Changing contact days - who gets the final say?

[Namechangefamilymember]

I'm interested in hearing views on a current family situation regarding changing contact days.

Child is under 10 and parents have been divorced for a number of years. Childs main home is with Parent A and spends two nights a week with Parent B.

The two nights with Parent B are during the school week so Parent B collects child from school Tuesday afternoon and Parent A collects child Thursday afternoon etc.

Parent B also has child during school holidays (not completely but a significant amount).

In the last 6 months Parent B has a new job and has asked to change contact days. The set-up would still be the same (i.e. 2 nights in a row with collection / drop-off at school). Parent A has said no. This means that Parent B is loosing income due to pattern of shifts but has continued to have child on original agreement. There is no logistical reason why Parent A can't accommodate the request - for example their working hours or other commitments.

Parent A has said the only option is to stick to current agreement or not see the child.

There is no previous court agreed access arrangements.

What are the rights of both parents in this situation? Personally I would hope they can sort it out between the both of them but does Parent A have the right to unilaterally decide contact days can't change? Could Parent A go to court and insist days remain the same or could Parent B get them changed?

And, if one parent did decide to actually go to court would it be a very lengthy / expensive process?

Any advice appreciated!

They need to go to mediation and if that fails court. Parent B is likely to success and probably get more access if they requested it. Parent A & B should be facilitating contact and that includes adjusting to work patterns.

Thank you. I really hope that they can sort it out but Parent A is not being at all accomodating! Parent A has been known to threaten Parent B with solicitors and cutting contact before although not actually done that.

Parent B should approach Parent A and ask them if there are other changes which would make this change easier for them. At the moment, Parent A is carrying the majority burden, and Parent B changing their days without consultation and expecting Parent A to comply with the change was high-handed and has put Parent A’s back up.

It’s possible this could be resolved without going to court but Parent B will need to work hard to achieve this, show some consideration, and not expect to get everything their own way.

A’s the mum and B’s the dad, and you’re the new wife.

Ha! I'm absolutely not the new wife. I am related to parent A.

Parent B has not demanded any change and has continued with the agreement as it initially stands as A has not agreed to change days.

I am very familiar with the day-to-day life of both A and B and changing the days would have no negative impact on A.

The shift change is due to work necessity, it was not something which has been done voluntarily.

I want this to be resolved between the two of them but it is useful to know that if that doesn't work what the next steps would be and what both A and B could expect to happen.

What days does parent B want to have the child instead?

Does parent B have long history of controlling behaviour against parent A and now parent A has managed to extract themself they are now able to stand up for themself and their child? Maybe parent B has previous for making decisions with no thought to the impact on the running of family life. Why did they take a job they knew weren't free on the days they would be employed on?
Maybe adult C minds their own beeswax.

Trust me @TheLurpackYears it is in the child's best interest that I'm involved. All I want is for the situation to be resolved without it negatively impacting the child. I'm trying to understand the situation from a legal perspective - as in what would happen if B decided that they wanted to insist on change in contact days. This is not something B has done yet - they've continued as per original (informal) agreement.

There has certainly been poor behaviour on both sides but since divorce there has not been any controlling behaviour on the side of B. There also wasn't any during the marriage.

@Gingerkittykat child is currently with B Mon / Tues and wants to swap to Wed / Thurs.

You refer to 'unilateral behaviour' by parent A, but it's parent B that is trying to make unilateral decisions.

If either of them apply to court, then the court will decide, and whilst the court will take into consideration a parent's working pattern, its primary concern is the children's best interests, so parent B may not get the outcome he's looking for.

Court is the worst way to resolve this - someone up thread said parent B should work to resolve this and I agree. Use mediation if necessary, avoid court.

Parent B should suggest they quit job and claim dole and parent A will get no cms...

Thank you for your comment. I don't currently see B as trying to 'impose' a unilateral decision - they have requested a change and A has said no so the original agreement has continued.

I'm interested to know whether A can simply refuse despite there not being any logistical justifications - it would have no impact on their work or other commitments etc.

B would get his way in court.

Is there a reason why B doesn’t have the child over a weekend?

Because of work - they are not in a 9-5 job. B does have the child a lot during holidays.

A has a lot of family support for child - so child will often stay with relatives at weekend meaning A gets free time etc.

The court would probably prefer stability, so unless A literally went into court and said "i'm just doing this to spite B" then realistically that would weigh heavily on things, to the point A probably just needs a semi-decent reason. Then it becomes a toss up. If A has a good reason then i'd give them the advantage. Ultimately if x days have been done for a long time, then that was known before a new job was applied for and the arrangements should have been discussed and decided in advance of that.

Sounds like parent B doesnt want to pay any childcare costs. Is the child school age? Wrap around care sounds like the answer. Or does B work 24 hour days and isnt possible to make any changes?

What are the rights of both parents in this situation?

Just to be pedantic, it is the DC who has rights here, and that includes a right to a relationship with both parents.

The parents have the responsibility to make that happen.

If parent B can demonstrate that their work pattern only allows for wed/Thur then a court is likely to issue a court order for contact on these days. However, I would expect both parents to make every effort to negotiate in the best interests of their children prior to going to court.

What would be defined as a good reason for not changing?

It's a good point regarding discussions should have been had beforehand - communication between the two isn't great (due to both not just one). However, my understanding is that the change in working patterns was not voluntarily - it wasn't a case of being in employment and actively seeking a different job with different hours.

I absolutely agree that it is about the rights of the child to have a relationship with both parents.

What would be considered reasonable facilitation of that?

If B had the child on days that they were working they would only see the child in the morning before school as they don't get home until very late. I don't think it is about unwillingness to pay for childcare.

Both parents should consider
-the amount and quality of time the children get to spend with both of their parents and the impact of any changes from their current pattern to the new one.
-the financial implications of the changes. For example, does moving the days cost the resident parent more money in childcare and if so how should this cost be split

• other activities that the children take part in and how these may be affected by a change in contact.

-How often are changes to each of their working patterns going to take place. If this is a one off change then it is not unreasonable to ask to change. If a parents work pattern changes regularly it is less reasonable to expect the children to upend their routines on a regular basis.

Ultimately children can cope well with some changes to their routine. It is now believed, however, that too many changes in quick succession immediately after separation can cause problems for children's mental health, but spread out over years much less so.

It is also a fact that children just want their parents to get on and high parental conflict is an adverse childhood experience - i.e. one that can have a damaging affect on the child going into adulthood. So whatever these parents decide in terms of contact patterns, I would suggest that getting their co-parenting relationship and communication on track is a priority. Once they are able to communicate more amicably then any other issues around time spent with the children will be much easier to resolve. And as children get older and their needs change so too will the requirements of their parents to be able to negotiate these changes.

You have to use mediation before court now anyway ... if the situation remains unresolved it's court .

Parent B should not have changed jobs and then expected everyone else to change established arrangements to accommodate their unilateral decision.

Absolutely.