The opposite of divorce!

[Cauliflowercheeses]

Not sure this is best place to post.

DP and I have decided to merge lives. I have asked him to move in with me.

We have both been through messy divorces and lost half of everything and are both now in a good position and happy together. The past has scared us both and don’t want to end up vulnerable after getting straight and independent.

Absolutely no reason to imagine we will ever break up (but then neither of us thought we would end up divorced otherwise we wouldn’t have married our exs!) We have both agreed that should we ever split we would just keep our respective houses and not go after each others homes/pensions.

i need advice please from your experiences.

We both want to protect each other and also make things simple as we grow old together.

We have a house and mortgage each. DP letting his house out and moving in with me. DP around £100k equity and I have around £200k. Should I put him on my mortgage? Should I go on his or are we better having one house each?

he has a bigger pension than me and we have both named each other as beneficiaries for death in service etc.

No savings. Very little credit card debt/car finance. I earn 2/3 what he does. We will both keep our own salaries and independent finances except for what we put equally into joint account.

We are starting a joint account and both putting equal amount in each month to cover all joint bills, my mortgage, utilities, food shop etc.

Both have adult children who don’t live with us.

We have done LPAs. What about wills? Should they be in trust so that we are each protected but our respective kids benefit on death of both.

So many questions so please tell me anything I might have missed!

Genuinely very happy and both on the same page regards fairness just don’t want to miss anything and regret it further down the line.

Thanks in advance.

Couldn't you live together in one house but not merge finances. He keeps his house and you keep yours. Otherwise you're endangering your children's inheritance.

Yeah, I know what you mean, but then I’m paying for everything and we both want to be better off and benefit from sharing. Two can live as cheaply as one and all that!

This is why I’m wondering about trust wills so that if anything happens to either of us the kids will still get their inheritance but without one of us being heartbroken and homeless.

Don’t mean fully merge finances, we’ll each keep our own salary and bank account but have a joint account for mutual holidays, food and bills, which will contribute to equally each month.

Without sounding morbid I’m more concerned about things like death and illness than splitting up, given our ages 🫣🤣

Yes, have wills. Leave property to DC or your respective relatives and give each other a life interest in the property.

Also look at a Co-habitation agreement. You need to have really tough discussions e.g. what happens if one becomes seriously unwell or disabled, what is your approach to savings, spending, holidays, long term plans for retirement etc. Much better to do it now.

You should each have your own legal advice to ensure all aspects are considered.