50/50 custody

[RFA06]

My ex of 4 years all of a sudden wants 50/50 custody.
Our son is only 6 and while he says it’s what he wants when his dad asks him, he doesn’t ask me for more time with his dad, he’s very happy and settled right now. We trialled 50/50for a period and our son became increasingly tired and irritable and stressed and his behaviour changed completely, so we stopped the full weeks and went back to 5 nights every other week with his dad.
I truly do want what’s best for my child but having trialled this for a period don’t believe it is what is best for him after seeing his behaviour change. I told him we’d try again next year when he goes to middle school.

Ex is now threatening taking me to court and has told me he’s sought legal advice.

in the early days after the split he couldn’t cope at times because of his mental health. He would let him down last minute. He smokes a lot of cannabis, has had gambling problems and has been banned from driving twice for driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Whenever he doesn’t get his way he hurls no end of abuse at me, calling me vile names and threatening to turn up at my door to argue with me and is very aggressive.
I have another child now who is 5 months old who’s father isn’t around, so the threats are obviously upsetting when I have such a young baby at home alone.

I’ve always been the one to organise every aspect of our sons life .. school pick ups and drop offs, doctors , dentist appointments, after school activities, friends birthday parties etc.
All of a sudden now he’s ready to take it on he expects me to just agree. Even tho we trialled it and in my opinion it wasn’t in the best interest of our son, he’s just very angry when he doesn’t get his own way and is now threatening legal action because he hasn’t got what he wants. He doesn’t do his school reading with him and never keeps up to date with what’s going on at school. I always have to remind him everything.
I’ve recently stopped reminding him of stuff and he now tells me I’ve pushed him out. Trying to make him see how reasonable I’ve been and how much I try to include him. I always invite him to days out and let him swap or take him extra if there is family get togethers or birthdays on his side.

do I stand any sort of chance in court to keep the agreement as it it?

Have you spoken to the school nurse for advice? I’d be wanting the ex’s past history taken into account, and someone to look at the child’s best interests,

You need a solicitor. Make sure you are documenting everything and keeping records for proof.

Does he pay CMS? My first thought was that he’s read that he doesn’t need to pay if it’s 50/50.

I would also take a big step back from him, I know you’re protecting your son, but he sounds useless at best and abusive at worst. Continue with regular contact, but you do need to instruct a solicitor on your behalf now. Get ahead of the game, and don’t tell him as he’s likely to get worse if you do.

Tell him when a judge had had him drug tested he can see ds... Let him go to court...

I was initially going to say trial it again, until I read about the drugs and alcohol. I agree with a pp, I'd let him take you to court and ask him for drugs tests etc.

Also next time you feel threatened and he turns up in your doorstep inform the police. Any judge won't take kindly to someone who has a history of this behaviour

We had an order in place that my ex said he was happy with but then within weeks of the order being made he kept threatening to making applications to vary the order if I didn't give in to 5050. He would then make applications to vary the order and then withdrawing half way through proceedings and reapplying, costing me time and money that should have been spent on my daughter. I kept everything to show how he was behaving. Despite all of this the social worker didn't care about the history, went against my daughter's (9YO) wishes, and recommended 5050. It was as though I had to show why it shouldn't go to 5050 rather than him show why it should. The judge admitted he hadn't had time to read the bundle and awarded 5050 because of the social worker. In my experience the courts just don't care. It's about parents rights, not the child's, and a court order isn't worth the paper it's written on.

The most important information in your post is about the drugs and alcohol use and the abuse towards you.
Most of the rest of your arguments - that you've done all the parenting until now, that he doesn't read with him or go to school events - won't carry much weight in court.
As pp said, it's often about proving that 50/50 won't work.

50/50 almost never benefits the child. Stability of a main home is much better.

Then add that one hoke is with an abusive druggie? I would pack up and kove and not contact him again. Who needs such a loser in their life.

Always about getting that magic 5050 so there is no maintenance to pay, but the professionals seem to be scared to say it. Maybe the courts should enforce a government parents app whereby both parents must contribute a percentage of their wages, (regardless of where child spends time at) and it can only be spent on specific items for the children such as clubs and uniforms. In the unlikely event there is anything left in the app when the child reaches 16, it goes into the childs bank account! If it's a percentage then it's relative to wages?

Older thread.