Taking ex to court for visitation

[Mamabird2022]

So I want to give a bit of back story so you can get a fair picture. Me and my now ex have one child who is 1. Since being born I have done literally all childcare. I’ve done every night feed Every bedtime. Everything associated with having a baby I’ve done.
child has not had overnight stays as issues with in-laws. My parents don’t live close.
We have been separated three weeks now. Last week was daughters birthday. I allowed him to stay overnight as daughter wakes early and did not want him missing out on presents. He woke up and then fell asleep sitting up and after 5 presents he was still sleeping. I asked him if he could wake up to help her with her presents as that was the point of him staying. He woke up but clearly wasn’t paying attention I told him to go to bed if he was tired cause he clearly was t interested. He got up of the sofa and said “wooo happy fucking birthday” very loud and then ripped wrapping paper off my daughters gift that she was trying to open herself.
fast forward to this week. I have given him visitation if
Monday-Wednesday 11-3 as she has playgroup on a morning and he has to leave for work at 3pm
Saturday-Sunday 11-5
Thursday and Friday are my days
he FaceTimed tonight to speak to child and he asked if he could speak to me. Convo went as follows
H:can I quickly run something past you
M: yeah sure
H: how do you feel about letting child stay overnight with me
M: absolutely not
H:well I will take you to fucking court you can’t keep her from me I’m her father
M: she hasn’t stayed out away from me yet and I don’t plan on it happening soon. We already know she refuses to settle for you so it’s not currently in her best interest. If you take me to court a judge will probably tell you the same
puts phone down
he then messaged me saying that I’m a C* he is her father and he can see her whenever he wants and he can take her to stay overnight and there is nothing I can do as he is on the birth certificate.
I have messages previous to this where he has said he will sign parental responsibility away he wants nothing to do with her ect
I just want to know if I go to court do I have a leg to stand on? I just want what’s best for my child

He will get overnight contact eventually, but it is unlikely for a 1-year-old. Keep the message and keep a record of any future conversations. If you think there is a danger he might try to take your daughter, you could apply for a Child Arrangements Order yourself.

Before court you need to have mediation to try to agree a parenting plan. If you think he's really serious then you should contact a mediator yourself (you'll both have to pay) and if he doesn't turn up or doesn't engage with it properly then you can apply to court for a child arrangement order.
if you think he's just being a dick and throwing his weight around then stick to your guns and don't indulge his nonsense.

@prh47bridge i don’t mind eventually but right now she point blank refuses to settle with him. I have explained that if he can settle her Himself without my help then he can have her overnight but he hasn’t shown a willingness to try and I don’t want to put my child in a position to possibly because very distressed due to his selfishness

@NynaeveSedaiOfTheYellowAjah i honestly think he is trying to bully me into backing down and giving him what he wants out of fear but I have called citizens advice this morning and have an appointment next week to go through next steps just Incase. This past week every time I say no to something he threatens with court and it’s just not fair. I have tried to ensure a good relationship between him and child but he is constantly asking for more time and I think what he has is quite reasonable considering he’s never really done anything for her

Do you think he’ll actually go through with it?

Men often use court and overnights (even 50/50) as a threat buy not many actually do it.

The problem - in my experience as a father myself - is that children often settled for me more easily when their mother was not around. They play up more when mum is around if they don't want dad to put them to bed.

There are various other more serious issues with your ex here that make overnights problematic but, that said, the condition you are laying down is not really appropriate either.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings probably not. He looses his head when he doesn’t get his own way, threatening court and then a day or two later he is back to being very nice as if the conversation never happened

@FSTraining thank you for your reply. I have left the house to allow him to put daughter to bed. However when I’ve came back he’s been sat on his phone while child is still awake sobbing clearly very tired around at midnight and he said to me “she won’t settle for me your going to have to put her to bed” he cannot expect me to go to him when he wants her overnight to settle her when she won’t sleep for him.

I've learnt from my constantly threatening ex husband that they can threaten all they want, the court will do whats in best interest for the child.
Make sure you keep all of his horrible messages.
Be careful to avoid being suspected of parental alienation. Courts are obsessed about that now.

She is 1. She has no concept.of time yet. Overnight away from her primary caregiver is not in her best interests.
You are being more than generous with contact times detailed. Both days in the weekend as well as 3 out-of 5 weekdays? Little and often I agree, is a good idea, but don't let anyone tell you he is getting a raw deal.
Keep a record of everything. Insist all arrangements are made via email so you have a trail. In fact, all discussions around her care via email.

The schedule you have suggested is ideal for eventually building up to overnights. Frequent visits that correlate with age and experience are the ideal. The courts should recognize that. He would to if he spent any time researching how to be a good parent.

Just tell him that you will await the courts/mediation instructions and comply with them and there is no need to discuss this further as clearly him resorting to abuse when you try and talk is unacceptable and you will be therefore only communicating with the court/mediation.
Dont be scared.
He wont even do it, and he most likely wont want to lose control to the courts. My ex got a shock when we got to court as they were the ones doing the ordering around then to both of us and he didnt like it.

If you go to court to settle who has the child and when, they make an order. Of course they “order you about”. It’s about the child and ensuring the child gets the best solution. Not the parents.

He is abusive. You tell him he swears again snf he leaves immediately.

Are you always there for visitation? Does he get any alone time with his child? If it’s very sporadic, I’d probably start there- him taking her out and spending time with her on his own through the day, building up to overnights. He won’t confidently parent if he’s never given the opportunity to just get on with it.

Unfortunately the legal position is that this would not be reason enough to deny him the contact he wants. You also need to be extremely careful about how you carry yourself in this dispute because his legal representatives might try to portray you as controlling.

That might not be what you wanted to hear but it's important that you recognise that there is often a gap between what is "right" in your unique circumstances and what is "right" in law.