Family law, seperating with baby & horrendous in laws

[polosmum26]

Hi,

My partner has left me. It has become very messy and quite frankly not very nice.

I have had arguments with his family, who have accused me of neglect and what I would consider child abuse (they say I get drunk and leave my child crying in the corner) categorically not true, but so very damaging! They have also taken it upon themselves to cause trouble by going around our neighbours and friends doors to try and tell their side of the story, to make people fall out with me and turn against me. I don’t like that they shout and swear in front of my exs nieces and I don’t like the way they speak to one another, even calling the youngest who is 5 names (they will say it’s a joke etc but it’s so inappropriate) this allows these children to have zero respect for adults and are not disciplined whatsoever.

I am the main care giver, my son is 8 months old he stays with me full time. His dad will not take him overnight as he is staying at his dads, he claims the house is too cold and dusty. He does not pay me maintenance but has said he is going to start after contacting CMS.

Since we separated a mere 6 weeks ago, my ex has seen my child in our home the majority of the time and on 4 occasions taken him to his mothers. The situation became worse over another argument (that we did not have infront of our child - we don’t argue when he is around) and he now only picks him up and takes him to his mother’s.

I believe my exs head is being filled with absolute nonsense by his side of the family, and after returning my child home last night he refused to tell me what he had eaten that day. All I needed to know was his belly was full.

After consideration of all of the above I have decided it is not in my child’s best interest to be around his side of the family, I think they are poison and will fill my child’s head with their nastiness as he gets older. I know they love my child, and I know this means my child will be away from his cousins, but at this point I feel like there is nothing else I can do. They are tormenting me!

I have told my ex that he can see my son in the house as that was the original agreement - instead of me being there I would happily leave to attend a gym class etc. And/or he can see him at a softplay/other child friendly activity and I will come back after they are finished.

His family and probably him too think I am doing this because I am obsessed with him, I can vouch that when he left I was heartbroken but after realising what he and they are all like, they actually make me sick.

He has now said he is going to a lawyer. Where do I stand with this? Am I within my rights to protect my child from his family? Am I allowed to tell my ex where he can see his child? If we don’t agree what happens?

Am I making this more difficult by not allowing my child to see his family, should I just bow down to them? Or should I stand my ground?

Ultimately they hate the ground I walk on, but I believe they should separate the person from the parent, what they think of me should not interfere with my child. But their gossiping, bitching, accusations, and negativity towards me is causing me so much stress. I want to be the best mum I can be, and with their interfering I don’t think it’s possible.

Any advice please

It is unlikely the courts would agree to allow you to dictate exactly where your ex can see your son.

The general rule is that you cannot control who your son sees whilst he is in your ex's care, and he cannot control who he sees whilst he is in your care. In order to stop your ex taking your son to see his parents, you would have to convince the court that it would be harmful to your son for this to happen. I understand your feelings, but the information you've posted is unlikely to be enough to persuade the court. Shouting, swearing and name calling would probably be regarded as differences in parenting styles. Refusing to tell you what your son had eaten is not a big deal unless there are medical reasons you need to know. Them being nasty about you to your ex and others isn't relevant, although it may become relevant if your ex tries to alienate your child from you when he is older. At this stage, he isn't old enough to understand what they are saying about you.

At this stage, any court ordered contact is likely to be a few hours a week, but the amount of contact would be expected to increase as your son gets older.

If you disagree on anything, the courts can decide. Ultimately, it is better all round if you can agree arrangements with your ex rather than having them decided by the courts.