Would this be allowed?

[LittlePlumTree]

Posted this in the separation board but getting mixed answers so thought it might be better to post here. Is my ex allowed to stay over during the week to help with the children? I claim as a single parent so I need to know if I could get into trouble for this. We definitely won’t be living together as a couple it’s purely to help with the children. He has his own place and we won’t be sharing bills etc

You'd have a job proving you weren't together wouldn't you?

I’ve been told if he has his own bills and place that proves it

That's evidence that suggests he doesn't live with you - it's not conclusive evidence.

They'd look into a wide range of things.

Why doesn't he have the dc at his place? If it's not suitable why don't you go to his or elsewhere and leave him at yours with the dc. It looks like he isn't an ex otherwise.

I have nowhere else to go unfortunately

You posted about this yesterday but gave more relevant info such as your DC is disabled and this is to help with care. With Council Tax for example, it is as simple as proving that he has sole and main residence elsewhere to claim the Single Person Discount. But I'd imagine it is more complicated with benefits. The situation may be different for you as your DC is disabled for instance, does this mean it is more difficult for them to stay with Dad elsewhere? Are you getting divorced as this would be proof too.

I already mentioned that I posted this on another board, it’s in my op. Just wanted proper legal advice though as mentioned in my op.

The reality is that living together for most of the week and sharing childcare (and therefore presumably some household costs, household chores and family mealtimes etc) with the father of your children sounds an awful lot like being in a relationship. Convincing the DWP otherwise is likely to be difficult and nobody can tell you definitively how you might do it.

Simply paying rent, bills and council tax elsewhere doesn’t definitively prove that you aren’t a couple: I have several friends who have a main family home in one part of the UK but rent a small bolt hole in London for work purposes. They haven’t stopped being part of a happily married couple and a family unit, and their spouse wouldn’t be able to claim benefits as a single parent.

@LittlePlumTree Not seen yesterday's post so I'm going on what's in this one.

I think the question for DWP - assuming you're on UC/legacy - is whether you have partner. That's a question of fact.

My advice would be to let DWP know of the arrangement, making clear you're not 'living together as a married couple' (LTAMC). To be seen as LTAMC you have to be part of the same household.

The DWP haven’t defined the term ‘household’ and so decisions are made on a case-by-case basis. You could prove they’re living in separate households by showing there’s:

• separate cooking and eating arrangements

• separate financial arrangements

• no evidence of family life

If he's in a spare room or on the sofa and you remain distinctly as two households with separate finances etc, then you shouldn't have a problem.

However, if you're together most of the time, eating together and sharing chores it may not be so simple.

If you want proper legal advice then don't post on Mumsnet, go and see a solicitor / CAB

I can’t afford a solicitor it’s not that big of a deal. I will just not have him stay if it isn’t allowed you could tell anyone in legal not to post then couldn’t you. If you have nothing relevant to add then don’t comment.

Thanks for the helpful comments

It's not really a legal matter but the OP is stuck as to the best bit of MN in which to pose the question.

Ultimately, the answer is 'it depends'. It's quite common for couples who have split up to live under the same roof, for example because neither can afford to move out or one is waiting for the other to go first.

Both might claim Universal Credit as single people as long as a DWP decision maker accepts they're two households.

@LittlePlumTree
Under housing benefits rules if he stays over more than 2 nights in 7 then he lives with you regardless of bill paying or having another residence unless he is an independent paid carer for overnight needs. I don't know about the other benefits, however I would assume its the same.
If he just wants to help home school your dd he comes over each school day and leaves every night, no need for him to sleep at your home at all.
Also if his home is not suitable for your joint dc then he needs to move to somewhere suitable not use your home as you never get a break and he never truly cares for them

He will not be moving. He lives 2 hours away so he can not come over every day that's why his contact is very inconsistent, he won't move or move closer because he doesn't like my area (his words.)

@Hoardasurass said:

Under housing benefits rules if he stays over more than 2 nights in 7 then he lives with you regardless of bill paying or having another residence unless he is an independent paid carer for overnight needs. I don't know about the other benefits, however I would assume its the same.

Can you provide a source for the assertion I've bolded. CPAG Welfare Benefits and Tax Credits 2023/4 p299 suggests it's much more complex and starts, as UC does, with whether you are a household.

Advice Now says much the same:

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/living-partner-and-benefits#:

Then sorry to say that your on your own with this.
You really need to put your foot down about him only seeing them at yours he needs to take them out.
If I was in your situation again (been through it all and the crts too) I would inform him that he must make alternative arrangements to see them ie not at your home and hold firm on it. No judge is going to insist that the contact happens at your home, he will be forced to find a suitable alternative. You need to have appropriate boundaries with him and stick to them.
As for your dd being failed by school, have you applied for an ecap (think that's what they call it in England am in Scotland so different names) ?

He does take them out but he can't do that often as it's expensive and we have four children meaning he will only do it every few months. He won't stick to regularly taking them out for the day as it's a long way to travel (2 hours down 2 hours back) and it's not practical. She has a ehcp but she will not be returning to school.

@Bromptotoo I can only give the info I was given by local council when I was going through similar with ex. They were adamant that 3 or more nights a week was living together. They even put it in writing to the crt. It may be their interpretation of the rules but the judge accepted it and thought it was a fair interpretation 🤷‍♀️

@Hoardasurass fair enough. I'd regard that assertion from the Council as contestable and be looking at guidance from DWP and decided cases to argue that spending the night there is nowhere near 'living together as a married couple'.

But as a representative you win some and lose others!

@Bromptotoo I would agree with you over 1 or 2 nights, however the council argued that 3 or more is 1/2 the week + therfore living together and I can sort of see their point but I'm just a layperson not a lawyer and as the judgement went in my favour I didn't argue