moving abroad

[yngmum]

hi mums, i have 2 year old son. i had him very young while in an abusive relationship. his dad sees him every second weekend and pays maintenance. growing up my dad was very in and out of my life and my mother is a drug addict and alcoholic, she kicked me out a few months ago due to this with my son (her grandson) i'm currently living in my grandmothers house with 13 other people meaning me nor my son have our own room or privacy. i'm not able to work due to childcare problems, since i was 12 i've been diagnosed with multiple mental health issues due to loss sa and more. my sons dad is pretty good to him, as far as i can see my son loves him, but for my mental health safety of my son i want to move out of the country, i know court will be an option but if it didn't go through would it be selfish to leave by myself and leave him with his dad. my mental health has been the lowest it's ever been and i feel like that's what is right for me but feel extremely guilty

I don’t have much good advice but I didn’t want to read and not reply.
Do you think getting some space will later make you a better mother? Give you some time to recover a bit and then be able to give your son what he needs?

Do you think there is a chance that the abuse inflicted on you by your son’s dad will also be inflicted on your boy?

is there someone in the other country who can support you? Can you go for a set amount of time then return?

sorry i should've probably explained it better, was mostly emotional abuse i think the relationship was just very toxic and both of us made mistakes.

i feel like if i did have the space i would be
i wanted to return anyway eventually
it's just a hard decision and i don't wanna regret it

It sounds like such hard decision, I wish you all the best

My heart goes out to you. Two is the hardest age to deal with especially on your own in a crowded house.

leaving a baby boy with an emotionally abusive person is a desperate option.

go and declare yourself homeless to the council, go to shelter to get advice, and go to NSPCC to get help. Dont give up see you and your boy as a unit to fight to keep he will grow and so will you

please get help

all my care

When you say ´abroad’ is there a specific place you want to go where you know you will have family support and rights to work/access to subsidized childcare etc or is this more like an elaborate fantasy of running away?
If you just want out of your current living situation, it would be much more realistic to try to move 1town over and sort out a job and nursery. Go and talk to the citizen’s advice bureau about what would be available to you and loon at making a plan to leave this overcrowded home.
A court won’t appoint you moving your son abroad unless you can show it’s in your child’s best interest.

I don't have any legal advice. But I have moved countries a couple of times and it is incredibly hard, even when it's the right decision. Why do you think it will make things better?

And no, leaving your small child with an abusive man probably isn't a good idea. But I understand you are in an incredibly difficult place.

moving abroad won't make things better for you, because as the old saying goes - everywhere you go, there you are.

Plus it's incredibly hard to move abroad.

My advice is to reach out to someone to help support you where you are.
What about Gingerbread www.gingerbread.org.uk/

or the local church?

Accept that two is one of the hardest ages and the truth is leaving your child will be very damaging to them. You may never be forgiven when they understand you left them.

Start to prioritize your mental health. Walk everyday, eat as healthy as possible and avoid drinking. Find some books to help.

They need you well. Good luck.

and go to your doctor and say you are struggling with your mental health, you're a Mother snd need support/help.

Try Mind also, give them a call and talk it through with someone

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/where-to-start/

I would argue against it, I'm sorry. You want to, with severe MH issues already, move away completely unsupported, and take a child from a father who is involved, although I understand was emotionally abusive to you. You want to move to a country with no job, no way to get one, and live how? You're already overwhelmed with a young toddler/ how will it be better 24/7 alone with them?

@yngmum I'm afraid the legal position has red flags all over it and if your ex wanted to stop you moving I think he would have a good chance in succeeding. Also, you could even open a Pandora's box about your current mental state.

To move abroad you would need 1) a very good reason (i.e. a better life for your child, such as a better job or family); 2) To be able to show how the other parent will be able to maintain a relationship with their child.

Unfortunately it sounds like you have neither and a court case could become extremely unpleasant for you. You may find your mental state being questioned, why you think it appropriate to move abroad away from your family and without a clear plan and whether you are acting in your child's best interests. It could well prompt your ex to ask for more contact time too.