to stop having to fight him and find some security again in my life.