Can My Ex Make Me Move Back To The Uk

[Ashlee90]

Hi this is abit of a long winded story but I need some legal advice or maybe someone who’s been in a similar position.
I met my now husband, a U.S. Citizen 4 years ago. We got married in 2021 and decided we wanted to move to the USA to be closer to my husband’s children and parents. Prior to meeting my husband I had started custody proceedings against my ex husband for full custody of my 2 daughters. We previously shared custody of them but I found out he had started drinking heavily and using drugs and my daughters were being neglected whilst in his care so of course I refused to allow them to be at his house or with him unsupervised. Eventually the court’s investigated and more evidence came to light and they found him unfit to care for them, I was awarded full custody and he was allowed visitation every 2 weeks to be supervised by his father. He eventually agreed to me taking them to move abroad and we went to court and signed an agreement stating he would visit once a year which I would fund and I would make sure the girls had phones and ways to be contacted by him.
We moved in June 2022 and since then he must have called them a maximum of 10 times. His excuse is usually he’s sick or depressed or in hospital (usually from drug or alcohol abuse) I’ve tried to arrange with him at least 5 time for him to visit but he always puts it off or makes excuses or just plain doesn’t reply to me. The problem is since we’ve moved his family have all messaged me on several occasions telling me that he’s depressed and it’s because he doesn’t see his children and that I should make them call him and make the effort. His mum has told me she is helping him pay for legal action to return the children to the UK. I’ve told his family that I have tried in many occasions to arrange for him to visit and provided contact information for them but HE is the one who won’t follow through. SO my question is, if he previously gave permission and the courts signed an agreement allowing me to take them, is he able to now change his mind and order me to bring them back, even if he still isn’t allowed custody of them? My daughters are finally settled and happy with their life here, surely their best interests would be to keep them settled and with stable parents?

I don't think you will get any clear answers here, this is not straight forward. Although you have a court order with the agreement, it might for example depend how that agreement was reached (e.g. whether there was any duress). I suspect the US courts would now need to be involved as well.

So this is really a question for a legal professional with international experience and knowledge of the UK and US (+state) courts you are dealing with.

My understanding is that the courts will prioritise what’s in the girls best interests. If they are now happily settled and you as their main carer have found work, how can another move be best for them? Depending on their ages, they might also get a say.

Also, an alcoholic will ALWAYS have an excuse for why they drink and they will manipulate everyone into thinking he’s the victim. Not seeing the girls is an easy one for him to serve up time and time again. But he had a drink problem before they moved. Keep a record of his attempts to contact the girls.

It is in the best interests of the children that you ask them to contact him once a fortnight for a chat - regardless of whether he makes the phone calls.
It is in the spirit of the agreement that he has some contact.

Also, in the best interests of the children - given that he won't come and visit them, is that you take them to visit their close relatives (including Dad) in UK once every year or two. This is fair to the extended family and will keep them from thinking you are ghosting the entire family.

Your children need to always know the real people or your children could end up making up fanciful impressions of their Dad and grandparents etc. and calling you unfair. You want your children to have a realistic view of their heritage, family and situation.

I think the short answer is no, he agreed to them going, if anything if you can show that you have made every effort to comply with the court order that he visits annually and are prepared to fund it you are complying with the court order, he is actually the one in breach.

The extended family who have been in their lives do see them and have regular contact. I send pictures and updates regularly to grandparents aswell. I have tried to encourage them to contact him but the rare times he answers he’s usually high and they feel very uncomfortable talking to him. I feel exhausted always being the one chasing him, he’s never contributed to them financially, prioritised his friends and partying over them when we did live in the UK and I feel awful that my daughters have to constantly chase him. Surely he’s the parent and he should make the effort with them sometimes. Also I don’t think that a child being exposed to someone who is constantly drunk or high is in their best interests at all.

You need expert legal advice. He could argue he was under duress due to his addictions when he signed. It might not get anywhere but would be expensive.

As you have been in the US more than a year the UK court will no longer have jurisdiction. The courts of the state where you live will have jurisdiction.

I wouldn't take the threat seriously. Him being depressed is not a reason for him to have the children live with him. The (US) court cannot order you to return - only the children - and they're not going to do that.

The children are settled and you moved to the US with his full consent agreed in a court order if I have read your OP correctly. You presumably have evidence that you have tried to comply with your part of the order to enable the annual visit and for the children to speak and FaceTime their father regularly or whatever the order says. So I can reassure you that you would not be ordered to return them to the UK. Your ex would have nil chance of custody if your OP is accurate so please don’t worry. The courts act in the best interests of the children always not the parents so he would have an extremely difficult time convincing them it is in the children’s best interests to return to the UK if they are happily settled in the US and you have an agreed consent order for them to live there. Continue to keep an audit trail of the agreed calls and visitation whether they happen or not to demonstrate to the court that you have. Endeavoured to meet the terms of the order. I am sure all will be fine if your OP is a true reflection of what has happened. Good luck and enjoy your new life with the children but don’t stop trying to maintain contact with their father under the terms of the order .