I've been to trusting in divorce. Now I need so legal protection.

[Spidermama]

Ex DH and I have never argued about money. I've always said he's a really good guy and we'll always be soul mates etc etc. We'd been married for 30 years. We have four grown up children. 5 years ago we split up but stayed living together (in separate rooms) and have been roundly praised by everyone about how amicably we've dealt with this. I've had another relationship (with a woman). He's now on his second relationship since splitting and they seem very serious. Our divorce didn't involve lawyers as we've always thought we'd continue with the massive respect and love for each other we've always had since raising four children together.

But now he's like somebody else. He's weird and cut off from me and barely civil any more and I have no real idea why. It coincides with him getting serious with his partner.
Long story short - I now feel vulnerable. He's always said he'd lay no claim to my pension or inheritance and I've said the same to him. He always said when we finally sell the house (it's on the market) it can be a 65/45 split in my favour as I shelved my career which has flatlined since have children while his has soared. He now earns ten times what I earn.
So I feel I need it in writing that he won't come for my pension or my inheritance. I never thought we'd need to do it this way, but I no longer recognise this man so don't feel I can trust him.
Is there an easy and inexpensive way of getting a financial order? Or have I really blown it by getting this amicable divorce and being too trusting?

It's exactly for this reason that although I had an amicable divorce, I made sure it was all done formally with a clean break. After divorce, people will drift apart, it is inevitable and your ex's new partner is bound to accelerate that. A clean break consent order can keep things amicable, because the divorce is done and dusted once and for all.

At this stage you don't know what he is likely to ask for but you might well find he continues to respect the decisions you reached. Tell him that as you have new partners, it would be sensible to get things finalised in a consent order and if you are both still in agreement a solicitor should be able to write this up for both of you.

Thanks FSTraining. I think he'll agree to a financial order if I catch him in a decent mood. Those are rarer these days.
So if he'll stick to his vocal agreement, what's the most affordable way to get this wrapped up or is it always extremely expensive?

Cheapest option is probably share a solicitor, tell them what you want in a consent order, they write it up, you submit it to the court yourself, it gets signed off. Shouldn't be mega expensive if you agree on everything but might be a small four figure sum.

Sorry, that's the cheapest way to do it well. You can do it cheaper but that carries the risk of doing it without a solicitor and doing it wrong.

@FSTraining

I didn't think you could have the same solicitor?

Normally you wouldn't no, but it depends what you are doing. If you're going to a solicitor and saying this is what we want, write it up it is possible to do this.

The conflicts of interest mean some solicitors won't do it and I generally wouldn't recommend it 99% of the time. However, your case sounds like the 1%. Some mediators who are also solicitors will do this step for you.

OP is already divorced, I think ,they just never did the financial consent order?

FCO can cost as little as £280 with wikivorce, if you cooperate. But it's very slow. Get doing the paperwork now.

If he’s getting more agitated and difficult, I would not share a solicitor! You really need advice that’s solely for you. Usually all money snd assets are on the table. You really don’t know what he’s thinking now. Don’t go down the line of thinking it’s all going to be “fair” and based on your previous agreements. He’s got someone else: she clearly wants the money sorted and might well be pulling his strings so he backs out from what he said previously. Go forward with advice that’s solely for you. It seems to have moved on from cuddly respect.

Possibly. If he's willing to put into a consent order everything previously agreed, then one solicitor is fine. It will cost about £1k to write up and a few hundred to put to the court. If he is not, you absolutely need separate solicitors; the cheapest route will probably be mediation costing about £1.5k and one person's solicitor to draft the consent order and the others to check it. Maybe £4k including the court fees?

Mediation? You can draw an agreement abd then get a solicitor to put it in a consent order.

You both have an incentive to get this finalised with a consent order, otherwise you both have the risk that the other will bring a financial claim further down the line. It's in his interests to do so too. I would present it as a sensible thing to do.

BUT if I were in your position I might also consider an hour with a solicitor just to make sure that the agreement was reasonable. We don't have the details of your finances here but it sounds as if he is getting away quite lightly as a (presumably) very high earner from a long marriage in which you took the hit from child rearing.

If he earns so much more than you why are you accepting such a low amount

OP has a larger pension and an inheritance.

Yes but there’s house, maybe other assets too? It should all be on the table.

@FSTraining she hasn’t said how much larger. Presumably he’s built up significant savings if he’s on a high income.

You don't actually know how much he earns and there's no guarantee of any savings either. Also, it's pretty obvious from the age of the parties and backgrounds that neither are going to be that far from retirement so earnings drop in relevance.

Is this one of those, he's a bastard for expecting ANY of your finances it's yours not his and he's a bastard make sure you take him for everything you can, it's your money too!

That’s why everything should be on the table. After 30 years it needs to be unravelled. There might be all sorts of savings and policies the op doesn’t know about.

Totally agree, after a long marriage, everything you both have ( money in savings, pensions, investments etc ) should be split between you in some way. It doesn’t matter if the assets are in joint or individual names or if the money was earned or inherited.

One of DHs work partners had their work address as correspondence for savings accounts hidden from his wife - it turned out. Trying to hide money in a divorce. You just don’t know what has been saved!